[wishy0uwerehere]

the other night i had a dream my boyfriend cheated on me. for those of you who watch the sopranos, it was exactly what happened in one of the episodes lol. i think we were supposed to be the characters. but anyway, he cheated on me, i confronted him, and he acted like he had the right to do it because he liked the girl. and, although this is exactly what happens in the episode, it all seemed so realistic in the dream. and dream me got so upset...not so much about the fact that he slept with someone else, but by the fact that he liked someone else. and this is very true for real life as well. obviously, i would kill him if he slept with someone else, but i dont rationally worry that that will ever happen. however, i am incredibly terrified of him developing feelings for someone else. i know they would never be as strong as they are for me, and that he would never leave me, but for some reason it still disturbs me to the core. what scares me even more as that the longer people are married, it seems that they wouldnt care if their husband had a little crush on someone else, if it is harmless and he comes back home to his wife at the end of the day. im sure this isnt how all marriages are, but it sure seems like people take a lot from the other person the longer theyre married. this also frightens me. i feel like i should never have to settle, and sometimes i want to break up with my boyfriend over this fear...fear that one day this will be us, he will like someone else, he will find someone more attractive than me. this is incredibly stupid because i know i really cant do too much better than my boyfriend (hes really great) and he has never done anything remotely deserving of this paranoia. why cant i get control of my irrational fears about the future?

[wishy0uwerehere]

another thing...my boyfriend and i exchanged email passwords, but moreso for me...if im ever feeling paranoid i know they are there. i used to read his emails a lot more, but ive tried very hard to stop, and i had successfully up until the other day. when this dream happened, i texted him the next morning explaining what happened and how upset i was (it made me feel really off...away from reality). i told him i loved him and i was going to take a few hours to gather my thoughts, and id text him at noon. he knew id be fine and he told me not to worry about petty stuff like that, and that he loved me too. when i read his email the next day, i saw that he had messaged an ex girlfriend at ten that same day, two hours before i was going to text him. nothing sexual or even borderline flirty...just "hey how are you. im working at blah blah now, hope youre job is going well. whats new" kind of stuff. but he knows that bugs me, and we usually refrain from doing these things. i never start conversations with exs, but if an ex starts a conversation with me i wont be rude. he is the same way. so whats up with that?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You had this dream because when you watched that episode it put fear into you of your own relationship, made you think and so your sub-conscious dreamt of what you saw on TV and placed you both into the characters...It's not reality and it's your fear, fear of losing...

It's so common for women to do this, but what is there to fear? It is one person we met in our lives that will either be there for ever, or as changes happen in our life, so do we, and someone else enters it...

It's almost like if we have a baby we know that child is there forever, a connection, bond, family and so, we want the same as soon as someone enters our life..It's not the way life goes, statistically.. People come into our lives for a reason, and lessons are learnt...People exit our lives when it's time or they stay for the rest of our lives because they were meant to.

The fear, therefore snooping, will only ever create tention, arguements, pain and sometimes ultimately the finale, so honestly, enjoy and trust your relationship that's the only way they will ever have a chance in any event to work.