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Complicated is an Understatement

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  • Complicated is an Understatement

    I'll try to put this in bullet points, that way it doesn't seem like I am writing a novel.

    -Back in July I got into a relationship, we moved quickly and ended up moving in together with in a month. He spent over $1000 on my credit card with out my permission and we broke up shortly in November.

    -In October I starting going to school full time on top of my full time job. I quickly became close friends with one of my classmates (let's call him V). V really helped me get through the break up and often spent the night at my place. We both made it clear we just wanted friendship. V is most definitely my best friend and I see him three times a week for class so that helps since I don't have many consistant friends.

    -In January I met a guy at a swinger party, who is now my current boyfriend (let's call him S). S and I decided to leave the swinger scene when we started dating (a week after we met). We have been seeing eachother at least four nights a week now. Most nights he drives 40 mins to my place and spends the night with me. It is like we live together with occasional nights when he stays at his place.

    -V and I try to arrange at least one night a week where we can hang out, just so we can get some Friend time. Most nights when V and I spend time together we listen to music, watch movies, drink, and smoke. V and I definitely get along well, we are extremely intune with eachother. He knows when I want to be serious, and when I need a laugh.

    -V and I are both very sexual people but we have never crossed that line. He has mentioned us 'hooking up' but only in passing. We give eachother hugs and back massages and lately when we he has given me hugs it is followed by a kiss or three on the cheek. At the beginning of our friendship he was never that touchy-feely with me. Yesterday V and I were talking after class and he mentioned how he was thinking about hooking up with his old buddy, and he described her as looking like me but a little shorter.

    -I have never had a relationship where I was treated nicely, I seem to attract the jerks. S is amazing, but I am not used to being treated how I actually deserve to be treated. Lately things with S have gotten monotonous in and outside the bedroom. I have been trying to figure out how to make things more interesting (how to spice things up). S and I are going on a trip to Vegas the first week in June.

    -I go back and forth between wanting a relationship and settling down to wanting to travel and be free. I was talking with V and told him how my biggest fear in life is never having children. He told me he wouldn't let that happen and that he would be happy to sleep with me and get my pregnant when the time comes.

    -I don't know what I want to do. I like S, I just don't know if I am scared because I am not used to being treated with respect. I worry that movies have skewed my idea of what the ideal relationship is. I am able to share things with V and I don't even know how to begin to share with S.

    Wow this is way longer then I intended.

    Basically I am looking for advice on how to spice things up with S or should I just give up and move on and try to persue things with V.

    The solution I thought up was to cut down on the amount of time spent with S. Spend time with V. See if feelings are still there for S and see if the Vegas trip with S improves the situation.

  • Well after the relationship you had that ended in November, maybe Jan was too soon to start a new one.

    I don't think you are convinced on S and you've seen things in V that you like...

    Personally? Hugs and massages and kisses on the cheek, is an emotional affair, given that you state S is your boyfriend, I think that your friendship with V is crossing the line...

    You have to decide what you want.... It seems that you want to travel, be free, so therefore, you won't take either seriously, you are not ready for another relationship....



    • I agree with CW...when you are that close to a "friend" it can ruin things with the more exclusive relationship, if not your friendship too.
      "Greatness is a lot of small things done well. Day after day..."


      • bumping


        • Hi Bieze,

          Wondering what you decided?

          Or if your looking for more opinions I am sure our member's can offer that as well..




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