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Am I being played?

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  • Am I being played?

    So I met a guy online about 3 weeks ago and after some emailing back and forth, we decided to meet up for dinner. He lives about an hour and a half from me. Everything went well at the initial meeting, so he asked me on a second date (last Sat. night). We went to dinner and to see a movie about an hour from where I live. We met at a half-way spot and then rode together. When we got back to his vehicle that night for him to head home, we made out for about an hour in the car. I know this seems fast, but it seemed fine to do after the good evening we had had. We planned another date for last night (Sat.). I offered to make dinner for him and watch a movie here at my place. He accepted and so we had been planning since early last week. I did tell him that I wanted to take things slow physically, but that he was welcome to stay over since he had such a long drive back. He said he would like to do that and completely understood my wishes on going slow.

    So last night came. We had a beer on the deck, hung out, had a great dinner, and then watched two movies. We kissed and cuddled on the couch. It was all nice. So when the movie ended, I was like "Did you bring your stuff in?" He said, "No, I didn't bring my stuff and am heading back home." It was 1 am. I said "well you are welcome to stay." He responded, "I think it is safer if I don't." So he gave me two quick pecks and left. What the ?

    Needless to say, I was very sad and shed a few tears when he left. Was he mad that he didn't get any? He acted like it wasn't a big deal and that he also wanted to wait.

    I know we met online so chances are he is talking to other people, but we have texted the last three weeks nonstop, as in from 8:30-11:30 at night. He spends Fri. evening with his little girl and the last two Saturday's with me. I don't understand.

    And he hasn't texted yet this morning, which from our normal routine, is very strange.

  • Well if he left at 1 am and it's 1-1/2 hour drive, he probably got to bed at 3 - 4 am. I don't know where you are but you posted at 10:30 am my time. I'd doubt he was awake yet. Sounds like he is being certain he respects your boundaries.

    Comment


    • Well, that sounds perfectly logicial, BUT... I got online around 10 am this morning and just decided to check match.com and his profile said "online now." We also usually text constantly and I have not heard a thing.

      Comment


      • I don't think you are being played, he didn't pressure you for sex, if he was a player or only after getting in your panties, that would have been his goal that night. Also he would have jumped on the opportunity to stay.

        However, with the distance that you guys have, there is also the REMOTE possibility that there is a reason he can't sleep over, as in , could he be living with someone? Is going to HIS house a possibility or does he have that off the table?

        A lot of people can misrepresent their situation, I am not saying he is... but there is always that small chance. I would definitely remain a little emotionally gaurded until you are more certain of his current situation.

        You guys have dated 2 or 3 times, and if you haven't committed to each other, its normal and possible, that he is exploring other avenues (at least he is not pushing for sex, which would be a dirty thing to do if he's dating multiple people and not saying so) but I don't think he is expecting that you are off the dating site yet, because the two of you went on a couple of dates and are talking etc...

        So just don't put all your eggs in his basket, keep getting to know him, but you are dating, dating means exploring options and finding what sticks, so keep yourself open to other opportunities as well... until/if you two become serious. This way you are not setting yourself up for dissapointment and also who knows what else you may find when you keep your door open.
        Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

        Comment


        • You made it clear nothing was going to happen, so he made certain he kept to your wishes, he said, no I'm heading home, playing it safe and on top of that it was 1am.

          If he was wanting to play you, 1) he would have tried to head to bed earlier or 2) he would have bought his things over, but he chose to go home late mind you.

          You say you kissed and cuddled on the lounge if that was all? He sounds like a nice guy.

          But, also, consider he may also know that you have fallen for him and he may be waying up the distance....

          Don't bombard him with text messages and don't bombard him with questions either, you'll chase him away.... take a few deep breathes

          Casually, later just send one text, great company, did you make it home ok....

          CW
          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

          Comment


          • It doesn't sound like you are being played at all. It sounds like you had a few dates. I wouldn't start reading into things. It's totally possible and within his rights to see other people unless you have agreed to be exclusive, which it doesn't sound like you did. Don't obsess and freak out. See how things go and if you don't like where they go, then stop seeing him.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by eliz26 View Post
              So last night came. We had a beer on the deck, hung out, had a great dinner, and then watched two movies. We kissed and cuddled on the couch. It was all nice. So when the movie ended, I was like "Did you bring your stuff in?" He said, "No, I didn't bring my stuff and am heading back home." It was 1 am. I said "well you are welcome to stay." He responded, "I think it is safer if I don't." So he gave me two quick pecks and left. What the ?

              Needless to say, I was very sad and shed a few tears when he left. Was he mad that he didn't get any? He acted like it wasn't a big deal and that he also wanted to wait.
              He probably was unsure of himself as to if he would go farther than you wanted and he didn't want to blow it. I doubt he was angry at you and I suspect that he really wanted to go farther. I don't think he was trying to get you to cry. He was being in control and making decisions when he was in a good frame of mind
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • It could be a plethora of things.......just be yourself, don't freak out, and don't try to force things....

                He could be a player and once he realized he wasn't "getting any" he backed down.

                OR: he could be a really nice guy who respected your boundaries....

                I agree with the other posters - if you're still interested in dating him, let him know, but don't make a big deal out of this situation....

                Good luck!

                Comment


                • Originally posted by eliz26 View Post
                  ... He responded, "I think it is safer if I don't." ....
                  Take his word for it. It could mean that he might lose control and might escalate the passion, and might jeopardize his word when he agreed to your wishes of taking things slow on the physical intimacy aspect. Looks like a gentleman, I'd say. Don't freak out.

                  Text him just once saying Hi, I enjoyed your company. I hope you made it home safe. That's it. If he replies, acknowledge, if not, just wait. The ball is in his court. Wait for him to initiate. You will just lower your price tag if you do the chasing (at least that is how I see it - sorry). Treat life as it is...normal activities should not be halted just for you to think about him. Let him realize that you have your life to live and if he wants to become part of it, he will have to do something. Wait and see.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by eliz26 View Post
                    Well, that sounds perfectly logicial, BUT... I got online around 10 am this morning and just decided to check match.com and his profile said "online now." We also usually text constantly and I have not heard a thing.
                    You both haven't agreed to be exclusive, my dear. You are just getting to know each other. No agreement of exclusivity, means you both can date other people, and do so. I met my husband online and mind you, he was the first one to delete/disable his account then he asked me to do it, so I did. That was the start of our exclusivity.

                    Online dating could be daunting. Be patient. Just wait for him to make his move, meanwhile, go out with other guys whom you want to see. I am confident you can handle it well (no sex during dates) - you've proven it. That way, you can really see and compare who the lucky guy is gonna be.

                    Comment


                    • Maybe he's just taking a break from your routine. Did you ask him what he's up to? It could be that he was busy running some important errands and cannot text you. There's nothing wrong if you will be the one to initiate the contact and ask. So long as you don't sound annoying and demanding. Besides, this is just the first time he wasn't able to contact you. I'm sure it has nothing to do what what happened that night.

                      Comment

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