[BabyGirl]

Dating is a bit of a Challenge, especially starting Online.
But since you had a First date and was asked out on a 2nd date, it may be a bit early to even think " is this the one ?".

You seem to have Interest, Both seem to. He took you to meet his friends and " Favorite Band/ Bar place ". You must have passed the " Test " by his friends ..

Now it's your turn. If the band was a bit Loud and not much Convo available. Just say yes to a quiet Dinner and then he can go to his Bar later. You can always offer to meet after your Book Club for the dinner and chat, get to know each other a bit.

It is still a Date, just not an All night Date.

This will show if he is flexible or not. If he says no to the Dinner without the Band/ Bar Date attached. I would probably look elsewhere or at least keep as a Casual Friend.

[Claret]

I think asking him to change his plans (the ones he invited her to do and attend with him) is sort of changing the rules in the middle of the game. She either wants to go or not at this point. He has asked her to attend a specific event. He hasn't just said, "lets get together some night and do something", in other words leaving it open to suggestions. They are not in a relationship at this point, they've only had one date and he has asked her out on a second.
Another suggestion would be for her to say thanks but no thanks for this event, but how about we do (something she likes to do) next weekend? Then see what he says.

[Amber]

Changing the subject a little bit but something CW touched lightly on. He thinks going out with more than one guy at a time is playing the field and that you are not serious about finding someone. Since there was currently no other guys at the time when he contacted me, I decided on hiding my profile on the online dating website and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

But now I'm not sure i want to limit myself to just him. At least not yet. How do I tell him that I want to put my profile back on visible again? I mean I obviously can just do it but do I worry that it may him off? I don't want to limit myself to him. Do I actually tell him that? Not sure that is the right thing to say.

See, he is completely new to online dating and has no one on his plate. My six month subscription is running out next month and I'm not sure I just want to hide it while I'm with him. Is it wrong to want to date other guys the same time? I guess that is what I'm asking. CW, you said you don't think so?

[Hopeless Dork]

The "my friends made me sign up for that" was a typical insecure person statement. Guys, especially guys, want to be of high value... some people feel like signing up for a dating site may make them appear desperate... so I'm surpised you havent heard that line before: I signed up as a joke, or my buddies signed me... I didn't even know... blah blah blah... he was there to meet someone lol, just like you... I don't like that he felt the need to some how justify his reason for doing something that you did the exact same thing -- its just a character trait you might want to be aware of with him... if it was a one-off, or if he is always having to prove how cool he is.

Hanging out with friends a few nights a week... yeah, thats not a guy thats too heavily relationship minded. Depending on his age, if he likes hanging with the boys a few nights a week... he may be that guy, that guy that always has to surround himself with his friends and 'that guy' makes for not the best bf material. If he's younger its possible he just hasnt grown out of it. Another possibility is that he just hasnt met someone that has been worth dumping those dudes nights so often for -- and you could potentially be that one.

Its too soon to diss his taste in music. You don't have to pretend to love the band, but putting them down, calling them loud -- could be a turn off this early. I'm not saying pretend to like things you don't... I'm saying you'd be drawing a line by telling him the bands too loud, where he might be nervous to invite you anywhere the music might be loud... which could limit your potential interactions.

1 date. WAY too soon to have the, are you sure you only have weekends for me conversation. Dating more than one person is not playing the field or cheating... its called keeping your options open... something every single person should be doing until 2 people decide together that they don't need any more options, they found what they want.

You should , however, not lie or hide profiles etc.. just be honest that you are just dating now. If feelings develop you don't have to be in a relationship to stop dating others... but you have to know you are at least headed for something serious before you close the door on all others.

As for the book club thing... why not ask him if you can see him sunday instead of saturday, or ask him if you can skip dinner and meet him at the place the band is playing later in the evening. Then you get to both see him and do your regular activities... win-win.. not to mention how independent you look by saying you have prior arrangements, while also showing how considerate you are by still showing up later.

[Amber]

Hopeless Dork, when I say hiding profile, I don't mean from him or anything. It means that no new guy can see my profile so no new guy on the online dating website can contact me. It leave me open for him only and he thinks that is right. Otherwise, I'm playing the field. The fact that I can't date anyone else makes me feel sort of pressured and I don't think that is really fair. But if I tell him that I want to keep myself open, he may become insulted and run.

I would never expect him to take time away from his friends this early in the stage but I just don't understand why he had to bring it up. Why throw that in my face? It makes me wonder if he is covering himself for down the road, if things progress. And if things progress and he can't make time for me, other than weekends, then yes, I might be bothered by that. I believe in spending time with friends. All of his free time during the week with his friends, that is another story.

As for his age, he is in his early 40's.

I emailed him about saying that I have the book club in the afternoon. He said that he likes to go and support his friends by listening to their band. He misunderstood me and thought the book club was in the evening and he said if I wanted to stop by afterwards feel free or it is ok if I don't show. He said we could go out on Friday, as I suggested, if I can't make Saturday.

That puts me in a certain hard place because what do I do know, correct him and tell him it is not in the evening? Then I'm stuck listening to the music again. But I'm not going to lie and agree it is in the evening when it is not. Not sure what i'm going to do about that.

It is not that I don't like the band, it was way too loud to talk to him while they were playing. But I'm also not use to having a blaring band. I'm not about to throw down that group. I'm not sure I want to go though. I haven't decided what I'm going to do just yet.

[Amber]

Is it unusual to bring you to a bar where your friends are at only after having dinner and meeting for the first time that night? And once again he wants to see that same band on Saturday night. He misunderstood me, thinking the book club is in the evening and that is the reason I wouldn't be able to make the band or dinner. He says he likes to go support his friends who play in this band.

He gave me the option of Friday, since I was unavailable with the book club on Saturday. Would it be so wrong to want to spend time alone with him on Friday, even thought I'm available on Saturday evening? Or is this some loyalty test and that I should want to support his friends...already!!? I know he said family is important to him which I agree but does friends include in that and on the second date, I should be fine with spending time with them? I'm just wondering how usual this is.

He also suggested that I could invite my good friend to the bar Saturday night. My friend is busy with family obligations so he wouldn't be able to make it but wanting to meet a close friend of mine so early? Meanwhile, I'm not allowed to date anyone else because that is playing the field, which is wrong. He never used the word allowed but he might as well done so because he made it known that dating others is playing the field which is wrong. Is this all normal or is this a little unusual to you?

[Claret]

Pardon me for saying this but what I feel as being a bit abnormal or unusual to me, is that you are reading all these signs and symbols and coming to so many conclusions about the two of you. You have had only one date. This is certainly not the stuff dreams are made of. His remarks seem at best to me to be saying, IF we were getting into a serious relationship then he couldn't see himself (or want you) to be seeing other people. One date does not make a serious relationship.
He likes this band. He likes to support this band and his friends. Don't try to take him away from that. I, for one, would prefer to see someone that obviously has a sense of loyalty than someone without! You are reading too much into his initial conversations, you are trying to provide motive for what he says and what he does and will do without know him as a person. Get to know him first and let him get to know you before trying to structure your and his time and time spent together.

[Little]

It seems you are really stressing yourself out over this ... reading between lines that may not even be there and putting a VERY high premium on his convenience and comfort when there doesn't seem to be the same premium for yours (on your own part, not necessarily his.)
You are very concerned with what is usual or unusual ... I don't know much about that, and maybe your date is a bit rusty on his "game," so he might not know what's unusual either! Why don't you focus on what makes you personally feel uncomfortable? You can then set healthy boundaries - like telling him you aren't ready yet for him to meet your friends. You aren't comfortable leaving out information about when your book club ends on Saturday, so don't - but perhaps let him know Friday works better for you regardless. If you don't want to spend Date #2 at a music venue, you don't have to - there's no shame in telling him you'd like to be able to really hear what he's saying with no difficulty and get to know him better. I feel like you're reading too much into him supporting his friends to suggest a "loyalty test," and anybody who would put you through something like that on Date #2 is worth failing anyways :P
As far as playing the field, it sounds like he's not very secure about his ability to keep your interest. If he thinks playing the field is wrong, and you don't, tough cookies for him - that's a disagreement you'll have to have to make the most of your "dating-ship." Supposing that he is Mr. Right (or even Mr. Right Now,) your future relationship will be so much stronger because you exhausted your options.
I feel like you'd be much happier if you just let your desires come through and stand your ground on a few things, politely of course. It sounds like you're a giver, which is a GREAT quality! But you should let your partner give a little too.

[Amber]

Pardon me for saying this but what I feel as being a bit abnormal or unusual to me, is that you are reading all these signs and symbols and coming to so many conclusions about the two of you. You have had only one date. This is certainly not the stuff dreams are made of. His remarks seem at best to me to be saying, IF we were getting into a serious relationship then he couldn't see himself (or want you) to be seeing other people. One date does not make a serious relationship.
He likes this band. He likes to support this band and his friends. Don't try to take him away from that. I, for one, would prefer to see someone that obviously has a sense of loyalty than someone without! You are reading too much into his initial conversations, you are trying to provide motive for what he says and what he does and will do without know him as a person. Get to know him first and let him get to know you before trying to structure your and his time and time spent together.

Claret, I definitely agree one date doesn't make a serious relationship. In fact, it doesn't make a relationship at all. We were talking about the dating website and meeting new guys for the first time. I know for a fact he thinks it is playing the field if I date other guys now. Not later but now. And I feel he is stepping overbounds by saying that but I don't know how to nicely say this.

As for taking him away from his band, I never said he shouldn't go Saturday night. What I don't get is why I'm be introduced to his friends on the very first date. And why he wants to meet my close friends so soon. He suggested we do a double date with my close friend and his girlfriend. I have changed courses a little here and not really talking about how much time he spends with me anymore.

[Amber]

Little, when I met some of his friends the other night, that felt strange to me. I have never met someone's friends one a first date before. And I guess I will admit to myself that I'm not ready to introduced him to my friend so soon. I know my friend would probably have a field day sizing this guy up lol, but I don't want to even waste my friend's time to do so, since I don't even know what I think of this guy so far. It seems too soon to me.

And there may not be many people out on the online dating site lately but I don't like the fact that he feels I should close myself out to new guys. I don't think that is fair for a guy I just had one date with. I was being nice to do it before because I kept canceling my original date on him. I was sick and it took forever to get rid of my cold. So instead of even letting new guys in, when I couldn't even make the date with him, I took my profile off the dating site. But I don't want to keep it that way and he thinks that is playing the field if I have contact with other guys while I'm dating him now. He literally said that. I just don't have any idea how to word to him that I'm not ready being solo with him.