[lovexlaugh]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, he was very much a rebound from an abusive relationship. At the time, I loved feeling safe and protected, he is the sweetest, kindest, most caring man I've ever met. We told each other "I love you" within a few weeks, and had sex very early, as I felt pressured that he would break up with me if I didn't (I was VERY insecure at that point).
From the very beginning of the relationship, he hasn't made a secret his intention to marry me and be with me forever. He says he would die for me, he loves me more than anything else in this world. The sad thing is, he truly means it, I can tell. At first I was saying the same things, but now I'm finding it so hard to stay with him. I find him boring, he can't satisfy me AT ALL, kissing and sex etc feels wrong, and I am constantly trying to keep my face away from his so he doesn't try to kiss me (it causes fights when I pull away). Typing all this, it feels like I'm an idiot, and I should just break up with him, but I just cant bring myself to. I feel like I love him, but for the wrong reasons. Not because he makes me feel good, but because he's got a great job, he's a genuinely kind person and he is just so smart, I love bragging about him (these are all the things my ex was NOT - hence why I was so eager in the beginning of the relationhip).
My biggest issue - even if I was to break up with him, there would be complications. We are taking a trip overseas for my birthday in January, and he's put over $7000 towards it, non refundable. I am caught in such a terrible place. He always hints that he will propose to me when we're overseas, and I know I couldn't say yes. I feel that I'm leading him on, but I don't want to break up with him, mostly due to the trip... Anyway, I'd love to hear some of your ideas, its just really helpful to write it all out and get it out of my head!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think coming from an abusive relationship and rolling over into another "good" relationship sometimes, people don't really see what it is in front of them, because they never had the chance to actually realise that they did deserve a person like this.

Often we are best to be on our own for sometime to come to that conclusion.

I think because you went into this relationship for the wrong reasons, it feels wrong.

Do you actually realise your own self worth now? Has this person taught you that you can be loved for you? That you are a good person, attractive, loved and can be loved for you?

Sometimes people come into our life for a reason... To learn something. It's not always "for ever" .

I wonder if you were to just be honest in as much as where your head is at, at present that you are not ready for a committment of marriage and that is the reason why you are pulling away. You haven't really found yourself totally yet to see ahead of time it has nothing to do with him. That, perhaps, by taking this burdon off of you, you may go back to enjoying the relationship and have a great time next year and see him for who he is.

My suggestion would be to (if not already) find some passions in life that YOU love as a me time, just you and start doing them.

Half of the reason why someone is boring, is because there is no communication of what each other likes, you may find he loves you but that you are boring in bed yourself, though because of the previous relationship he just accepts it.

To find a man that can bring out "it's ok" and each learn each others body and love to be intimate is not easy, but to work together towards something that equally is beautiful is something achievable.

In other words, I guess I am saying you possibly have and do also hold back and so, boring, becomes non intimate, non intimate becomes nil bonding and nil bonding becomes, no love.

Have a deep think....

[BabyGirl]

As Usual, there's not much I would add to CW's advise

However Look real deep into this..

My biggest issue - even if I was to break up with him, there would be complications. We are taking a trip overseas for my birthday in January, and he's put over $7000 towards it, non refundable. I am caught in such a terrible place. He always hints that he will propose to me when we're overseas, and I know I couldn't say yes. I feel that I'm leading him on, but I don't want to break up with him, mostly due to the trip...

The Non Refundable part is partially True. It's Non Refundable for Both of you, not to the person who is paying. Tickets can be sold, Transferred and so can Hotels and such. As long as the " Booking " and Contract is kept through the Company that it's through .
Sure he may lose abit of his investment in the trip if you don't go. But then again, he may meet or decide to take someone else, or even give as a Gift to Parents or Family.

Are you willing to be in this " Limbo " of Not Happy , until January of next year ?

I find him boring, he can't satisfy me AT ALL, kissing and sex etc feels wrong, and I am constantly trying to keep my face away from his so he doesn't try to kiss me (it causes fights when I pull away).

You are making a Very FIRM Statement here.. Imagine 20 more years of this feeling. Imagine Children with him ? Can you do it ?

Typing all this, it feels like I'm an idiot, and I should just break up with him, but I just cant bring myself to. I feel like I love him, but for the wrong reasons. Not because he makes me feel good, but because he's got a great job, he's a genuinely kind person and he is just so smart, I love bragging about him (these are all the things my ex was NOT - hence why I was so eager in the beginning of the relationhip).

You feel like you love him .. Because he has a Great Job and he's Smart.. Again , is this Enough ?
Do as CW said, think very hard about Your Future.

If you find you cannot see yourself In Love with him, Happy with Kids and Home and Family. It would be so much Fairer to him and yourself.. Not to use him for his Love for You,but to let him hurt and find someone who feels for him as he does you. And for you to find someone who you can see a life with that is not Boring and you feel you have to turn your face away from, rather than one you want to turn your face towards, every time you can .

[Pollon]

It sounds to me like you are a magnet for "needy" men. While the abusive boyfriend may not have projected "neediness," abuse often manifests in insecure men who cannot tolerate being alone. Therefore, they use power to keep their woman close.

Your current boyfriend is also very insecure but instead showers you with "love" to keep you close.

If I'm right, you find him boring because he "is" boring. He has no genuine desires or core convictions of his own. He always seems to be molding himself to your desires. He doesn't say, "I really want to do this and I want you to come. Will you join me?" Rather he says, "What do you want to do?" or "What do you think I should do?" He always seems to be trying to figure out what it is that you want rather than take some leadership.

If that is the case but you still care for him and see some potential future, consider doing some couples counseling before you break up and/or cancel the trip.

You can say, "Honey, we've been dating for two years and I want us to have a great future, but I've been having some doubts for the past few months. I'm sure you've noticed that I've been pulling away. I would like us to get some help and try to figure out what is going on."

Good luck

[azalea]

So when he has mentioned his intention to marry you in the past, did you respond? It's okay to tell him that you're not ready for that. It's a talk I've had with my boyfriend and we've come to an agreement that we'll discuss marriage at a later time when we have more financial security, a house, etc. Don't feel like you're doing a bad thing by bringing up the topic of marriage with him and making sure you're on the same page. You can still be in and enjoy a relationship even without an immediate promise of marriage, but if he's not comfortable with that, then he needs to be able to come to an agreement with you. If not, you will need to consider moving on. I think you need to bring this up with him before he does something like go out and buy an expensive ring.

I know how hard it is to move on from someone who hasn't really done anything wrong. I still feel sad about leaving my last boyfriend, a wonderful and loving guy who I adored, who just wasn't going anywhere and wouldn't have worked as a long term commitment. But you know he's not the love of your life, and I think soon you will need to find the words to tell him that you may need to move on.

[vinnyt]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, he was very much a rebound from an abusive relationship. At the time, I loved feeling safe and protected, he is the sweetest, kindest, most caring man I've ever met. We told each other "I love you" within a few weeks, and had sex very early, as I felt pressured that he would break up with me if I didn't (I was VERY insecure at that point).
From the very beginning of the relationship, he hasn't made a secret his intention to marry me and be with me forever. He says he would die for me, he loves me more than anything else in this world. The sad thing is, he truly means it, I can tell. At first I was saying the same things, but now I'm finding it so hard to stay with him. I find him boring, he can't satisfy me AT ALL, kissing and sex etc feels wrong, and I am constantly trying to keep my face away from his so he doesn't try to kiss me (it causes fights when I pull away). Typing all this, it feels like I'm an idiot, and I should just break up with him, but I just cant bring myself to. I feel like I love him, but for the wrong reasons. Not because he makes me feel good, but because he's got a great job, he's a genuinely kind person and he is just so smart, I love bragging about him (these are all the things my ex was NOT - hence why I was so eager in the beginning of the relationhip).
My biggest issue - even if I was to break up with him, there would be complications. We are taking a trip overseas for my birthday in January, and he's put over $7000 towards it, non refundable. I am caught in such a terrible place. He always hints that he will propose to me when we're overseas, and I know I couldn't say yes. I feel that I'm leading him on, but I don't want to break up with him, mostly due to the trip... Anyway, I'd love to hear some of your ideas, its just really helpful to write it all out and get it out of my head!!

Hi there,
one thing for sure, the rebounds never work. You can do a servery and you will never find a woman who is very happy with a rebound. the guy should know better about that rule. And the signs are there for him to see. Sometimes I wonder how could people be so blind and ignorant to the obvious. You should not feel bad at all. Like you said you got involved with someone who was smart and had a good job, the opposite of what your ex loser was. Just have a talk with him and tell him straight up its not working. Dont feel bad about 7K, dont look at it that way, would 1k make you feel less guilty? After all its just money, if you stay it will only get worse, you will end up "cheating" with someone who really turns you on and it will be downhill form there.