[Loki123]

I have been dating this guy for close to 9 months now and I have a feeling something is going on but I am unsure. He has a FB account and will not allow me to be accepted as a friend. He has his FB open sometimes and I noticed there were no pictures of me on there, even when the pictures he posts are of nights we were together like New Years Eve. When I ask why that is, he says it is because he does not want his dating life to interfere with his family and school friend relationships. He had a bad experience where an old girlfriend bashed him on FB and doesn't want that to happen again.

He recently started looking for a home in the town his mother lives in and I am helping him professionally with part of the process. He told me to keep our relationship status out of the discussions with the other professionals because one of them is a long time family friend who knows his ex girlfriend. He did not want the drama stirred up again. When I asked why he cared since he had been broken up for close to two years now, his reply was he didn't want to rub salt in his ex girlfriend's old wounds.

This all sounds cut and dry, he either is still seeing his ex girlfriend or has hopes to rekindle the relationship but here is the confusing part. I have met some of his family and even consider them friends. Although I have never spoken to them without him being there, I do not think they would purposely keep information from me that would hurt me in anyway. I have even met his mom and son. He has also met my children and is even taking a vacation with us (my kids and I).

I am not sure how to proceed or even how to express my concerns to him without him coming back and saying what he has already told me, he doesn't see the need to hurt her. Thoughts?

[Azizeh]

To me it sounds like hes trying a little too hard to keep certain information from reaching certain people, but I could be wrong. If he is really content with the relationship you two have then he would understand that he is dating you, not is ex. Its a different relationship now, the fact that he said "he does not want to happen again" is strange. Is he expecting you to do the same thing his ex did? if your relationship goes south? That is not very positive thinking and that hes hiding your status from this long-time friend that knows his ex? Sounds like he's worried that the information is going to get to her through this friend.

He seems to be creating a whole bunch of excuses to me, but again, this is my interpretation of the information you posted. I don't know your whole back story, but if you are close to his family members as you say I would maybe express your concern. Not make accusations because maybe no one knows what his motives are except him.

As far as speaking directly to him I would sit him down and explain how its concerning you that he's relating past experiences to this new relationship you two have together. While I understand people get hurt from past experiences he needs to trust you and be open with you if he want the relationship to go anywhere. He also needs to mindful of your feelings as well and you feel like hes covering up what you two have. I would hope that he would understand considering all points typed up there. If not there is something weird going on, he could be trying to get back with his ex and that is why he is making up these ridiculous excuses.

[BabyGirl]

This is not a Boyfriend / Girlfriend relationship. You are no different than a Mistress, a piece on the side, when convenient for him.

he says it is because he does not want his dating life to interfere with his family and school friend relationships.

When you love someone you want your friends and family to know that you have found someone.You are proud to show them off, to show how happy you are.

He is having his cake and eating it too. 9 months is long enough for him to decide if you are the woman for him or not. Don't you deserve to be treated as his Girlfriend, especially around his Family and your Co Workers ?

How does it honestly make you feel, to be kept from all of them, like some dirty little Secret ? His Ex is his Ex for a reason, whether his or her decision to break up.
He doesn't want to Rub salt in her wounds after 2 years of separation, this sound very fishy, especially when you mention you are trying to help him find a home in his Mothers town. Is this where his Ex lives too ?

he doesn't see the need to hurt her.

There is no need or way that he can hurt her, if there are no feelings between them now . But he evidently has no compulsion to not hurt you..

I'd put my foot down, I'd have him Decide whether you are a Couple in the Real World or not. Not just your Secret World. If he says No, then you are best learning it now, before you invest any more time in this One Sided Relationship.

I have met some of his family and even consider them friends. Although I have never spoken to them without him being there, I do not think they would purposely keep information from me that would hurt me in anyway. I have even met his mom and son.

I doubt that they would " Purposely keep information from you or hurt you . Because they Do NOT Know you are together as a Couple. It's time to have him Decide, tell him you are done playing games and acting like only a " Casual " Friend around his Family . He either cares for/ Loves you or Not.

It's time he acts like a Man that has a Girlfriend, not a Man that has a Mistress hidden on the side. I'm betting that he will end this relationship when you push him to make a Decision. But Push , I would, that way you will know where you stand. And find someone who is Proud to have you in their Life and By His Side, for all to see .

Time to stop being a " Dirty Little Secret "

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Cut and Dry I think you are correct and you know the answer but just wants some validation.

He is still in love with his ex.

Don't be a door mat. By walking, he may very well realise what he is missing in you, but you being non-existant to his world is not as BG stated, a relationship at all...

Don't do it.

Walk .