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Breaking up after 5 years.

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  • Breaking up after 5 years.

    Two nights ago i ended it with my boyfriend because he lied to me and went somewhere behind my back, and i just can't deal with being lied to anymore. Just to clarify it wasn’t a strip club or anything like that and I’m not angry about where he went really im just angry that he lied about going and hid it from me, and is still denying it, even when I have some pretty good proof. I told him just come clean, tell me the truth and I’ll forgive you but he is still denying it. He keeps pestering me, calling me numerous times saying how he just cant live without me and blah blah. I told him the earlier he accepts that it’s over, the easier it will be for him. His friend even went to the extent of messaging me saying it wasn’t my boyfriend in the photo that I saw, it was someone else, yeah right. I am just hurt that he lied, if he had just told me, I wouldn’t care. And the annoying thing is, if I had done the same thing to him, and lied to him about going somewhere, HE WOULD FLIP and probably react worse than me. Now its as if he is trying to play mind games, last night after bugging me for a whole day, he said ‘maybe we are better off without each other, it was nice knowing you.’ BUT STILL didn’t admit to lying? And then this morning he sends me a text saying ‘its so hard to live without you, I don’t know how your coping but I really can’t cope.’ I told him this is for the best. If he admitted to it I probably would have forgiven him, I just HATE being lied to. And I’m finding it so hard to cope with this break up… every hour feels like a decade..

  • Is this the first lie he has told you or has there been a pattern? If its the first time, I would reexamine the situation. It seems pretty drastic to end a 5 year relationship over a single mistake. There is always two sides to the story and you should make sure you know the other side pretty well before making a drastic decision. Is he the lying type? The fact that he denies its him, maybe there is something to that story. Where was he if he wasn't where you believe he was?

    Relationships are difficult and everybody makes mistakes. Its how a person handles the mistake that makes/breaks the relationship.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


    • When you're with someone for that long, you expect honesty. There is nothing wrong with that. I feel like you do in relationships, if you're going to lie to me over little things, you're defintely going to lie to me over bigger more damaging things. The common excuse is "I just didn't want you to be mad". But in my opinion, that's a total cop out to save face. A real man tells the truth, can explain himself, and would rather you know the truth than to live lies.

      I ended a 5 year relationship and engagement after discovering my fiance called a girl (and ironically I wasn't even snooping... ) that he had dated a couple weeks during our break up. I saw that number.......and I took my ring off and left while he was in the shower. I didn't care if it amounted to nothing.....what I cared about was that he, my fiance...told me he was no longer speaking to this person and would never take advantage of my trust. By calling her (when she hadn't even called him first), he made himself a liar. And that's all it took. I couldn't go back.

      He needs to understand that it is not this one lie. It is all of them (assuming things like this have happened before). It's the hard cold truth that you cannot respect a man who lacks integrity. That you need to know the man you're with will do his very best to make the right choices, to make the choices he'd want YOU to make if the situation were reversed. That you need to be able to trust the man you're with.
      "Be what you're looking for."


      • i just can't deal with being lied to anymore
        Just a thought to run by you.

        If he has been constantly lying to you..and he's not doing anything bad, ie) going to a strip club, rather going to the bar with the boys and not telling you, or telling you he is going somewhere else. Why does he "feel" that he has to lie to you about that? Why does he feel that you wouldn't like him going out? Or to a club?

        Often lies are made from "knowing" they can't do something and it's better to lie because they know they are not doing anything wrong.

        Perhaps you need to just have a think on that if that's the case. Relationships are about trust and people are about being able to be themselves..



        • are you 100% POSITIVE that he lied? i hate being lied to as well, about anything, so i get it. but if you love him, can you try to get an explanation out of him? why he lied about where he went. i hate to say it, but i feel like sometimes white lies are necessary. again, i dont know where he went so i cant say, but youve been together 5 years...he seems to be fighting for you, maybe you should give him another chance


          • when i say are you 100% positive he lied, i meant are you positive that he DID go to this place you think he went?



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