[cocoa]

so, i'm attempting to join the dating game. Nothing yet. But i'm curious about the constant push to put yourself out there to be noticed. How good or bad an idea is this? Does it really work in the long term? Don't signicant others feel a bit cheated when the person who put themselves out there is not the person meet or see when they've been together for a while?

[emelgee]

I think you are missing the point of dating!

Dating is just about spending a little time with someone. It needn't mean any more than that. In terms of trying to get noticed, again, I think you are missing the point. Just be friendly to everyone that crosses your path. It is the "human touch", the connection we all want - a lovely smile, a flirty wink - small things that can create a good feeling for you and for the recipient...even if they don't approach for anything else!

[cocoa]

I'm simply posing a general question for discussion. It's called thinking critically about things.

[emelgee]

Calm down, cocoa.

You asked a question, I gave you my opinion. I get the "critical" aspect of your thinking...

[cocoa]

Ok, then. Back to topic. thx.

[ItsASecret]

I think it depends on whether or not you are like that naturally. If you are a flamboyant go-getter who loves constant attention then putting yourself out there is a piece of cake and being noticed just comes naturally...so basically minimal effort and just being yourself. However if you are the opposite in the dating world, a person who is reserved, not a party animal, and maybe a bit socially awkward then clearly it will be tougher to be putting yourself out there. If you have that type of personality and suddenly you go into the dating world with the "I am going to be the life of the party even though I am naturally not" then I believe, and this is my personal opinion, that you are cheating people and essentially being a fake. Putting on a facade can work if it is done in a way that still allows people to see the real you, if you are just putting on a show for entertainment purposes and trying to grab the attention that you normally would not try to get then it is like 'hey guess what good looking guy you like me now for this personality but the real me is the total opposite'. Just be yourself and try not to be someone that you believe others are looking for.

[jns]

If you are going to change aspects of your personality to draw from a larger pool of guys, do the guys and yourself a favor and let them know what you have changed as soon as you can. Then you will be able to find out if they like the real you. It's like makeup, most women use it, use it to varying degrees and usually have to let their lovers see the real them at some point during the relationship.