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No sex drive

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  • No sex drive

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. He's the first (and only) person I've had sex with, and it can be a lot of fun. The thing is, I don't have any kind of sex drive. It is completely nonexistent. Whenever he wants to fool around and I don't, he gets upset with me and accuses me of having my "sexual needs fulfilled by someone else" (exact quote he used this morning). He has a lot of trust issues and has asked me a million times if I'm cheating on him, if I have feelings for someone else, that sort of thing. Most of the time when I tell him the truth - that he is the only man in my life, and I would never cheat on him - he doesn't believe me and tells me to stop lying to him. I have some insecurities of my own; I was in a 2-year long relationship with a guy who cheated on me several times with several different girls. He knows what happened between me and my ex, and I've told him several times that I know how it feels to be cheated on so why would I want to subject someone else to that?
    I've asked him before if he's only dating me to have sex with me. He said no, and I believe him. We do a lot of things together outside the house like go on dates, go hiking, go to the grocery store, watch a movie with friends, babysit his niece and nephew. He's a very sweet guy and I really like him a lot, so I want to make him feel good by fooling around with him and stuff. Something I've thought of is birth control; I'm taking Aviane, so could that be part of the problem? Another thing I've tried explaining is that since he's the first and only person I've slept with, maybe I'm just not really used to it yet or something. I'm very confused and this is ruining our relationship. I want to stay with him and I want to have a sex drive, but I don't know how. Please help!

  • Your sex drive isn't even the major issue in this situation. Him accusing you of cheating or having feelings for someone else is the biggest problem I see. I can understand if you've been having sex every day for the last month and then all of a sudden you don't have sex for 2 months if they might think that, but if he asked and you said no he should take it for what it is. Instead of accusing you of cheating it would be a better idea to work on it together to try to figure out why your sex drive is low and what you both can do to get it going again.

    Are you on any birth control? That can play a role in libido, as well as, diet, exercise, and sleep routine. Another med that can cause low libido is anti depressants. Are you on any of those or what is your lifestyle like?

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    • I am on birth control- Aviane. Before I started sleeping with him, I took it to control the severe cramps I got. They were so bad that I couldn't even stand up. Now I'm on it for its more intended purpose.

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      • Birth control can play a big factor in low sex drive. That's a very common complaint of birth control users. I am not entirely sure if there is anything that could change this, besides getting in the right mind-set. Is there any "reason" for not feeling in the mood? Many times when I am not in the mood it's because I'm stressed, tired, bummed out, depressed, or crabby. Are you any of those when you aren't in the mood?

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        • Or when I'm having a "fat day"... then I just don't feel sexy or want to have any type of sexual content.

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          • Him accusing you of cheating constantly could be effecting your sex drive. I know I wouldn't want to have sex with my boyfriend if he was constantly degrading me like that. It's hurtful and shows a lack of trust. If you two are sleeping together, trust is huge. If you've been cheated on before, it's possible that you subconsciously associate negativity with sexual contact and therefore have no drive for it. I recommend talking to a psychologist about it. While birth control can affect it, the biggest part of sex drive is the brain - treat your mental health.
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