[Calicorado83]

I'm so sick of guys. I honestly feel rightnow that they are heartless. Once they get sex they are achieved. Once sex is gone they could care less. They talk nothing but crap, just flowing from their mouths. You always want to be that one special girl that he cares about, and he plays you as if you are, but once the sex is achieved by him he's onto pursue another 'piece of meat'. Leaving you to feel that you are not as special as you thought. I'm so sick of this game. I'm so angry, so hurt, so sad. I will grieve over losing the friendship of a guy who never cared about anything past what's between my legs and it hurts. It hurts that I cared. It hurts that I am disposable likethis.

[valachi]

Well I'm a guy and I have feelings.

And for me I don't always ask a girl for sex or treat her any different after sex.

In fact I haven't ever forced a girl to have sex or pushed her into it. Usually it's the girl that brings it up in my case.

I spend more time on getting to know her and arranging fun activities to try out for the day.

Don't get me wrong.. sex is important too in terms of the relationship. But it's NOT the only thing that I think is important.

Face it.. you picked the wrong guy. Let me guess you went with the bad boy right? He's not your type, but he made you feel like he was...

it's because you picked the wrong guy, it's not that ALL guys are bad.

Do I sound like a bad guy?

[jns]

SP, you have posted about a fwb relationship and a sugar daddy relationship in the past. Is this about one of those relationships? Or have you moved past those relationships to a steady relationship where there was strong commitment from both sides? If one of your previous relationships upgraded to a true love relationship, at least on your part, it may have not been built on the solidest of foundations. Find someone you can commit to fully and who will commit to you fully.

Not all guys are like the ones you have met in the past. At some point in their lives, some who acted like boys before begin acting like honorable men. Some guys are honorable from the start and some never move past being boys.

[Calicorado83]

The problem is this, I have run intothis with most guys! This is my fwb, and I was not looking for a relationship beyong friends. Now he's acting different and it hurts me because I know he's going to drop me as a friend. And valachi, I've heard these same guys who do this say the same thing as what u just said. They say I have feelings and I'm not like that and its not going to be a hit it and quit it kind of thing. It gets to the point where u think u have found the right guy but he was blowing smoke the whole time.

I felt I was safe with a fwb relationship because if the benefits cease which they have then we can still be friends but I know he's not going to care to be my friend past a work acquaintance.

I like to have sex, but sex must be held off until a relationship is better developed. This is what I think I have to do to find a guy thatvvalues me for me and not for what's between my legs, whether its a friendship or relationship im seeking...the only thing that sucks is I myself enjoy the fun of sex but why must it complicate things.

And also, talking to guys and asking them about it I've gotten this: Ex bf told me that every guy friend I thought I had only was my friend for one reason, they wanted sex. Fwb told me that the only wayhes friends with a girl is if she's unattractive and he doesn't want sex from her. He's also said that guys don't like hanging out with girls as friends, they'd rather hang out with guys.

Honestly I don't want to hear a guy reply to this saying he's not like that, I've heard it soooo many times before that it makes it hard to know what to believe.

I know I've made mistakes and chosen the wrong guys sometimes, but sometimes u really.believe u are making the right decision... Grrrr

[rcoreyus]

The reason FWB doesn't work as well as you might think is not because guys don't have feelings, but because they do. Most men cannot be intimate with a woman without developing feelings for her, and if its a purely FWB situation it becomes frustrating that he can't act on those feelings.

[valachi]

The problem is this, I have run intothis with most guys! This is my fwb, and I was not looking for a relationship beyong friends. Now he's acting different and it hurts me because I know he's going to drop me as a friend. And valachi, I've heard these same guys who do this say the same thing as what u just said. They say I have feelings and I'm not like that and its not going to be a hit it and quit it kind of thing. It gets to the point where u think u have found the right guy but he was blowing smoke the whole time.

I felt I was safe with a fwb relationship because if the benefits cease which they have then we can still be friends but I know he's not going to care to be my friend past a work acquaintance.

I like to have sex, but sex must be held off until a relationship is better developed. This is what I think I have to do to find a guy thatvvalues me for me and not for what's between my legs, whether its a friendship or relationship im seeking...the only thing that sucks is I myself enjoy the fun of sex but why must it complicate things.

And also, talking to guys and asking them about it I've gotten this: Ex bf told me that every guy friend I thought I had only was my friend for one reason, they wanted sex. Fwb told me that the only wayhes friends with a girl is if she's unattractive and he doesn't want sex from her. He's also said that guys don't like hanging out with girls as friends, they'd rather hang out with guys.

Honestly I don't want to hear a guy reply to this saying he's not like that, I've heard it soooo many times before that it makes it hard to know what to believe.

I know I've made mistakes and chosen the wrong guys sometimes, but sometimes u really.believe u are making the right decision... Grrrr

Tell me this.. how can a guy RESPECT you if he sees you don't respect yourself?

If you and I were seeing each other and we had sex or you asked for it really soon. I'd think your not worth it from a "nice guy's" point of view.

The problem is you are not TESTING guys enough. By that I mean you jump into bed WAY to fast.

If you're looking for a LONG TERM relationship, then you need to find guys that don't pressure you into sex. But with that YOU need to not pressure your own self as well!

See for me, I NEVER ask a girl for sex in fact I don't even point or hint at it till the girl does. For me, I want to see OTHER things about the girl too. I mean sex lasts what? if you're lucky 30 mins? What about the rest of the time? That means I care more about the girls personality, because the other majority portion of the time I WANT to and NEED to have fun. That means she needs to have an awesome personality, so we can hang out when ever and have a fun time. That it won't always be about sex, because lets face it majority of the time will ALSO need to be spent outside of sex.

You want the best advice towards finding a guy who will LOVE you for YOU? Stop with the FWB stuff, stop with sex and look at the guy in a different sense.
If the next guy pressures you into sex, cut him off the list and move on.

A guy that likes you will NOT pressure you into sex. He will rather arrange events you two can attend to interact and get to know each other some more. Like a coffee date or some event that allows you two to participate in some form. Get away from the sex and you'll see another side of a relationship that also can be wonderful.

[Little]

I must disagree with the previous poster and urge you to make your desires clear from step one - if you want to have sex now, and feel you're in the right place emotionally for it, say so and go through with it. Anything less is playing games and wasting your own time.

[azalea]

I'm so sick of guys. I honestly feel rightnow that they are heartless. Once they get sex they are achieved. Once sex is gone they could care less. They talk nothing but crap, just flowing from their mouths. You always want to be that one special girl that he cares about, and he plays you as if you are, but once the sex is achieved by him he's onto pursue another 'piece of meat'. Leaving you to feel that you are not as special as you thought. I'm so sick of this game. I'm so angry, so hurt, so sad. I will grieve over losing the friendship of a guy who never cared about anything past what's between my legs and it hurts. It hurts that I cared. It hurts that I am disposable likethis.

Us saying "Men only care about sex" is like men saying "Women only care about money"... we know that both aren't true. I have heard this from many friends, both women and men, except the men say, "Girls are crazy and they suck." My male friends often come to me asking for advice, thinking that I as a female have some wisdom that they don't (there is no magical "universal female connection" though, to their surprise.) What I tell them, harsh as it may be, when they ask why all women are crazy, is, "YOU are the only common denominator in all of your relationships."

Of my friends, the ones who are the most unsuccessful in relationships are the ones that just gravitate towards the same kind of person over and over and over. I have one friend who only goes for girls with supermodel good looks (as a result, often ends up with a shallow and vain girl.) I have one friend who suffers from "white knight" syndrome and is only attracted to men with problems because she wants to "help" them. I have another friend who only wants what he can't have, and always falls for girls who are out of reach. All of these people consistently say "Men/women suck." But the real problem is themselves.

You are most definitely not disposable, or a piece of meat. Never let anybody convince you of that. I'm sad to hear that you've had such a hard time in relationships, but it's not men. There is no common personality trait shared among ALL men, or women for that matter. Even my own boyfriend admits to dating some girls in the past who were crazy and had explosive temperaments, but he eventually began refining the type of girl that he pursued, and now has a much more stable relationship. My first boyfriend cheated on me, dumped me several times, and abused me. Every guy I've dated since then has been a better and better person, because I've refined what I'm looking for. My last boyfriend and my current boyfriend are gentle souls who would never hurt me.

Look carefully about what the guys you've dated have in common. Are you attracted to confident guys who are a little cocky? Guys who started chatting with you in a bar because your looks caught their eye? Independent guys who aren't seeking commitment? I know it's hard to control who you're attracted to, but I think soon enough you'll start to recognize early warning signs of a certain personality flaw and learn to avoid men like that.

[Calicorado83]

y Wow. Awesome replies by everyone, even Valachi, the man. As a woman it stinks not being able to have sex as soon as I want in fear that a man may think I'm easy or not worth it. For guys, its almost expected in today's societythat they are able to have sex as soon as they want without looking "easy". I get turned on as well and I think sex is fun, but I also see how it is complicating things.

I thought I had refined my manhunt this time around, dumping the ex felon and meeting a nice guy who seemed to have his head on his shoulders. We ended up as fwb bc I thought it was best for me at the time...I wanted the company of a guy without the commitment bc I wasn't ready, and it worked for him too because he was in school, but now things are complicated.

I know I've made bad choices with guys. Dating guys out of prison, promiscuous band members, overly possessive next door neighbors, sugar daddy (that was a two week joke!) And now this, fwb...

And the previous poster is right, I am the common denominator in all my bad relationships.
My bad choices...
I'm the reason why I'm complaining and carrying on.

( ( (

I swear I'm human and I'm not a bad person. I just want to be happy with someone to care about and who will care about me. Why do I have to find this good man why is he not looking for me?

[Calicorado83]

And I wanted to add another thing...I think that I have felt sex with a guy is just an easy, simple thing to do. Almost like, it takes the pressure off. I do feel like guys want it and expect it, even if they are sweet and respectful, sometimes I can tell, and when I do it, I don't feel that pressure anymore. So sex has always been.easy. I tried with my fwb at first to not have sex bc I thought he was a nice guy, but I could see he wanted to and it ended up being easier just getting it over with.

Hope that made sense.