Hello! I have a situation that is kind of complicated, and I would appreciate any help I could get.
I made a big mistake a few weeks ago. I went out with some friends, and there was drinking and flirting. I was going to go back home afterward, but the guy I had been flirting with pulled me into his apartment. He promised me that he wouldn't do anything, but we got to kissing and ended up messing around (this was my decision, too- he did not force anything on me). We had a really good time and got to talking.
The next time I was him was about 5 days later. I went over to his apartment, and we kissed and talked. Nothing too crazy. I really began to like him.
The day after that, he texted me to see what I was up to, and I told him I was drinking a little and cleaning the apartment. I did not mean to make myself look vulnerable or anything like that, but I think I did. I think I'm just trying to look like I'm someone who can have fun because I a am a hard worker who has a full time job and goes to graduate school. He decided not to come over, and he told me later that it was because I had been drinking and he didn't want anything to happen because I had expressed a few days before that I don't want to be someone who just messes around with someone else.
We were both texting a lot, and things seemed to be fine, but I think I scared him away by being too forward. One night, I called him and asked him what his intentions were with me, and he said he isn't interested in dating anyone right now but that he could see us going in that direction down the road because we are already very comfortable with each other. He just wants to focus on work for now. I was ok with that, but I did tell him that it seemed like he was leading me on, and we decided not to kiss anymore.
I've been really sick lately with some sort of stomach problem. I think it might be an ulcer, and the doctors are still running tests to see, but it has made me lose about 9 lbs over the span of a few weeks (which brings me to a measly 114 lbs). I think that not eating (I don't have an appetite) has made me loopy and emotional, and I explained that to him because I didn't want him to think I was crazy for calling him all upset when we had only been hanging out for about a week. He seemed understanding, but after the phone conversation, everything changed.
The next day, at work, (we work in the same building but on different floors), I went downstairs to ask him for something, and he seemed to be fine with it and was friendly, but not flirty like before. The next time I went down there (a day or two later) to give him something and at first he seemed annoyed, but then he smiled when he realized I had a legitimate reason to come down there. I told a joke and he kind of smiled. We kind of went back and forth like this with him coming up to my room and me going down to his to deliver stuff. It seemed like things were fine. After all, if he wanted to avoid me, he could have just stuck the papers in my mailbox.
I asked him if he would like to come over for a "peace offering" dinner the night after we had the phone conversation about what his intentions were. I felt bad for getting upset on the phone. He asked me what I was going to make, and we both agreed that we don't like fish. I told him I couldn't do it that night, and he said he was busy anyway. He was nice when I saw him alone, but when I was "around" during our lunch break (we are teachers, so we take the kids to the same room), he avoided eye contact and did not approach me.
Later on, I texted him and told him the three days I would be able to cook dinner. He texted back "that's really nice of you to offer." I asked him if he was angry with him, and he asked why I would think that. I told him that his response seemed like a "thanks...but no thanks." He said it wasn't meant to be that way and that I was overreacting. He told me that I seemed busy and that he was too and that he would take me up on it next week.
So I stopped texting for a few days, then I texted him a lighthearted inside joke that we have. He texted back to tell me that he "knew I was just trying to get attention/make a joke but that it comes off as rude." I was a little confused because it was the same joke he had made earlier. He told me that he wants me to know that he considers me only as a friend right now and that he doesn't want a girlfriend, but maybe later down the road. I told him that I understand that and that I am totally find with it. Then, he told me that it seems to him like I want something more. I apologized for being clingy and explained that I'm just going through a rough patch with my physical issues right now. He told me "slack has already been cut" and that he still feels uncomfortable. He told me not to cling to him with my issues because he's just a friend.
I told him that he shouldn't tell me things like "I feel like I had an intimate moment with someone special" and then act like I am a freak for responding to that. I told him that if he ever decided to get to know me for real, he will see that I am fun, sweet, hardworking, and sincere, even as a friend (he had told me that I was most of those things a few days later). If he doesn't want to get to know me, then I guess he'll never know, and it won't effect him.
I asked if we could still be friends, and he said yes, but nothing more. He promised not to tell anyone that we messed around, especially since we both work together.
Ok..I know I shouldn't have said what I said next, but I was feeling really, really badly. I told him I felt so so sick, like someone punched me in the stomach and like my body weight a million lbs (I had hardly eaten anything in two days, and I felt like I could barely find the energy to move). He didn't respond.
I waited until the next day to ask him if he was still coming to dinner this week. I didn't want to be too forward again, but I felt like since it was at MY place, the ball was in my court. I told him it would be no drama, just fun, and to let me know either way because I was going to the grocery store later. He never responded.
What has made this even more difficult is that our mutual friends are acting weird around me. I'm worried he told them I'm freaky or obsessive or something. They knew that I liked him, and I told them we had kissed, but I didn't tell them we had done anything else. I wanted to get out yesterday and go tailgating with some of the others from work, but my friend told me that guy was there, so maybe it wouldn't be best. It seems like his other friend, who was so eager to hang out with me a few weeks ago, hardly wants to talk to me anymore.
The reason that I care so much is that I do not have a lot of friends. I moved to this city by myself about a year ago, and it's taking me so long to settle in. I work full-time and go to graduate school, and I find myself having little time to get out. I made a promise to myself that I would make a true effort to be more social this semester because I have been depressed for the past 6th months, and I think social interaction would be a positive thing for me. I don't have a lot of support from my parents. I have never had a close relationship with my dad, and I feel like my mom resents me for moving here. She has asked me to move back to her state. I am only about 3.5 hours away, and she has only come to see me once. When I go to visit her, she treats me differently than she did before, and it truly makes me think that she resents me.
I've also been through a breakup recently...I know, I know, I shouldn't have been trying to date the new guy, but I wasn't even looking for someone- it just happened.
I just feel so lost right now. I thought I had wanted to go abroad and teach, but now I'm not so sure because I can't seem to make it in another state on my own, much less another country. I am the kind of girl who is used to having it together. I am 23, and I'm in a career job, supporting myself, and going through a very demanding graduate program. I have a 4.0 GPA, I've presented at conferences, and I am all-around a hard worker! I've been told that I'm beautiful, funny, and sweet, and that I can get along with anyone. So why don't I have any friends?
I have no self-confidence, and I feel like I repel people. I struggle to find hobbies or activities that are appropriate for my age. I like learning foreign languages and watching documentaries. I guess I am kind of a nerd, but people don't usually see that at first because I am a skinny blondie with big blue eyes. They often assume I'm an idiot, to be honest.
I don't know what to do, and I am so distracted by this situation. I really liked this guy, and I feel like I completely ruined everything by being needy and weird. I just want him to like me...even as only a friend! I feel guilty for making him upset with me, and I don't want to lose mutual friends. I want to hang out with people I work with because there are a lot of other young adults there as well, but I think this situation might have ruined it for me.
I would really appreciate any words of wisdom or advice as to what to do next. I am in such a low place right now, and I don't know what to do.
I made a big mistake a few weeks ago. I went out with some friends, and there was drinking and flirting. I was going to go back home afterward, but the guy I had been flirting with pulled me into his apartment. He promised me that he wouldn't do anything, but we got to kissing and ended up messing around (this was my decision, too- he did not force anything on me). We had a really good time and got to talking.
The next time I was him was about 5 days later. I went over to his apartment, and we kissed and talked. Nothing too crazy. I really began to like him.
The day after that, he texted me to see what I was up to, and I told him I was drinking a little and cleaning the apartment. I did not mean to make myself look vulnerable or anything like that, but I think I did. I think I'm just trying to look like I'm someone who can have fun because I a am a hard worker who has a full time job and goes to graduate school. He decided not to come over, and he told me later that it was because I had been drinking and he didn't want anything to happen because I had expressed a few days before that I don't want to be someone who just messes around with someone else.
We were both texting a lot, and things seemed to be fine, but I think I scared him away by being too forward. One night, I called him and asked him what his intentions were with me, and he said he isn't interested in dating anyone right now but that he could see us going in that direction down the road because we are already very comfortable with each other. He just wants to focus on work for now. I was ok with that, but I did tell him that it seemed like he was leading me on, and we decided not to kiss anymore.
I've been really sick lately with some sort of stomach problem. I think it might be an ulcer, and the doctors are still running tests to see, but it has made me lose about 9 lbs over the span of a few weeks (which brings me to a measly 114 lbs). I think that not eating (I don't have an appetite) has made me loopy and emotional, and I explained that to him because I didn't want him to think I was crazy for calling him all upset when we had only been hanging out for about a week. He seemed understanding, but after the phone conversation, everything changed.
The next day, at work, (we work in the same building but on different floors), I went downstairs to ask him for something, and he seemed to be fine with it and was friendly, but not flirty like before. The next time I went down there (a day or two later) to give him something and at first he seemed annoyed, but then he smiled when he realized I had a legitimate reason to come down there. I told a joke and he kind of smiled. We kind of went back and forth like this with him coming up to my room and me going down to his to deliver stuff. It seemed like things were fine. After all, if he wanted to avoid me, he could have just stuck the papers in my mailbox.
I asked him if he would like to come over for a "peace offering" dinner the night after we had the phone conversation about what his intentions were. I felt bad for getting upset on the phone. He asked me what I was going to make, and we both agreed that we don't like fish. I told him I couldn't do it that night, and he said he was busy anyway. He was nice when I saw him alone, but when I was "around" during our lunch break (we are teachers, so we take the kids to the same room), he avoided eye contact and did not approach me.
Later on, I texted him and told him the three days I would be able to cook dinner. He texted back "that's really nice of you to offer." I asked him if he was angry with him, and he asked why I would think that. I told him that his response seemed like a "thanks...but no thanks." He said it wasn't meant to be that way and that I was overreacting. He told me that I seemed busy and that he was too and that he would take me up on it next week.
So I stopped texting for a few days, then I texted him a lighthearted inside joke that we have. He texted back to tell me that he "knew I was just trying to get attention/make a joke but that it comes off as rude." I was a little confused because it was the same joke he had made earlier. He told me that he wants me to know that he considers me only as a friend right now and that he doesn't want a girlfriend, but maybe later down the road. I told him that I understand that and that I am totally find with it. Then, he told me that it seems to him like I want something more. I apologized for being clingy and explained that I'm just going through a rough patch with my physical issues right now. He told me "slack has already been cut" and that he still feels uncomfortable. He told me not to cling to him with my issues because he's just a friend.
I told him that he shouldn't tell me things like "I feel like I had an intimate moment with someone special" and then act like I am a freak for responding to that. I told him that if he ever decided to get to know me for real, he will see that I am fun, sweet, hardworking, and sincere, even as a friend (he had told me that I was most of those things a few days later). If he doesn't want to get to know me, then I guess he'll never know, and it won't effect him.
I asked if we could still be friends, and he said yes, but nothing more. He promised not to tell anyone that we messed around, especially since we both work together.
Ok..I know I shouldn't have said what I said next, but I was feeling really, really badly. I told him I felt so so sick, like someone punched me in the stomach and like my body weight a million lbs (I had hardly eaten anything in two days, and I felt like I could barely find the energy to move). He didn't respond.
I waited until the next day to ask him if he was still coming to dinner this week. I didn't want to be too forward again, but I felt like since it was at MY place, the ball was in my court. I told him it would be no drama, just fun, and to let me know either way because I was going to the grocery store later. He never responded.
What has made this even more difficult is that our mutual friends are acting weird around me. I'm worried he told them I'm freaky or obsessive or something. They knew that I liked him, and I told them we had kissed, but I didn't tell them we had done anything else. I wanted to get out yesterday and go tailgating with some of the others from work, but my friend told me that guy was there, so maybe it wouldn't be best. It seems like his other friend, who was so eager to hang out with me a few weeks ago, hardly wants to talk to me anymore.
The reason that I care so much is that I do not have a lot of friends. I moved to this city by myself about a year ago, and it's taking me so long to settle in. I work full-time and go to graduate school, and I find myself having little time to get out. I made a promise to myself that I would make a true effort to be more social this semester because I have been depressed for the past 6th months, and I think social interaction would be a positive thing for me. I don't have a lot of support from my parents. I have never had a close relationship with my dad, and I feel like my mom resents me for moving here. She has asked me to move back to her state. I am only about 3.5 hours away, and she has only come to see me once. When I go to visit her, she treats me differently than she did before, and it truly makes me think that she resents me.
I've also been through a breakup recently...I know, I know, I shouldn't have been trying to date the new guy, but I wasn't even looking for someone- it just happened.
I just feel so lost right now. I thought I had wanted to go abroad and teach, but now I'm not so sure because I can't seem to make it in another state on my own, much less another country. I am the kind of girl who is used to having it together. I am 23, and I'm in a career job, supporting myself, and going through a very demanding graduate program. I have a 4.0 GPA, I've presented at conferences, and I am all-around a hard worker! I've been told that I'm beautiful, funny, and sweet, and that I can get along with anyone. So why don't I have any friends?
I have no self-confidence, and I feel like I repel people. I struggle to find hobbies or activities that are appropriate for my age. I like learning foreign languages and watching documentaries. I guess I am kind of a nerd, but people don't usually see that at first because I am a skinny blondie with big blue eyes. They often assume I'm an idiot, to be honest.
I don't know what to do, and I am so distracted by this situation. I really liked this guy, and I feel like I completely ruined everything by being needy and weird. I just want him to like me...even as only a friend! I feel guilty for making him upset with me, and I don't want to lose mutual friends. I want to hang out with people I work with because there are a lot of other young adults there as well, but I think this situation might have ruined it for me.
I would really appreciate any words of wisdom or advice as to what to do next. I am in such a low place right now, and I don't know what to do.
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