[ren_07]

Okay, so I'm in a bit of a situation and need insight.

I was seeing someone for a long time with no commitment. We last tried making it work in May, then he left. I haven't heard from him since. So it's been about six months. Now, his best friend has just lately started casually texting me. It's been pretty friendly, and at first there really wasn't any flirting other than harmless compliments to one another. He's a really nice guy and I've always been attracted to him so I really wouldn't mind dating him. I called him once last weekend and we talked forever until my phone died. Nothing was sexual. Lately he's been making more flirty/sexual comments, but nothing crazy or like "this guy just wants sex."

The problem is, at this point I'm fairly certain that the "I like you" spark is there. We've always gotten along, had a lot in common, and can take forever. It's just everything was sort of "off-limits" because I was with his friend. However, I'm worried it's fueled a lot by desires rather than a relationship. He hasn't tried taking me out anywhere, which would signal he likes me and wants to explore a relationship, but mentions hanging out and doing other more low key stuff or partying together or something. I'm worried he'll only want to hook up with me. And with all that has happened between me and his good friend, a hook up is just not something I'm willing to do and get involved in. Messy situation I feel. I'd only pursue it if he's genuinely seeking something with substance with me. Then it would feel worth it.

Any insight on what this guy could possibly want?

[Guest]

YOU ! What that means at this point, you can't be sure. It appears that he felt it was necessary to wait a period of time before he made the effort to contact you, as there is some "code" that you just don't pursue another buddy's girl. I don't really know what is meant by all of it.

If you think he's only in it to hook up, then take your time, go slow, and the time alone will chase him away. If he has any class, morals, ethics or values, he'll understand, pursue you like any gentleman should and see where it leads without any predetermined "goals" in mind.

Seems like you should be able to tell if this guy is sincere or just another toad looking for a hook up.

Most women I've known don't date toads.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I was seeing someone for a long time with no commitment.

I'm worried he'll only want to hook up with me. And with all that has happened between me and his good friend, a hook up is just not something I'm willing to do and get involved in

I'm assuming therefore it was more of a "friends with benefits" ..and based on the above comment, one where perhaps you weren't exactly treated right either..

Follow your intuition... If your worried this guy wants the same, then more than likely "boys talk" and he's got the okay, and your sexual side of you has been discussed...

If this guy wants to get to know you then he can do that, amongst other people, so if you want to find out, "hang out" with others around you even if you bring a girlfriend each time to start with...

He hasn't asked you out on a date, you've made the move by picking the phone up and talking to him for a long period of time, but he hasn't tried doing that back with you..



CW

[ren_07]

I guess I should elaborate. The "non-committal" relationship was essentially a relationship without putting it on Facebook. It was in every way like a relationship and we weren't seeing other people, but you are not wrong with thinking I wasn't treated the best. This best friend of his would even tell me or others from time to time that he doesn't treat me right. So I think he would know better than to do the same, wouldn't you think? Also, my ex would never give his best friend the "okay" to date me. He's jealous, possessive, and immature about this kind of stuff and wouldn't want things to happen between either of us, even though he doesn't exactly seem to be wanting me.

That's what makes it more confusing. I know this guy would be risking friendship issues by pursuing me and I think that has more to do with him resisting asking me out on something official. After all, he can't get yelled at if we're just "chillin" right? Maybe he's just testing the waters? And he has not called really but he will make it a habit to text me almost everyday, even while he's at work, just to talk about trivial things. We started talking again just because he "hadn't heard from me in awhile" or something weird. Then again, he does know how I am sexually from the ex situation and that would probably please him quite a bit haha. Ugh!