[Magnetism]

As far as crying, that's human nature. I won't always be like that. I don't think he's comfortable with emotion. I feel better when I cry. It's healing for me, even though he thinks it's a bad thing.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I agree But, it's the feeling that you failed that made you cry, that's not true, we are not perfect.

My Fiance is a Chef, I am a darn good cook, off course, I've gotten better by watching things that he creates, and for instance made my first reduced sauce for a steak the other night that was wicked...It's a great feeling presenting something that is Restaurant quaity, he has confidence in me, that if we ever opened a small Country restaurant that I would play a part in creating some dishes... But, there are times it sucks I don't get it right.. Sure, there are emotions there, darn, but failed? No, because we are not perfect, I just say darn, oh well last nights dish was awesome...

It's not a bad thing to cry, there is nothing wrong with emotions, I am just saying, be proud of the times you get it right, and don't stress over the odd times you don't...

[ska1331]

I think you've made the best choice in leaving him. Please keep in mind though that in the next relationship, at least from a male perspective, that as the relationship progresses, most men will want to start sharing the cost of going out. Although after 20yrs together I still prefer to pay, open the door and have he seated first. Its just how I was raised.
On the cooking, keep it up and never lose the joy of cooking. I have been cooking since I was a child and taught my wife to cook as well. That was interesting because she was afraid I wouldn't like it. I enjoyed everything she made, even the ones that weren't exactly sucesses. It was the fact that she loved me enough to make the effort and cook for me. Somewhere there is a man that will appreciate and love you cooking for him.

[Magnetism]

I think you've made the best choice in leaving him. Please keep in mind though that in the next relationship, at least from a male perspective, that as the relationship progresses, most men will want to start sharing the cost of going out. Although after 20yrs together I still prefer to pay, open the door and have he seated first. Its just how I was raised.
On the cooking, keep it up and never lose the joy of cooking. I have been cooking since I was a child and taught my wife to cook as well. That was interesting because she was afraid I wouldn't like it. I enjoyed everything she made, even the ones that weren't exactly sucesses. It was the fact that she loved me enough to make the effort and cook for me. Somewhere there is a man that will appreciate and love you cooking for him.

Ska-And that's precisely how I was raised and how other men I've met were raised too. I'm sorry if I wasn't exposed to men that were offended at having to pay. We all make mistakes and we can learn from each other.

If he had calmly said, "Honey, I love you but I would really appreciate it if you understood why I feel that we should split the costs," it would have made things better. The way how he reacted and said "Most guys would think you're a gold digger" made the difference.

His communication style and mine are different.

Being single means I can work on becoming the person I want to attract. That's the best advice my friend gave me. I was scared of breaking up, but I'm truly relieved that it's done with. I can finally work on myself again.

[Elanor-Jane]

from my experience my current bf paid for a few meals when we started going out as he was asking me out, but now when i can afford it i will contribute, or shout the whole dinner. he makes alot of money and i make next to nothing, so if he wants to do certain things and invite me he knows he has to cover me too. i think its just common sense.
if your bf cant afford to go out but suggests going out, he should check if you have the cash to pay for the night, and he can return the favour another time, or not go out.

my ex didnt make as much money and we would often split it food-him, drinks/cab-me but sometimes he would just want to take me out and pay for everything.

i made a point of saying when i started going out with my now bf, that i didnt expect him to pay for everything and i didnt want him to buy me presents etc as he was looking at being a bit too giving...sorta shot myself in the foot with the gift thing i think lol

i think try and make it as equal as possible, or more about turns perhaps? if i cook alot for my bf i dont mind if he takes me out and pays a few times. if hes using your car he should be happy to take you out---he sounds very immature.

im very funny with this sort of stuff, i dont live with my bf but insist on giving him cash every week if ive been staying at his house, eating his food etc. its not what he expects but it makes me feel more secure within myself.

[Magnetism]

EJ-He can afford. He's the one that usually picks what restaurants we go to. We will spend a day downtown and I want to go home and prepare a meal. Yet, he insists that we stay there and eat somewhere.

When I came home from a friend's house a few days, there were a $1,000 dollar speakers that were there. My concern is if I had married this man, would I have to deal with impulse buys? He doesn't see himself as an impulsive buyer, but I do. I'm the type that wants to manage money well and be realistic.

What your views are on money are important when you want to be with someone long-term. I've seen couples where one person wants to save and the other spends on everything. It gets ugly.

[jns]

When I reached adulthood, it was the normal thing for the guy to pay for everything when going out with a girl. Even if the girl had a job. This splitting costs was starting to be talked about. If the guy was a mooch, he got the girl to pay for everything. The guy who paid took pride in paying even if he had to take on a second or third job. Over time it showed that he had the drive to support a marriage and children whenever that was in the works. The ability of a guy to make good money is still prized in many cultures. I'm not sure why the ability of being able to sponge off a woman making less money should be prized in any culture.

pb, as I said in another thread about another subject, this guy is not the one for you. Take the lessons learned with you and find someone more compatible. There is someone out there that will fit most if not all of your requirements and will love you for being you, not want you to be someone else. Your requirement list is short enough and your personality is good enough that a fit can be found. Then, of course, it will take just falling in love.

[Magnetism]

JNS-You as well as 5 other guys I know have the same view. When I broke up with my boyfriend, he said "Most men would run away from you. When you date them, don't waste their time."

One of the reasons why I can't be with him is because he expects me to share his opinion. He thinks that the whole world thinks like him, when a lot of people would disagree. I feel like I can't have my own opinion or beliefs. He has told me how to feel.

It's officially done with, and he has texted my parents nasty messages. That was beyond unacceptable and I'm glad I know who he truly is.

[Magnetism]

I found this quote from a popular relationship book. You don't have to agree with it, but there are people who feel this way. Steve Harvey is a comedian, but he came out with a book "Act like a Lady. Think like man" that had some good points.

"That is how a man -- if he loves you -- this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Whatever his economic structure is, he provides for you and he will give you whatever he can."~Steve Harvey.

It's not to say that love is only measured by how much he's willing to provide. Love is much more than that, even though my ex claims that I only measure a man's love by his wallet. If that was the case, I would have begged my ex to buy all of this expensive stuff, which I didn't. I buy most of my clothes from thrift stores, for goodness sake.

I'm sorry I'm rambling and venting. Break-ups are hard when the other person isn't being civil.

[jns]

Steve Harvey is a great comedian that has good insight in how people think and act.