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Leave him or Learn to trust him?

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  • Leave him or Learn to trust him?

    I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love him very much. But he cheated on me twice before and broke my trust. He changed in November because he didn't want to lose me. He always wants to spend time with me and we do, and always tells me what he is going to do that day. But I still I have a strong feeling that I can't trust him and he will cheat on me again. I don't know if it's just because im paranoid from his past mistakes. I really want to trust him but I have been hurt alot that I feel like I can't. I don't know what to do because I keep nagging at him about his past mistakes. Any advice?

  • If you can't regain the trust you once had in him (and I couldn't blame you for that, I doubt I could trust again in your situation) then you must move on.

    No relationship will ever work if there is not trust, mutual respect, and forgiveness.

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    • How can you learn to trust someone that you can't trust? In my opinion, he has proven to you that you can't trust him and your intuition is telling you that he will prove that further in the future.

      I set a standard for myself several years ago after I came out of a relationship in which I was cheated on multiple times. That standard is = if you betray my trust (i.e. cheating), the relationship is over. It's really that simple. Trust is WAY too important in a relationship to allow yourself to be in one with someone you can't trust. You're cheating yourself of real, free, passionate love.
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
        I set a standard for myself several years ago after I came out of a relationship in which I was cheated on multiple times. That standard is = if you betray my trust (i.e. cheating), the relationship is over. It's really that simple. Trust is WAY too important in a relationship to allow yourself to be in one with someone you can't trust. You're cheating yourself of real, free, passionate love.
        I agree with this wholeheartedly. I, too, have this standard. I'm not sure how, but some people are able to overcome their partner's infidelity (even multiple infidelities), forgive it, and learn to trust them again. I'm not one of those people, but I know there are those people out there who have this ability.

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        • He cheated twice? He doesn't deserve your trust or respect. I wouldn't expect any woman to take me back after that. This is all assuming the relationship was rosy and he just strayed for his own reasons and not because you were on the rocks or the relationship was falling apart.
          "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

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          • I wonder if he cheated on you with the same person twice? Under what circumstances did he cheat? Like Budda says above if he cheated just for the thrill and no other reason it will be hard for him to learn not to cheat again, however if he strayed to fulfil a need (or desire) or if your relationship was in trouble at the time you may be able to talk through how he can deal with these issues without using sex with someone else as a solution.

            Trust once broken is hard to rebuild but not impossible if you both work hard enough. I personally couldn't do it but well done to you for trying, he must mean a lot to you for you to forgive him. If you are decided that you want to repair things try not to just nag endlessly about it, that will only do more damage (as you know), try to sit down and have a constructive conversation about why he cheated without going off the rails when he speaks honestly. He needs to know he can open up to you without you going mad. Good luck to you both
            Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

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            • If someone cheats on me, I'm gone. There has to be trust and respect. He needs to respect you, but more importantly, you need to respect you. If you want this to work though, you do need to tell him what's going through your head, and not keep rubbing his nose in it.
              Personally, I would not want to be "looking over my shoulder" constantly wondering when it would happen again.

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              • I think that if somone cheats once AND the reason for their cheating (whatever it is) doesn't go away, they are likely to do it again. Only you can decide if you want to live with someone who will likely cheat in the future - don't listen to anyone else tell you its BAD, or OK, only you know how it affects you.

                Comment


                • I agree, I think trust is very important and without it, relationship is worthless.
                  “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

                  ― Mae West

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