[horsyluvr]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now. My 21st birthday was a few days ago. He was supposed to go out partying with my friends and I that night, but he told me last minute that he had to work bingo for the fire department and softball games start next week for his work, so he couldn't come. I got angry with him because we'd been planning for him to come to my party for a year in advance. He later told me (a few days after I asked him to do something with me for my birthday since he wasn't there), that he was planning something for it. 2 days after my birthday we met at a restaurant to work things out. We did. But my friends and family are telling me I should either get rid of him or wait and see what happens. I'm not sure what to do. A few weeks before my birthday we went to a wedding where they only played 1 slow dance at the reception. I asked him to dance and he flat out said no. He says he still wants to be together. I told him he hasn't been acting like it and asked if anything was on his mind. He stated he saw his ex gf a week ago and it brought back memories, but that his friend pointed out that those are in the past. also the girl is moving to north carolina. My boyfriend told me that was his first love so he'll always have those feelings for her but not like the feelings he has for me.

[jns]

It sucks when you can't do what you want to do for a birthday. It probably sucked for him, too. Sometimes things come up that you have to do that destroy plans. That being said, why did he have to work the bingo? Was he the one with the least seniority? Did he need to do it to show he was a team player? What? There are always obligations. If he had a solid reason for missing the party, try to forgive him. Your friends and family may be being a little harsh, but I need to hear the rest of the story to come up with a solid answer.

Some guys dance and others do not, at least not easily. Does he dance with you to other songs? Does he just not like slow dancing very close?

His ex gf should not have a big place in his mind at this time since it has been quite a while. But the "what if"s probably come forward when he is reminded of what might have been. In that case, it is best to remember it was not meant to be. Speaking from experience, he will handle the "what if"s better as time goes by and he has a better perspective on things. Did she break up with him, was it the other way around or was it mutual?

[Little]

His story sounds a little shady, and I think the questions JNS asked are important ... how legitimate was his absence from your birthday? Does he generally just shut you down for dancing or slow dancing? Has he ever expressed to you that he's just not that into dancing?

If I were in your shoes, I'd have been DEEPLY hurt by the situation with his ex-girlfriend. He didn't just see her, get a little moony, and get over it. He had to be talked down by his buddy and reminded that the girl would be leaving the state soon. When he says he "wants to stay together," what I hear is "Sure, I want to stay with you. But I also want to look for another girl to be with. I just don't want to be single while I do it!" Because when you say he isn't acting like he wants to be with you, I see where you're coming from.

[horsyluvr]

He stated it was because he has to have 40 hrs of working bingo to stay in the fire department. it's only on fridays and since his games will be on fridays, he had to go. He isn't a senior member. It was also his idea to talk a few days after.

He likes to slow dance but he stated since it was an old song no one knew he didn't want to. but it was also the only slow song they played.

They dated when he was around 22 yrs old for a year and a half. he's 25 now. He told me she broke up with him for no reason. But when they recently ran into each other they started talking like old friends and he invited her out for a beer and thats when he found out she's moving soon.

[horsyluvr]

When we first met we ran into her where she works. it was his idea to find her and show me off in front of her like "hey, I moved on." she gave us a scared look real quick then stormed off. Now for them to talk like old friends? I've asked him if i should be worried about this and he said "no. there is a reason we (her and I) aren't together anymore and that you and I are."

I am also in the military and about to switch stations soon. He is 25 and living with his parents. not going to school.