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should i rape him or.....

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  • should i rape him or.....

    hi all. please i need some advice on this: i have been going out with my fiance for almost three years now.when we first started, he was very particular about sex which after some resistance, i gave in to him.after some months, i started threatening to leave him,and he was always begging me not to leave. he loves me like crazy and i know that too. i kept on threatening him though i was enjoying the sex stuff but i was scared of having a baby now. the problem is, anytime i go to his house, he tries not to have sex with me, and anytime i try to make him do it, he refuses and tells me that he is scared of losing me. i am now used to doing it with him, but i dont want to force him and i cant rape him...lol. i know he is trying to control himself and i tried doing that too but it is not easy....i feel kinda of cheap and dirty when he refuses my advances....what do i do?

  • Do you use any birth control besides abstainence?

    Comment


    • Pulling out SORT OF works. But it's terribly, terribly risky.
      Use condoms, use condoms, use condoms. They're so easy to use and they don't mess up your body like birth control pills can.
      Condoms are more than 98% effective.
      Let him know that he isn't going to lose you because of sex ... but only if he isn't! It seems to me that the problem is with both of you and your communication. Communicate. Talk it out. Let him know what you feel.
      And listen to how he feels. I think he respects you a great deal; no man is going to abstain from sex with his willing fiancée unless he feels that somewhere underneath she isn't so willing.
      Good luck.
      <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

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      • one small point

        the pulling out method is more than just risky it just dosent work due to the fact the pre ejaculate fluid contains sperm, though in significantly lower concentrations than semen still suficent to cause pregnancy.

        as stated above condoms are one of the safest forms of contraception, if you are still worried or are adverse to useing condoms try using a combination of methods as the effects multiply together (eg methods one on its own has a 5% failure rate method 2 has a 3% failure rate the overall effectiveness of using both simultaneously would be 0.05 x 0.03 = 0.0015 or 0.15%)

        have you tried talking to him about it? you need to really reassure him that you are going to stay with him so he is 100% positive in his mind that it wont have any negative effect

        //thomas

        Comment


        • we use condoms once in a while but i never really liked it.
          we've tried the pulling out method too, but i got pregnant once and had to remove it.
          i have always been scared of pills cos of its side effects
          am a christian and i get guilty sort of when we have sex...we did something silly some months ago, i think it is silly though he thinks it is not

          Comment


          • If it makes you guilty, don't do it. Just wait. How far away is your marriage? He seems just fine with not having sex as long as you are feeling guilty, and you should be too.
            If you don't mind, what "silly" thing did you do?
            <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

            Comment


            • tanx a lot for taking time out to reply.
              we still have about five years cos of schooling.
              the silly thing we did was we sort of got married in our own way...dont laugh out loud, pls.
              we said our vows between ourselves though we still plan to do it in a big way and to involve our parents. but sometimes it seems so unreal cos we are not living together but he is really taking it serious and i dont mind too. but it has always been between us that we are married...dont u think it is silly?

              Comment


              • No, I don't think that's silly at all. I think it's a beautiful thing that you did, and to you you're really married.
                It seems to me that you're really young ... I'm not saying that insulting; I'm only 19. But since you have five years of school left (and school years are "growing" years to me,) you should cool it down.
                I definitely am not saying that you should see other people, or that you should take a break, but just enjoy each others' company without being so serious ... take a break from sex, say for 6 months, and then when the 6 months are over, see how you feel about it and whether you want to have it again before you have your legal or religious wedding.
                That will save your relationship a lot of strain for now; take away the thinking about sex in some aspect, take away fearing pregnancy, and take away his fear of losing you.
                Because if you love one another, you won't want to have that kind of strain in your relationship, so put it off.
                Good luck!
                <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

                Comment


                • tanx a lot for ur advice. am actually 21. it is not going to be easy staying away cos i love holding touching cuddling him. i love him so so much...hmm...i will try and stay away for 6 months like u said....tanx a lot.

                  Comment


                  • Take the original post and title, swap the "he" and "she", see how it reads.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
                      Take the original post and title, swap the "he" and "she", see how it reads.
                      Oh my goodness! That is a good point, even if the title was only meant in jest.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
                        Take the original post and title, swap the "he" and "she", see how it reads.
                        ...That was really scary. No more suggestions like that.

                        Comment


                        • silly?

                          i honestly cant see why anyone would think it silly, i think it sounds very sweet

                          Comment


                          • cuddling is nice

                            Originally posted by ordun'girl View Post
                            tanx a lot for ur advice. am actually 21. it is not going to be easy staying away cos i love holding touching cuddling him. i love him so so much...hmm...i will try and stay away for 6 months like u said....tanx a lot.
                            touching and cuddling arent bad as long as you dont let those things lead up to sex (if youre still planning on no sex for 6 mos) physical contact is a great way of showing affection even the little things like holding hands ^_^ so what im trying to say is you dont have to give those things up with the sex if you dont want to.

                            Comment


                            • hey girl, im no "sexpert" lol. but i did have a similar situation myself. but it was the opposite...i was the agressor. anyhow,...i think a great way to get your man to loosen up and enjoy sex without the fear of losing you,,,is to do something sexy,,,different and spontaneous. do not even give him the chance to shoot down your advances. there's lots of ways to do it. first of all make sure you try when you are very relaxed and comfortable and do not talk about sex or lack of it or watever. next time you go to his house...bring a dvd with you "porn" obviously,,,,put the movie on....and make sure to wear something super sexy. and dont talk,,,not much anyhow. just seduce him a little. im sure he will be tooo distracted and too excited to even think about anything else. and he should feel much more at ease with your forwardness.
                              i really hope i was able to help you because you seem fond of him from what i read,,,,and you dont need your sex life affecting your entire life.
                              good luck

                              Comment

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