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Am I a bunny boiler?! Honest objective opinions wanted!

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  • Am I a bunny boiler?! Honest objective opinions wanted!

    Sorry this is so long but can someone please restore my sanity!
    Two years ago I started being pursued by a man at work. I fell for him very quickly and as ridiculous as it sounds, I actually felt as though I had met my true match. Then I found out he was in a relationship at the time (for 7 years) but he told me he felt as though meeting me had changed everything for him. He pursued me despite still being with her, sending me messages telling me I was beautiful, like he'd met an angel and that he'd never felt like this about anyone. Despite all of this he stayed with her and I felt he was playing with my feelings; by this point I had changed jobs and told him not to contact me anymore if he was still with her as it wasn't fair to anyone.
    We didn't see eachother for several months but stayed in touch via messages/calls. He always told me he missed me but often the conversation would become sexual which I wasn't that comfortable with because I'd end up feeling like some premium rate sex line and wondering if that was all he wanted. I don't mean to sound big-headed because I'm really nothing special, but supposedly at work I was considered the most attractive one in the office (it was mainly young men, few women so I didn't have much competition) and I know a lot of the men were quite lusty towards me, this guy included.
    Often I would ignore his calls and messages but he would text me relentlessly if I didn't reply "Why aren't you replying? Have I annoyed you" etc, that sort of thing. Sometimes I was very cool with him because I found it a bit full-on.
    About six months ago he broke things off with her. He arranged to see me not long afterwards but I could tell by his behaviour that it was too soon for him to be dating again. The next day he went cold again and after two weeks, he had started seeing her again.
    Once again I was left feeling as though I had been messed around and found myself having to get over him again. I got into a new relationship but when that broke up, we got back in contact again. He was no longer with his ex and said that it was definitely over. He started again saying he wanted to see me, he missed me, he hated thinking of me with someone else etc. I was reluctant to get involved with him and told him as much, as he wasn't that long single and may be enjoying the 'single life', but I decided to give it another chance. As I said, for some reason I actually felt as though this guy was 'the one'.
    We started dating for several weeks and eventually slept together- he would have slept with me after the first date, which again raised my fears that was all he was after. With this in mind, we had a conversation where I told him I really didn't want to be messed around; I told him I didn't want to be just a sideline sex thing if he didn't see this going anywhere and, again, I said if he was enjoying the 'single life' then he should tell me that now. The next day he texted me in a really cold way(not called- texted, in the middle of the day while I was at work) and said we shouldn't see each other anymore "It's not you, I just don't want a relationship." I asked him why he had bothered hooking up with me again then and he said "I wanted to make sure I knew how I felt about things"- regardless of how I would feel, obviously.
    Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because, once again, I felt like he had messed with my mind and feelings. We spoke a bit in the week but he was really off with me, like I'd done something really awful. I didn't contact him for over a week after that but it was driving me nuts how he had gone from literally behaving as though he was in love with me to not wanting to know anymore. So, to my shame, I messaged him on Iphone Whatsapp (where you can see when the person has read their messages). I sent him probably four messages saying, I don't understand why you're treating me as if I've done something wrong, I don't want us to not be friends etc. He then replied "I think it's for the best that we don't as I don't want you to fall for me again and to be honest you're behaving a bit odd. You're actually freaking me out a bit."
    I was so offended, particularly given the way he has behaved in the past with his relentless messaging which bordered on stalkerish. I apologised for freaking him and out and said that I got the hint and would not be bothering him again. He replied, "Don't be so overdramatic. Night night X" ????! The reason I mentioned earlier about me being the 'attractive one' at work is because sometimes I feel as though he gets a bit of a thrill out of me being so wrapped up in him (as he is not what one would call conventionally attractive, although I found him to be very attractive) and likes to play these games with me as he gets a kick out of it.
    This morning I have woken up feeling like a complete idiot; I feel so embarrassed that I have behaved like one of THOSE girls i.e bunny boiler types and that I 'freaked him out'. I would really appreciate an objective opinion on this situation, was I being a bit psycho messaging him or is he once again messing with my emotions?
    My biggest problem in this situation is that I am still in love with him... Please give me some advice!

  • whoa whoa whoa.

    Is this guy for REAL? Honey, I would tuck your bunny tail between your legs and count your losses. He is all over the place, and you dont need that in your life. He totally knows he has you wrapped around his finger, and he plans on taking advantage of it obviously. You dont need that kind of treatment.
    The children almost broken by the world become the adults most likely to change it


    • This guy is completely poisonous. It seems he was only in it for the chase, and once he got what he wanted (ie sex with you), he backed off and started playing mind games to make you feel like YOU were doing something wrong.

      There isn't anything in your post that tells me you're crazy. You're not some "bunny boiler," you are a human being with actual, real feelings - and this guy took full advantage of the situation by persuing you, acting like he really cared, getting what he wanted, and then bailing and making you feel like it was your fault.

      I can't imagine what 2 long years of this cat and mouse game must be like. Block his #, get rid of all his contact info, ignore him if you see him out, and start fresh. No moe wasting time on a cold-hearted "man" like him.


      • You are so far from crazy it's crazy. This is one of those guys who puts women up on pedestals so that they can have a ****-fit when they find out that those women are human beings. They can't love the same woman that they have sex with, and they're bundles of issues.

        Run, don't walk, away from this guy.
        <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>


        • you need to loose this guy's phone number, email, address and block him from contacting you again. By staying in contact with his all these years, you have been dangling the possibility of something happening between you two. He said he broke up with his girlfriend. How can you be so sure. He has been pursuing you for 2 years. Maybe he just said that to get into your pants. It is clear he is a player. You want to have nothing to do with him. Not even friendship.

          Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. But you can control your next steps. As long as you keep talking to him, you will have a difficult time moving on. Why would you even want a friendship with somebody who treats you like just another conquest. Count your loses and move on. Don't look back.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


          • You are definately not crazy! I would follow the others' advice and cut your losses. This guy is no good, and the best way to get back at him is to get over him. Next time he comes around and realizes you're no longer his, it will sting more than anything else you could do to him. You're beautiful, sexy, and sophisticated. You don't need a guy like that in your life and it really sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. Don't let him disrespect you anymore. He doesn't deserve another bit of your time (even if he comes around saying he's really sorry...just remember how many times he did it to you and how much it hurt)...don't give in. You deserve better!


            • Ahh he sounds like one of those push-pull game jerks. He wants what he can't have, when he has it he doesn't want it, he's about the chase, not the catch. Bad potential for anything meaningful with this guy. When he had a chick, he wanted you yet didn't end things with his girlfriend... that should already tell you enough about his character...

              Guys that are like him, its a rare cold day in heck that they change their ways. He's already turned you into someone you don't want to be, don't let him further alter your behaviors. The more you want him, the more you 'freak out' the more he will close up. The less you want him, the more he will chase -- how long you want to play that game for?

              You deserve to be with a guy you don't have to act like a stranger to in order to gain attention. Nothing good can come from that except those fleeting moments when he's chasing you.
              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.



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