[jenryalee]

I have been dating an incredible man for over two years now. We're planning on moving in together and he already moved in to the new place; I won't be moving in until my lease expires in a month. He's never lived with anyone before, but I have lived with my ex, and that ended horribly.

We're fairly serious; have met each others families, have spoken about our future together, etc. We love each other, and have gone through a lot as a couple and have come out of it together. I know this is a step we have to take if our relationship is ever going to go anywhere.

I'm about to transition into a new career and he just changed jobs a few months back. So we're both better financially/professionally than we were when we first spoke about this, so I'm not particularly worried about finances. What I am worried about is if we'll get tired of each other, how we'll deal with friends being over, or how I'll deal with being alone in the house when he's gone, if he'll still be attracted to me 3 days into finals week for my masters...things like that. Basically any advice on moving in with a significant other for the first time is appreciated!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Nerves

If you two are the right catch for each other you will do this and be happy.

There will be compromises, you need to have your own lives as well as living together, interests and friends and date nights out side of the house.

Don't judge your past relationship on your current and just remember to share, compromise and work together, as friends and lovers.

CW

[Element]

Ok. First things first; lay down rules. Explain to him what you view as respect, where personal lines are for you. For example; when my boyfriend and I were moving in together I told him that I do not care if he has friends over; just let me know before hand, though. That way when I come home there's not some stranger in my living room. His family and friends are welcome in OUR home as long as they are respectful. You are NOT going to like every single person in his life, but as long as they are respectful to you, him, and your home; then they are welcome. One issue that we did meet was his friends just showing up unannounced, uninvited and unscheduled. That did not fly at all. Our home is not a brothel, it's not a bachelor pad; it's A HOME. Call before hand, it's respectful.

Personal lines are things you'll find right off the bat and down the road as well. We all have little quirks about us. I do not like people in the bathroom looking at me while I'm doing my business on the toilet. I view it was "personal time" and want to be left alone. If I'm in the shower, brushing my teeth, grabbing a box of tissues; you're welcome to come in and do your business whatever it may be. I just have that one pet peeve about the restroom.

Since your boyfriend is already moved in I am assuming you two have talked about rooms, beds, dressers, closet space, who's bringing what cutlery, couches, where the TV's are going. Get a lot of bookcases. You won't believe how handy they are.

One thing is that if you have something that is precious to you; a nick-knack, doo-dad, bowl, old tray you got from your Grandma; anything like that; talk to him about it. If there's a certain occasion it's used for; or if he's not suppose to touch it at all whatsoever. Guys don't really know of "fine silverware" and he can't read your mind and know what's a family heirloom or a precious memento to you. So communication is very much needed here.

I do suggest getting some sort of bill sorter, calendar with it all written down, for bills you two will share; rent, cable, electricity, phones if you are sharing a plan. This way you two know when a bill is due. Also sort out how you will pay; if someone needs to transfer money to someone's account so one person can write a check. Or make an account online if a bill can be paid online. You need some sort of way to handle bills every month; especially if you have a hectic month; having this all planned out really helps.

Cleaning can be a bit of a biggy. Communication is mostly needed, if you want to pick a day a week you two will clean you can do that. Or just split chores down the middle. It's going to come down to personalities. My guy isn't really a clean guy. I was raised to clean every week, so I'm use to the routine. He wasn't and the thought doesn't even cross his mind. Even after I clean he admits he can't see much of a difference in our home. But if I ask him to help out then he will with no complaints; he just doesn't think to do it. So you two will find what works for you.

I think the best advise I can give is to remember you have two individuals being put under one roof with high emotions. Love makes you nuts. So take every thing with a big deep breath. He's going to do something to upset you , but he won't have any intentions of hurting you; it's just going to happen. Communicate. Don't fight, bicker, debate, throw things, yell. Talk things through. Explain how you perceive things, what you feel, how you are taking something. Because what's going on in your head may never even cross his mind. And remember you are bound to upset him as well. So think of how you would like him to approach you. You teach people how to treat you. Think of the person, be thoughtful. You don't have to walk on eggshells. He has his habits, you have your habits; you both will be making compromises to appease the other.

[kittehs]

It's all about compromise! When you first move in with someone you'll probably find out they have a few annoying habits that you didn't notice before...things like never changing out the TP roll, leaving dirty dishes all over the place, snoring, etc. Everyone was raised differently and therefore have different ways of doing things. There's bound to be something he does that will annoy the heck out of you but don't make a big deal out of it. There's bound to be things you do that will annoy the heck out of him also
Like Element said, let him know if you have any possessions that you don't want him to touch. You don't want to come home and see him using your favorite bath towels as shop rags...or see him and the dog playing fetch with your state championship softball from high school. Guys seriously do things like this!!
Dividing up the chores will always be a challenge. If you're the one who likes thing clean and he doesn't particularly care, you will more than likely be doing most of the cleaning and you can't feel any resentment over this. If he's a typical guy, he'll want the garage to be his own space, so don't go cleaning and organizing in there unless he wants you to. Everyone needs a bit of their own space, so respect that and he should do the same for you. A big no-no is to snoop through each other's cell phones, computers, etc...there has to be trust in a relationship.
Keep your relationship fresh by still going on date nights! It's easy to fall into a boring routine so remember to spice things up once in awhile. It can be as simple as taking a relaxing bubble bath together at the end of day or surprising him with tickets to go see his favorite band.

[jenryalee]

Thanks so much for all the advice! Yes, we've been slacking on date nights and are trying to get back into the swing of that, and we set up some rules and boundaries, along with being crazy specific about the grocery shopping (what do we split, what isn't meant to be shared, etc). I think we've reached a halfway decent compromise on cleaning, which is when I cook he cleans up, and we have parts of the apartment that one of us will clean over the other. He'll let his bookcase become a dusty germ trap but obsess over his coffee table, so I guess that bookcase is mine lol.