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how long after you start dating do you become exclusive?

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  • how long after you start dating do you become exclusive?

    ive been dating a guy for about 2 months...hes really great and we get along quite well. he reminds me of a male version of myself, and i think he also can see that im a lot like him. anyway, he was very upfront and honest in the beginning and told me that he liked getting to know me but he wasnt going to settle down until someone "stopped his world" and that there were still a few girls that he wanted to meet (he and i met online, so i think he is referring to other onliners). he told me this a few days after the first date. fine. i quite appreciated his honesty. anyway, it has been going amazingly since then, and i know im not the only one that feels that way. we text every single day (and night) and see each other every weekend. he has introduced me to his parents who i love and who seem to really like me...ive been to his house a few times to have dinner with them. it is going disturbingly well, so i assumed that it was progressing as most normal relationships do. but last night he was texting in front of me, and in his inbox there were messages from someone with the name "nicole blond pof" (pof is plenty of fish, a dating site). nice name too, right? that makes him seem like an ****** but i swear hes not lol. anyway, i was hurt of course. i thought i was making him happy and we were slowly going from "we went on a date" to "ok im starting to like you so i want you to meet my family" and so on. i didnt think that if i was at that point, he would still be searching for other women to talk to. he did nothing wrong, because we never discussed exclusivity, but ive been told by multiple people, including my therapist, to not force relationships, and let them happen. if they are good they will develop, and then you will want to stop seeing other people. i thought it was good, but i guess its not that good? am i being ridiculous or overreacting? at this point, now that i have this information, it will hurt me to see him and kiss him, because when i leave i will know it didnt mean anything, and he could be texting that girl and/or others. i am going to ask him tomorrow "where he sees this going" and be honest that i like him and think we have potential and its hard for me to imagine developing this relationship further if hes doing god knows what with other girls. if he says he isnt ready to go off the dating site, should i walk? or should i suck it up, and continue to be with him while im the back of my mind i know hes still chatting up others? i just dont want to wait around if hes gonna dump me for the next girl who comes along whos better :/

  • to make a note: i have no idea what the texts said. i have no idea if he found this girl recently or months before he met me. they could be sexting or he could have been telling her "i know we talked awhile ago but im seeing someone now so leave me alone." absolutely no idea, i just saw that that person was in there. so i assumed the worst. because with my luck, the worst is always correct. trust me lol


    • My boyfriend and I have many mutual female friends and he always gives them the same advice.. U can have any relationship u want u just need to demand it. If u think ur relationships at that point tell him u want to be exclusive. Women are afraid of coming off too needy and let themselves be taken advantage of, u have more power then u think, use it. 2 months is long enough for him to know if he likes u enough to have a relationship with.


      • Your Therapist is correct in not forcing a relationship. But also , hopefully your Therapist has you looking into yourself, deciding what you want in a relationship, what you are looking for, believing that there is someone out there for you and realizing your self worth is more valuable, than being 2nd or 3rd in a guys, preference of a possible "S.O".

        Myself, I would get together with him, face to face, over coffee or a meal ( not on phone, Text or Computer Video chat ), Or a place you could end up in Bed ..

        I would tell him that you like him allot, are attracted to him, are beginning to have some deeper feelings than just Friendship for him. I wouldn't ask him how he thinks about you ( that's a Pressure for him to make a decision in an Instant ).. He may have to think up an answer that won't hurt your feelings if he just likes you as a friend or a fun date. Or even just to have you as " Booty Call ", which would be rude and using, but if you are willing to hang around, it could be more Icing for him.

        So then , tell him you would like to get to know him better in an One on One type relationship. That is when you can say " so do you want to try being Exclusive and not date others or are you thinking we should date others and just keep " Us " as casual friends " ?

        Even though that is also an Instant Decision, the way it is worded will probably have him answer one way or the other pretty Quickly. If he says, just friends for now, or I don't Know.. You pretty well have your answer. He's not as into you as you are him, he is still looking for the "Girl that Rocks his World".

        Now he may also say, he was afraid to push you into exclusivity and be happy to just date you. The thing here, is you will have Communicated and without Communication, you can only Guess at things, hope for something, Waste your Time Hoping and not putting yourself " Out there " for that " Special Someone".

        If it works out that he decides " Friends " are OK ...That is Cool. You will know you were attractive enough, personality wise and otherwise, to have a Nice Mans interest. One that could be taken home to his " Mama". lol

        Then ... Casually Date/ Not sleep/ Around, have fun, Stay Friends with him, but withhold " The F Buddy Or Friends with Benefits " for a few Months or even Forever.

        You just might have found your " Male Version " of you, with you both seeming so much alike. You just may become one of those Best Friends that is Female that most ( younger ) gals, seem to resent .. lol

        Either way, your Mind and Heart are questioning right now. So they are " forcing " you to make a decision on Relationships. And Communication is the Answer. With Him and With Yourself..

        Good Luck Sweetie...

        You will know allot more when he decides you are the Only " Fish in the Sea " and deletes his " Dating Site "..


        • I don't think there's a set time limit for when two people who are dating become exclusive. That point happens when both both people have strong enough feelings for one another that they don't want to date anyone else. If you're at that point with this man, then it's time for a talk on where you see the relationship going.

          And given all the time you've spent together, the family meeting, etc, he should have a pretty darn good idea if he wants to be exclusive with you or not by now. You're not forcing anything, so don't feel self conscious about that...


          • There is not really a time limit, but some people take longer to sort things out. Your dating partner isn't there yet. He may have so many restrictions on what he wants that it will be almost impossible for someone to fulfill them. There is rocking someone's world and then there is compatibility. Sometimes a given individual will go after someone that rocks their world without giving enough emphasis on compatibility. Then later they wonder why the relationship broke up. Everything in moderation, but be more fanatical about compatibility. He may have to learn that lesson.

            Don't force a relationship, but you can find out where you stand.

            Many things in life take us out of our comfort zones. When we successfully do what we need to do in those situations, we grow and become comfortable in our abilities to do what we thought we couldn't do. He may need a little push to get there.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


            • Wishy-I think your therapist and friends gave good advice that a serious relationship will happen over time. I know it's nerve-wrecking to want to know where you stand. If you're the type of woman that's comfortable asking a man what the status is, go for it. If you're not comfortable probing and pushing (like me), then I would trust that time will be on my side. If I was in your position, I would also be going on casual dates with other men and expanding my options. If a man wants to be exclusive about me, he will let me know somehow either by his actions or his words. My personal opinion is that 2 months can bea little too soon to be exclusive. I like to take a few months to get to know someone and then decide. You can do whatever feels right for you. Good luck.
              "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"



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