[Ashlee T.]

This is an update to a recent post: https://www.womens-health.com/boards...-have-him.html

After I vented on here and resolved myself to the situation with my "friend", I began to move on. Move on in the sense of, not feeling so hurt by it, not checking my phone 500 times a day to see if he had text. Then, of course, he popped up again. Acted like nothing had happened. The texting went on for a few days, I took it lightly, not letting myself take it to "heart". Then one Friday night I saw him out...he started giving me a lot of attention. When I left that night he followed my to my car and asked me if we could hang out the next day, go out to eat, etc. I nonchalantly said "cool". He called me that night to make sure I got home safe.

The next day, I heard nothing from him. I text him that afternoon and asked if he still wanted to hang out. I got no response. I didn't hear from him again. That was a few weeks ago. What a jerk, right? It's one thing to be a jerk to someone you date briefly, but it's another to do that to someone you've known for yours, have mutual friends with, etc. So I'm FB friends with his mom and the singer in his band, and noticed a pic the singer posted of a show they did this past weekend. I click on the album just to check them out, I always loved listening to them play... and there it was. There were two pics in the album of my "friend" and his ex girlfriend. It was like a dagger. I instantly sent him a text and said "why couldn't you be man enough to just tell the truth? Thank you for being a total and complete D!" (except I spelled it out. haha). Of course, I didn't expect a response, and didn't get one. I ended up talking to his mom about it later that day and she said they weren't back together, just "friends". I thought "yeah...I know what that means, from experience." I told her he lost a good friend over lying and acting like a jerk.

I deleted his number from my phone. I mean, really...who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Someone who blatantly ignores your texts and makes you feel a fool? Someone who dispenses you like a piece of trash when they get a new whim? We had talked from the beginning that if either of us grew interested in someone else we'd just be honest about it. All he had to do was be honest. I wasn't in love with him, it wouldn't have broken my heart.... what broke my heart was him treating me like a piece of trash. Last night I prayed for healing...because betrayal has ALWAYS been the hardest thing for me to get over. It eats at my soul. It's not because I "want" the person...it's because that person made a fool of me...betrayed me...treated me mean. I don't always do the right thing...I make mistakes...but I cannot imagine ever being mean spirited. His mother said "I hope that he will at least apologize and that you can forgive him. I didn't raise him to be that way". First of all...he won't apologize. Secondly, even if he did... I am very forgiving when it comes to making mistakes... but not so much when it comes to someone just flat out being mean to me. This person has been mean to me...mean is the only word for it.

I'm truly amazed at what I continue to learn in my life. My instincts (and ladies...your instincts are JUST as strong if you listen to them.) are impeccable. Though I've grown weary...truly weary...of the WRONG men in my life I am still hopeful that somewhere out there, someday there will be THAT man, who ignites my heart and soul and would rather walk through fire than to hurt me. He's out there. Somewhere. I just hope he finds me...cause I"m too busy to look for him. haha.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Lols

You should write a book BD That was an interesting read with spirit and spunk.

Men have two heads, the problem is, he was thinking with the wrong one, that night and probably hit the other one, accidently the next morning

Sorry guys, just kidding.

[Ashlee T.]

Men have two heads, the problem is, he was thinking with the wrong one, that night and probably hit the other one, accidentally the next morning

True. But why? There's so much more to me than just being a female with a vag. He and I always had a good time together, even just as friends, watching TV, listening to music, eating out, being silly. That's the betrayal portion of it in my mind...the hardest part to get past. Treat me like a friend for that many years...then suddenly, treat me like a disposable piece of trash that he'd soon not wipe his feet upon. He knows how close I am with his mom...I'm friends with his brother and his brother's girlfriend. He knows I'm going to be around. I'll never understand why he felt the need to be so cruel. Oh well...... what goes around comes around, eventually.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When we cross the line, over to the "animal kingdom', the whole situation of "friends" change for ever.

Maybe he wanted to "hang out" as a friend, but just as your reaction to seeing his ex with him in a photo, he thought twice, as now, the "friend zone" is too hard to regain.

One thing about you BD.

You are assertive
You are the epitome of the word soul
You have class
You are dang good looking
You are smart

I could go on but you know

The point being, that sort of a challenge is very difficult for a man, it's easier to just challenge the sexual side of you, the rest of you, is not what they are used to as it's unique to have those qualities, qualities that men fear ....

In their eyes, you are too good for them, too smart, too beautiful - it's like a "stay away from this woman" ...

It's when they realise that because of all of that, you are open, and easy to talk to, easy to love, get to know then someone will enter .

In the meantime, the younger, or the "Friends" are never going to do, as they are not in that league.

[Ashlee T.]

The point being, that sort of a challenge is very difficult for a man, it's easier to just challenge the sexual side of you, the rest of you, is not what they are used to as it's unique to have those qualities, qualities that men fear ....

In their eyes, you are too good for them, too smart, too beautiful - it's like a "stay away from this woman" ...

And that's what I'm tired of. Those men. In this case...had he not been a friend, I would've expected this behavior from him. After all...he lives the life of a teenager the majority of the time. The friend thing is what has thrown me for a loop and caused me to feel so betrayed. Stewpid boys.

Tired of those. Tired of em. I'm not ready to get married and start having babies. But I'm ready to find some good, intense, exciting, loyal love. Darn these men who set me back!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

After all...he lives the life of a teenager the majority of the time.

Erherm..

See? And, you want a real man? Ya got to date older men babe

[Ashlee T.]

Hmmm touche. The guy who I am pretty sure roofied me was in his 40's. That count?

[Euphoric]

BD,

The ex-friend, I assume from your post, has no idea what he has lost. Of course, isn't that typical? It seems that a lot of people never realize what they had until it's gone. Although your 'friend's' actions have hurt you, he is the one who has lost!!

As far as dating older men - the guy from the bar wasn't a man, he was a monster.

Don't ever lose your spunk and sense of humor Love it. I'm looking forward to the day we hear you singing praises of your Mr. Wonder!

[Harmony]

Him genuflecting towards you in the car that night was likely him just appeasing his own guilt and while attempting to repair (on a superficial level) the damage he caused your friendship. Worse still he was probably hoping for sex. I'd say the best thing to do is cut all ties with this band guy, any interaction seems to be doing more harm than good, with him not ready to have a mature and platonic friendship, do yourself a favor and leave him behind.

Betrayal hurts, but we can only implement so many protective measures against it or else they'll shield us from more good than harm. As people we are fallible; many people are mean spirited, selfish and even downright cruel and unkind.

Like you I've done many unwise things but am able take pride in the fact that my acts of idiocy have never been mean spirited or malicious. This is good. After the school report CW just wrote you I'm confident you'll meet someone soon, just hold tight and don't let this man's actions negatively affect the way you treat the next guy (I'm sure you wont, just thought I'd say it anyway). A good sign of a gentlemen is someone who has just as much interest in you as he does in having sex and who is prepared to wait a good month at least to have sex with you (basically respects you and will wait until YOU are ready). You probably know all of this I just thought it would be worth reiterating since the make him wait" strategy makes for a good filtering process and helps weed out the slime balls and may be of benefit to some of the younger readers.

'Mr. Right' is out there and does exist, and when you do find him (or he finds you, or you find each other, depends how you look at it) this band guy will pale into insignificance whilst the two of you ride off into the sunset...

[Ashlee T.]

The ex-friend, I assume from your post, has no idea what he has lost. Of course, isn't that typical? It seems that a lot of people never realize what they had until it's gone. Although your 'friend's' actions have hurt you, he is the one who has lost!!

I'm quite sure he doesn't realize it. Thank you...I agree that in this instance, he has most definitely lost. I don't think you can ever truly win when you mistreat someone.

A good sign of a gentlemen is someone who has just as much interest in you as he does in having sex and who is prepared to wait a good month at least to have sex with you (basically respects you and will wait until YOU are ready). You probably know all of this I just thought it would be worth reiterating since the make him wait" strategy makes for a good filtering process and helps weed out the slime balls and may be of benefit to some of the younger readers.

'Mr. Right' is out the

Definitely. I take responsibility for the sex part. I had been single for about 6 months at the time, I didn't really want a relationship (school, work, BUSY!), and suddenly found myself sexually attracted to him. I was comfortable with a sexual relationship between two adults who respected each other. It's the first time in my life I've been willing to do that. Most likely, his friendship with me over the years was driven by his attraction for me, his desire to sleep with me, not driven by any type of true friendship or caring for me as a person. I've come to realize that since his mistreatment. His ex is a wallflower type....a total introvert.... hides in the corner reading or writing when they are out in a social setting. She's cute and smiles a lot but isn't very friendly. She goes overboard at trying to be "weird". Perhaps he feels unchallenged by her. I dunno... but what I do know is that he could've continued to have my friendship even if he had wanted to get back with her. He just wasn't mature enough to be honest, to talk to me as an adult....and most importantly, he didn't care enough about me or respect me enough to.

I'm feeling better about it all. Thanks to time..and great friends like you all. I've been deeply hurt before...and at some an point in time I always look back and laugh on it. You're right, someone special is out there that will make him look like chopped liver. His treatment of me has already started the "chopped liver" process. haha.