[cocoa]

I'm regretting the title of my thread - "pros and cons" was not the best wording.

In any case, i welcome any other thoughts about dating someone older.

[cocoa]

I was reading through the other threads on this topic, and i notice that the focus is on the romantic aspects of the relationship. That's nice n' all but i'm assuming of course it takes more than this to make the relationship work for both partners. I've no experience dating someone older but there are a few who I developed an attraction towards - natural not forced. Not the type of person to be with someone just for the fun of it, money, sex, etc. I'm genuinely interested in meeting someone who i can relate to on a personal/emotional level. I assume the physical intimacy will be quite satisfactory if there is genuine interest, attraction, connection, and compatibility with the person. But more interested in meeting someone who is not a game player, who takes the relationship seriously, and is not about showing off his younger partner. I appreciate charm but it won't get anyone anywhere, at least with me. I don't take people or relationships lightly. I'm not for cute or May-December romances for the excitement of it.

So, if you are a 30-somethings with 40/50 something partner. please share your experience.

[cocoa]

Just to add: Not much into the wining, dining, overload of compliments, or catering to feel appreciated by someone. As long as we have genuine respect, care, and consideration for each other, i think a relationship that is satisfying to both of us is likely.

[cocoa]

I've completely changed my view of this topic, and I regret this thread. A lot of misconceptions. In any case, whoever read it, thx.

[whit4488]

im 22 years old, and am dating a man who is 40, i've always been older for my age...and for him, he doesnt look or act 40..so we mesh really well, its even better because he is already well established, more mature, and has much more experience in all the areas that i dont and want to learn, he has had some terrible relationships (failed marriages) prior to me, and we want children together...infact were currently trying, tho its been unsuccessful so far...but thats another story. i think having an older man is what EVERY woman who seeks stability, compassion and everlasting love should have, i know thats what I have, i wouldnt trade my man for no one else, not ever

[kathiegirl]

Younger Men R better

Most older men get more self-absorbed, controlling, and set in their ways as they get older. It's more about feeding their egos. They tend to be more insecure as they age and feel having a younger woman will defeat those insecurities. They know that younger women are a bit more naive and don't think about the near future in terms of quality sex, good communication, and emotional stability which declines as their older guy ages. Then what do they have? Me and my girlfriends have learned our lessons and now prefer marrying younger and mature men. Older does not necessarily mean wiser or better...it definitely is not sexier in men as they age. Most younger women with older men probably do not enjoy or care for romantic, sustainable sex, and prefer money and security over wonderful intimacy. I work in the health field and older men are not attractive naked! Younger women beware...

Younger women can be interesting to older men because they make them feel young again. They get to have a sort of second chance at all the things they did wrong in their earlier relationships. They get to feel mature, knowledgeable, worldly, but still have fun. Younger women have not yet settled down to a comfortable dull life.

Older men can be interesting to younger women because they are more mature, more caring, typically have a higher opinion of women than younger men do. Older men are typically wealthier, able to do more interesting things.

The down side is that people of different ages do think rather differently, care about different things. There is a natural power imbalance in this sort of relationship, the women is sort of lover and child at the same time. Later in life the older person becomes elderly and feeble early, leaving the younger person to care for them.

My personal opinion is that relationships with a big age difference are fine if both are in it for short to medium term fun, but not if either wants a lifelong relationship.

[KMonte85]

Most older men get more self-absorbed, controlling, and set in their ways as they get older. It's more about feeding their egos. They tend to be more insecure as they age and feel having a younger woman will defeat those insecurities. They know that younger women are a bit more naive and don't think about the near future in terms of quality sex, good communication, and emotional stability which declines as their older guy ages. Then what do they have? Me and my girlfriends have learned our lessons and now prefer marrying younger and mature men. Older does not necessarily mean wiser or better...it definitely is not sexier in men as they age. Most younger women with older men probably do not enjoy or care for romantic, sustainable sex, and prefer money and security over wonderful intimacy. I work in the health field and older men are not attractive naked! Younger women beware...

Jeez kathie, I guess I can tell from your post that you and/or your friends have been spurned in the past by an older gentleman. But I think you're being a bit biased, and quite harsh. Saying that most older men are unattractive, self absorbed, closed minded, and controlling is unfair and to say the least, and actually pretty offensive.

I don't think this is the case at all, and I don't think you can make these generalizations based on the handful of may-december relationships that you may have encountered.

[kathiegirl]

Myself and at least 6 women that I personally know, married older men. It was the worst relationship I ever had and I have found that younger men in their 30's are much more respectful, loving, and less self-absorbed or threatened than men my age, mid forty's and older. I attract younger men becasue I look younger than I am and they are not intimidated by my career and are more laid back too. The other 6 women have either cheated on their older husbands, have separated from them(dating younger men), and are filing for or divorced from them now due to the incompatabilities and failure to meet their needs. These women like myself failed to realize that down the road these men would be controlling, set in their ways, and just plain old selfish at times.

[KMonte85]

So the 7 relationships that you're familiar with which have ended badly means that most every single young woman who enters into a relationship with an older man will end in heartache? Not so much. I'm glad that you have found what works for you, that being restricting your dating pool to younger men. That does not justify lumping every older man who dates younger women into some negative stereotype because of the seven bad experiences you know of.

And to your point, I personally know a couple who met when he was in his 30s and she was 18, and the just celebrated a very happy 50th anniversary. 50 years of ups and downs, love, and partnership, 50 years celebrating the family and home they built together. That, alone, is reason enough for me to know that it IS possible for these sorts of relationships to work, and that your generalizations are incorrect and unfair.

[kathiegirl]

Number one, we don't do drive by relationships. I defintely don't. I've talk to dozens of women on a weekly basis because of my profession and women tell the truth to each other, especially when they r not happy in a relationship. They will lie to their husband or boyfriend, but we will tell each other the truth that a man may never, ever know. Number two, if the truth hurts, do a reality check. Not my fault most people r superficial on the surface and want their ears tickled. Number three, we live in a society where going after younger women is the norm although it is not normal, especially by God's standards. If u have a car, a tv, a computer, or a radio, there r younger women with older men advertisements non-stop. If it wasn't against the law, many men would love to bed a girl under 18. Why have so many women been sexuallly abused and molested just in america alon? It's well over 50% nationally and higher depending on what state ur in. What does that say about 50% or more of the men committing the abuse? I meet and deal with more women on a daily basis who have been sexually molested as girls, edited Women talk!