[pretzel]

Personally, paying you back isn't necessarily the main issue. It's the going behind your back and taking advantage of your financial position. There had better be a real good reason why he felt he had that right.

I still think you're not addressing the elephant in the room though and that is your own well being. There is no way that you can feel good about your relationship when you don't feel good about yourself. It's not a healthy situation where you're uncomfortable by choice.

I'll repeat my statement from above, your well being needs to take precedence.

[Guest]

To be clear.....

I'd kick his butt out so fast that it would make his head spin.

[WildChild]

So if he just getting a job, who has been paying the bills?

Sweetheart if you can support both of you, you can support just you! And it will be cheaper, you won't steal from yourself! You'd be paying for food and gas(?) for just yourself.

I fell into this trap in my first marriage and it took a couple years before it sunk in that if I could support myself and him and his drug habit and putting up with his screwing around, that I could support just myself without all of his nonsense.

He needs to pay you back, he also needs to leave.

[caterpillar79]

Seems like you have been used and you have developed this co-dependency. He needs to leave. If he won't you could have the police do it for you. There is no way he would change. All you've said on your previous posts are red flags - reasons why you should NOT be with him at all. It's emotional infidelity. Please do not wait until you hit your bottom because of him.

Though I do not like the fact that you have been snooping on him, something tells me that you did it because of how he has been treating you and how he has been behaving - that's understood. I bet you could stand on your own better than having him around.

Love yourself MORE.

And like what WC said, he needs to pay you back. You may have him sign an agreement between the two of you, with him owning up to the debt he incurred on your credit card, and that he'd pay you back until x number of months with the interest.

[Bieze]

I know logically what I should do. But emotionally it is hard. It sucks when you have invested soo much time and energy into something, anything and to then have to admit that it was a failure. I am trying to have hope and faith that things will get better. but if I were an outsider looking in I would have told myself to kick him to the curb a long time ago.

[Guest]

If I may be so blunt....

It has nothing to do with hope or faith. If it does, I'd like to see how... Hope that he'll change 180% from where he is right now and has been for too long? Faith in that something can be created out of nothing? I agree, and it sucks, to have to give up on something when you have put so much time, effort and energy into it, let alone the financial investment....

That's what I told myself the first two times my ex-wife CHEATED. I have faith in God(I do), we can rebuild this(we did to a point as long as I was doing most of the work), I can forgive her(that I did without a doubt, as my faith and beliefs have taught me to).Then there was a third time....

Two young children, both under five, leaving the physical home that we had purchased (and I was paying for) and moving into something smaller, less attractive, etc.
I had to do it and SO DO YOU! It was living hello going through it and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone without first giving it some thought, but clearly, it's time for you to go...

[Bieze]

I am currently getting together my credit statements and I am planning on making a legal and notarized IOU.

[Guest]

Sorry...forgot to include that you may be able to dispute the charges on your credit card with the credit card company (unless his name is on the account...it isn't, is it?)

An unauthorized user is an unauthorized user and if he signed your name then that's considered bank fraud in most states (I think).

Worth looking into...

[Bieze]

I talked to the credit card company, they said they would take him to jail, So I told them I wanted to drop the claim. (this was over a month ago, when I thought things would get a lot better)

[Colorado]

He in my opinion is displaying all the signs that he may be getting ready to step out on you maybe even leave you - he just wants to have something setup before he does it.
Listen to the advice given in the thread, and heed your gut feelings, but mostly be prepared.