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I need an outsiders view...(Longish)

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  • I need an outsiders view...(Longish)

    Alright Ladies, this will make more sense if I go into the background so please bear with me.

    Myself and a male friend met originally last year through a friend, both of us at the time in happy relationships. We clicked through conversation almost immediately, we're both creative, a little eccentric, we love making music and working with our hands. Needless there was a lot to talk about. We talked and we talked a lot, most days actually. Our respective partners didn't have a problem with it because our relationships still came first. I spent a lot of time with him, writing, jamming, talking about the future. We both have big dreams, we want to travel, make our marks on the world.

    About 6 months ago my relationship went sour, my partner was 7 years older than me (I'm 20 if that's any indication), we were at a party and after he'd been drinking too much, we had an arguement about it because it was becoming a regular thing. He punched me in the face and split my lip, I ran into the bathroom and tried to mop myself up only to be found by my friend...who promptly flipped his lid, punched my now ex back, he took me back to his place, mopped me up and put me to bed. He slept on the sofa.

    Not long after his relationship didn't last either, his girlfriend had apparently been cheating on him for the last 2 months. He turned up at mine needing someone to talk to, we stayed up until 5am, I cooked for him and just listened like he had done for me. We shared a bed that night (or morning I guess) but no funny business went on, we both just crashed.

    Ever since then we've both been spending more time together, we live between eachother's places pretty much and talk a of a lot. We've shared beds but just for sleeping. Until last night, neither of us could really sleep and he asked if I needed a hug, not an unusual thing. We snuggled down and I'm not sure who started it but next thing I know we're kissing, even then he showed nothing but respect for me.

    It just all seems so sudden. I just need a perspective who I'm not close to and would appreciate any advice.

    Thank you for reading.

  • Personally, it sounds to me as if the two of you have gotten the hard part out of the way. Seems to me that you two already have many common interests, have the trust for each other that many couples find elusive and each of you know that the other is there for them.

    Sounds like a real good start to me.

    Comment


    • It doesn't sound sudden, it sounds like a friendship may turn into a romance. Are you hesitant because you may lose a friend if the romance doesn't work out? Is there anything else that makes you hesitate about going forward with this relationship? If there are no major hurdles, I think that this could be a good relationship.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment


      • This sounds like a great thing! It seems like the natural progression of a friendship into a romance.
        If you're hesitant because you don't want to lose such a good friend think about it for a while and talk to him. He's probably having the same thoughts. Talk to him about it and take it slow. You two seem to show a lot of respect and love for each other, so if it doesn't work out it seems like a friendship could be plausible after.
        But you never know if there will be an after. You have so much in common and love for each other already you might find that he's "the one." You've gotta at least see

        Comment


        • It doesn't sound sudden from what you describe. It sounds like you have been getting to know each other for some time, have been there for each other and are now both available for a relationship. This sounds very organic.

          Comment


          • I don't know, it's not often I trust people because I've been kicked down alot. Getting into a romantic relationship scares the living out of me and I don't want to hurt him or get hurt. What if things went bad and I lost him as a friend? It's becoming pretty clear that we're attracted to eachother, I crashed over at his again the other night and there was more kissing but nothing heavy, he made breakfast for me in the morning...but we have yet to have 'the talk'

            Comment


            • Then you say that on the outset, "who knows where this will lead but given our strong connection of friendship, let's make a promise that if something further occured and it didn't work out, we will always be friends"...

              I also don't see it as sudden...I see two people that had mis-matched relationships, I see two people that connected and were fortunate to be there for each other, when each relationship failed and still are...And, I see the romantic side, of how things should be friendship first, a knight who came to your rescue and woman whom came to his, when he was down and how that developed into the need to hold and kiss, with physical attraction now added to that mix.

              CW
              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

              Comment


              • I'm just going to reiterate what everyone else has said, have the "talk" with him, it doesn't have to be too serious in nature, but just let him know that you're a little afraid of relationships and are afraid of losing him the way he is.

                It all sounds very romantic.

                Comment

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