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Heart Broken..

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  • Heart Broken..

    Me and my boyfriend just recently broke up.. it's killing me. First, about a little less than a month ago we decided to take a break because we kept fighting. During this break, there were fights and he was acting differently and hanging out with new people. But, he was still saying he loved me. It was very confusing. Then after about a week, he told me he lost all feelings for me and said i'm not who he loves.. I don't understand because we spent 3 years together and we were so in love.. Like, just a month ago we were hanging out together, laughing, cuddling, everything was okay. Even at one point during the break, he told me i was still the most important person to him. But now, he's telling me he lost all feelings and he doesn't want me in his life anymore. I've been trying to convince him that we can fix things and i would do anything. I know, i've been sounding "needy" but, i just love him so much. I would do anything. I don't know what to do with myself because for 3 years, he was always there. He was the first person i've ever opened up to. He knew everything. He was my bestfriend, too. And now, he's moved on already! It's been 2 weeks since he "lost feelings for me". I haven't talked to him in about a week. It's hard. But, it's gotta be done. As soon as i stopped trying to convince him i'd fix everything because i was going to try the no contract thing for a while, he moved on the next day! How is that possible? Just last month we were together and we still loved eachother! Even during the "break" he said he loved me! And now, he wants nothing to do with me.. I don't understand it. He seems to really like this girl and i don't know what to do. I want him back, but i also don't want someone who can hurt me like this back. I can't get him off my mind. What should i do? I'm so confused..

  • Surround yourself with friends. Get out and do stuff. Distract your mind. By keeping your mind busy, you'll be less likely to feel that "hurt" you've been feeling. I went through something similar with my ex. One day he just decided he didn't want to be with me after almost 4 years. It was very confusing and it hurt. I wondered how I could live without my "best friend" when he has been there by my side for the last 4 years, but here's the thing. YOU CAN. Time heals everything girl. Just give yourself the time you need. Find a new hobby, get a new look, treat yourself to something special to make yourself feel like a princess (which you are!). When I was feeling that way, I met up with old friends which helped me make new friends. I even just went over to friends places to just watch movies so I didn't have to sit there by myself and think about him. I did anything I could to keep my mind off him and slowly but surely, his thought disappeared in my head. I ended up meeting someone, who showed me how wonderful I could be treated. I'm marrying this guy in October. Back then if someone would have came up to me and said "You and Chris are going to break up and you'll later meet another guy and marry him" I woulda told them to get bent. But, it did happen and you have to learn to get in touch with yourself again. Yes, it hurts, but you WILL be okay. Chin up girly!

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    • lizzardb63 has given good advice and a personal situation that tells what is possible. Good luck.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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      • There's a saying "all's fair in love and war." So while it doesn't seem fair, it might be comforting to know that 1. He told you how he felt and didn't keep you in what would become an unfulfilling relationship 2. He did it sooner rather than later. It's difficult no doubt, but you have to be positive. You never know what fate holds in store for you and this just takes you closer to the day you meet someone who will make you the apple of their eye and appreciate you for all that you are.

        Just keep on doing what's right for you and focus your energies on friends and family and most of all yourself. The cure for heart break is time. Just gotta put in the time.

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        • ive been thru the same thing. its so hard in the beginning, and when people say "time will heal all wounds" i know you want to punch them. its hard to hear because you think youre different and your wounds wont heal. they will. and in time things will become more clear...you will start to realize that someone who doesnt want to fight for you, someone who has fallen out of love with you, is not worth your time. if they dont want to try to fix it, and you do, THEY are a waste of YOUR time. you will find someone who WILL want to fight for you no matter what. "the only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs"

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          • The end of a relationship causes most people to grieve many stages of grief.. the denial that its really over, the bargaining "I will do anything to fix it".. you will back and forth through many feelings before coming to acceptance. Like the other poster said, surrounding yourself with friends and family is going to be extremely necessary.

            Also, as cliche as it is, time really does heal all wounds. The trick is getting through the pain that time can take. Stay busy. Do some things you've put off doing, taking a class, joining a gym, starting a hobby.. something new that you didn't have time for before, do it now.

            Avoid remininscing about the 'good times' and snuggle moments, and instead if you MUST reflect, reflect on the arguments, reflect on the time you spent unhappy and try to keep it honest. We tend to romantisize past relationships, rather than see them for the flaws that ultimately ended up in their end.

            Understand that your great love of your life may be around the corner, and the experiences you've gained in this relationship have helped build you to be the person you are and will become. Don't see it as wasted time with bitterness in your heart, instead see as a chapter in your lifes book, one that has many more chapters to be written.
            Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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