I really could use some advice on a sticky situation.
I haven't had the best luck in dating, some of you may be familiar with that through my other responses/posts. So when someone comes into my life that I feel it could actually work with, I start to seek advice from people. This is one of those times.
I'm in college. I graduate in two years. There is a friend in my circle of people who was dating a man for a couple years. I met him in the fall when she brought him around. Although he was serious about her, she was not so much. She crushed on other men and a couple times crossed the line. Around Christmas she actually cheated. He saw all this coming, though was really hurt and angry. They've never been a stable couple, never had much trust, always on and off. However he didn't have the balls to end it, you know how it is to get in those cycles of putting up with stuff when we really care for someone, and they kept semi-seeing each other until a month ago. He cared for her but the relationship had turned poisonous, but it was really never that great in the first place.
We were always friends, we clicked really well. Me and this guy that is. You could feel a spark between us but he was very good about not letting on to that. Once she cheated around xmas, he became less concerned with hiding the fact that we had a connection. We would tweet at each other (initiated by him) and that's all the further it went. I would shut him down a lot bc I didn't want to get involved. Yet it escalated and we eventually were tweeting so much we didn't see why we shouldn't have each others numbers to talk. This was in April and we have talked all day every day since thru texting. Sometimes he would ask to call, since he prefers that anyways, but again I was trying to keep him at arm's distance.
The flirting obviously increased. He initiates a lot of that. I usually shake it off. He asked if we could meet up and he could take me to dinner in the city a few times, but I turned him down both times because of the mutual friend. I didn't want to see him until more time had passed from them breaking it off officially.
He tried approaching meeting up as spending time with a group of friends instead of a date. I said I could be okay with going out with him alone next weekend on a date. I've realized how much I really like him and can't imagine not seeing him. We've been building up to this since April so I feel like it's safe that he's genuinely interested in me. I've told him before I don't want to be involved with any loose ends and he said he understood. Other conversations were discussed about how he's over her.
My concerns: Is he REALLY over her? Obviously he says so, but he may just be saying that. Is it too soon? I just don't want to be a rebound as I'm looking for something more serious but I'm not sure his heart is ready. He did care for her and it was long-term and he was the one who was hurt. He never came around this past semester after the cheating except a few times bc he was hurt and I have a feeling the last time was to spend some time with me in the group. But this has been going slow as it is. And he is not trying to look for a hook-up. He's not that kind of guy.
My other concern is keeping it a secret from the girl. Although she obviously is not quite so crazy about him and will probably be with the guy she cheated with fairly soon since she's always liked this guy, she would still resent me and him being together. He hasn't told her about our conversations and talking in the last two months, so I think he's trustworthy on keeping it downplayed, otherwise it would have come out. Ideally I would like us to date in private for a few months before showing anything so that it's more acceptable and I don't get yelled at for it. She's not that good of a friend personally, it would just make the group scenarios more awkward if she doesn't like me for this. In two years, I won't see her again after I graduate...we won't even have any more classes together I don't think.
What do you all think? Sorry it was a bit long but I wanted to explain things a bit.
I haven't had the best luck in dating, some of you may be familiar with that through my other responses/posts. So when someone comes into my life that I feel it could actually work with, I start to seek advice from people. This is one of those times.
I'm in college. I graduate in two years. There is a friend in my circle of people who was dating a man for a couple years. I met him in the fall when she brought him around. Although he was serious about her, she was not so much. She crushed on other men and a couple times crossed the line. Around Christmas she actually cheated. He saw all this coming, though was really hurt and angry. They've never been a stable couple, never had much trust, always on and off. However he didn't have the balls to end it, you know how it is to get in those cycles of putting up with stuff when we really care for someone, and they kept semi-seeing each other until a month ago. He cared for her but the relationship had turned poisonous, but it was really never that great in the first place.
We were always friends, we clicked really well. Me and this guy that is. You could feel a spark between us but he was very good about not letting on to that. Once she cheated around xmas, he became less concerned with hiding the fact that we had a connection. We would tweet at each other (initiated by him) and that's all the further it went. I would shut him down a lot bc I didn't want to get involved. Yet it escalated and we eventually were tweeting so much we didn't see why we shouldn't have each others numbers to talk. This was in April and we have talked all day every day since thru texting. Sometimes he would ask to call, since he prefers that anyways, but again I was trying to keep him at arm's distance.
The flirting obviously increased. He initiates a lot of that. I usually shake it off. He asked if we could meet up and he could take me to dinner in the city a few times, but I turned him down both times because of the mutual friend. I didn't want to see him until more time had passed from them breaking it off officially.
He tried approaching meeting up as spending time with a group of friends instead of a date. I said I could be okay with going out with him alone next weekend on a date. I've realized how much I really like him and can't imagine not seeing him. We've been building up to this since April so I feel like it's safe that he's genuinely interested in me. I've told him before I don't want to be involved with any loose ends and he said he understood. Other conversations were discussed about how he's over her.
My concerns: Is he REALLY over her? Obviously he says so, but he may just be saying that. Is it too soon? I just don't want to be a rebound as I'm looking for something more serious but I'm not sure his heart is ready. He did care for her and it was long-term and he was the one who was hurt. He never came around this past semester after the cheating except a few times bc he was hurt and I have a feeling the last time was to spend some time with me in the group. But this has been going slow as it is. And he is not trying to look for a hook-up. He's not that kind of guy.
My other concern is keeping it a secret from the girl. Although she obviously is not quite so crazy about him and will probably be with the guy she cheated with fairly soon since she's always liked this guy, she would still resent me and him being together. He hasn't told her about our conversations and talking in the last two months, so I think he's trustworthy on keeping it downplayed, otherwise it would have come out. Ideally I would like us to date in private for a few months before showing anything so that it's more acceptable and I don't get yelled at for it. She's not that good of a friend personally, it would just make the group scenarios more awkward if she doesn't like me for this. In two years, I won't see her again after I graduate...we won't even have any more classes together I don't think.
What do you all think? Sorry it was a bit long but I wanted to explain things a bit.
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