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Friends with benefits...

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  • Friends with benefits...

    Alrighty.. For the past 2 months or so I have been sleeping with this guy. We met at a friend of mines house warming party, and he was the new room mate. We really hit it off, and he's a really nice guy.. but that's all i saw him as, a nice guy. I had gone over to his place since to see my friend and had gotten speaking, hung out and had a laugh. When i came to my mates birthday night, we had both had a LOT to drink and ended up doing the dirty. Since then we have been having casual sex, and it's been great. Not over complicating, or defining the relationship. And we get along really well. Well 2 weeks ago he decided to tell me he likes me, i choked and said i felt the same way. I didn't really speak to him for a few days while i let this settle in my head, and when i came to the decision of 'Hey, i think i do like him', he turns around and said he changed his mind, and he likes things the way they were... JUST AS I DID. I wasn't upset, more so relieved, but the more i think of it, the more upset i do get. And im not sure why. I feel a little bit hurt. I do like things the way they are, and no way are we compatible in any other way. So I suppose now i need some tips and tricks to stop myself from putting to much of myself into this, and take out some of the girly emotion. Anyone who had been in this situation, what did you find that helped keep it easy and breazey? Bedroom tricks to keep him on his toes also welcome I have recently come out of a long term relationship and just want to let down my hair and have some fun. Nice and simple.

  • Well 2 weeks ago he decided to tell me he likes me

    I
    wasn't upset, more so relieved, but the more i think of it
    I do like things the way they are, and no way are we compatible in any other way.
    Hun, trust your gut feeling and don't see it any other way..You are not ready.. He was ensuring you are still there, you know? And back-tracked as he "thought" you wanted more

    Sex is sex, lust is lust, just tell him that you love being with him but not full time and you took his comment to mean the same but it kind of got confused in the conversation
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • FWB is hard. I honestly think that there are few people this truly works for..at least for anything length of time. It seems as though feelings always get involved...emotions that no one expected etc. I think any time you're having that kind of close physical intimacy with someone it's normal to develop some tie to them. Most of the time that tie isn't strong enough to equal a long lasting deep bonded relationship......but it's enough to get you wondering "what if?".

      I've also found that in FWB relationships, they so very often turn out with resentment. You go into it fully thinking "I only want FWB!", but then after a while you start to think "Hmmm.......I'm a pretty darn good catch, why doesn't this guy want more from me than this?" EVEN if YOU don't truly want more yourself. Then he meets a girl that he does actually want a full on relationship with, has to cut you off, then you're left wondering "Wait......why wasn't I good enough?". Then you suffer a bust to your self esteem.......sort of like sticking your hand in fire and coming out with a burn.

      When you want casual sex, it only makes sense to find one person to enjoy that with......but at the same time it REALLY puts a contradicts and puts a strain on the whole "casual" part.

      If you truly see yourself with this guy for more than sex, be bold, be honest, and tell him so. He will either reciprocate or not. It sounds like he's a bit confused as well. Probably stated his feelings then retracted them to avoid awkwardness. If you DON'T see yourself with this guy for more than sex, it sounds to me like it's time to cut those ties because clearly there is more than just sex going on here and I'm afraid it will lead to hurt and confusion for both of you.
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • I think BD is right, FWB sounds like a great concept, but most people are wired in a way that makes it not work.

        Comment


        • Like the other posters said, its time to jump full in or completely cut the cord. FWB only works if you aren't actually friends and don't have other relationships, like a common friends. It only works if all you are doing is having sex and not seeing each other in any other capacity. If you are, then relationships develop (and I don't mean the romantic type only). What if you are at the common friend's house and meet somebody else interesting and this FWB person is there. Makes it uncomfortable.

          Seems its already gotton complicated. If you want to let you hair down and not be tied to a single person right now, I would recommend breaking it off completely.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

          Comment


          • ""Well 2 weeks ago he decided to tell me he likes me, i choked and said i felt the same way. I didn't really speak to him for a few days while i let this settle in my head, and when i came to the decision of 'Hey, i think i do like him', he turns around and said he changed his mind, and he likes things the way they were...""

            From a dudes perspective, most likely he still does like you, but you threw him off by waiting two days to respond. Two full days of hanging off the edge of a cliff like that can drive a man nuts. He thought you were cutting him off for coming on to fast, so he told you ""NEVERMIND"" out of fear of messing up what he's already got goin with you.

            Comment


            • thanks guys.. well, still seeing said person.. But feelings have really started rearing it's ugly head. I have started wondering why I'm not good enough for more then JUST THIS, even though I don't want more just like BD said. I am now waiting for the right moment to bring this up, have a heart to heart and sort this out once and for all. This weekend was weak on both out parts, Nothing really happened. Last weekend we talked about the situation and we both said points that really made us appreciate our 'arrangement'. But whenever I go home, or he goes home... Here I am again.. wondering 'WHY!!'. What's worse is, although I don't want more from this, I have started growing feelings for him.. And I'm fairly sure it's because I know he doesn't want more. It's just turning into one big mind **********. But at the same time, I enjoy having him there, because whenever I get lonely I know I have him to turn to. Urghhh this is not the outcome I was hoping for. It's not over yet, and I still have faith that FWB can work. But we shall see in a few days if that changes or not...

              Comment


              • I do not know of one friends with benefits whereby "one" out of the two ends up with feelings and it's usually the woman, why? Because it does reduce you to think "what's wrong with me? " and secondly, because we have alot more emotions that men do. And, thirdly because we are "LONELY" ..Now think on that last one because you are "settling" .. If you are lonely, start dating... Get out there and find your worth and end that, with a great relationship with someone worthy of you.

                How else is it going to pan out, other than the way you are thinking?

                He isn't showing that he want ME
                I am LONELY
                It's now getting to my emotions.
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • FWB is hard to pull off. Mostly, one person in the relationship usually does not want things to change and would rather dump the relationship than upgrade it.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • Yea have fun but PLZ if you dont want a broken heart or break the other persons heart dont get involved friends w. benefits because someone always walks away hurt ALWAYS it never ends well i speak with much experience and know how simple things can go very bad

                    Comment

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