[twocrows]

This is the first time I've broken up (or he broke up with me..) with someone who I actually loved. We were together for a year and a half, and finally he said he no longer felt the same.

I am broken up, but still going on with my life. I exercise everyday, volunteer, journal my feelings, etc.

HOWEVER. Today I hit a wall. One of the things I miss is being able to bake for him, and having him love what I make. It is one of the ways I show that I care, and also am reminded that others care for me. Anyway, I baked a delicious pear pie and tried seeking validation from my male coworker, who I am not attracted to and who is in a great relationship. He said no over and over again. Now I feel horrible and I threw it out and started crying my eyes out as soon as I got home.

Advice. Help. Analysis. Anything. I feel so upset.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, did you invite him over on his own for that pie? I am not understanding why he said no, but more importantly over and over again..Maybe you gave the wrong signals.

It seems that you feel you still have to forfill that empty spot and the baking was your way and so that is what you did, that is very natural, when you grieve..But, taking the pie to where you volunteer or to a homeless shelter would do you more good and make you feel loved and thanked which is what you are saying, than to offer it to a "man" to try to take the place of your ex, that feeling ...Sounds like you feel you have been rejected twice, yet, as I said it depends on how you offered the pie and also he may not like pears anyway, he's not your ex...Don't cry, bake for the homeless or disadvantaged, elderly, and love yourself mam.

[WildChild]

Not sure I understand what you mean by saying, "I baked a delicious pear pie and tried seeking validation from my male coworker, who I am not attracted to and who is in a great relationship." What kind of validation were you looking for?
Why not bring a treat for the whole office?
I love to bake too and I used to really enjoy baking the man I loved his favorite cookies or pie. When we broke up I started sharing more of it around the neighborhood, spreading the calories around a bit more. I try to share things that are pretty universally liked, pears are a more refined taste, not everyone even realizes that you can make a pie from them.

Sounds like you are displacing your sorrow over the end of your relationship and getting upset over things that you normally wouldn't. I agree with CW that you are better served reaching out to those in need than to men in relationships. Give yourself time to heal and feel happy again.

[spurzzz]

It seems to me like you crave the attention and approval of someone appreciating you, through whatever means it is.....indeed in this case your im sure wonderful ability to bake pies.

I find it quite difficult to imagine how your conversation with that fella you wanted to come round for some pie went? "Look, i am not feeling too great, can you please come round to mine so I can bake you a pie?" ...... "Look, I know your taken and everything but if you coukd just come round and let me bake you a pie?"............................. Do you see where I am going? Do you think you may have scared the bloke and gave of the wrong signals?

Take it from me: a dude who turns down free food from a woman is either gay, stupid or smells something fishy going on? - no pun intended

My advice is don't take it to heart. I am sure your pies are lovely and as an above poster suggested, why not bake for the homeless or family/friends? You can bake me a pie anytime you want hun............that goes for everyone!

[Guest]

Get your 'validation' somewhere else...where it's properly placed...like at a senior center...home for unwed mothers...domestic abuse shelter.