[midnighttt]

Hello, I am new the forum, & I desperately need some advice, I dont really have any friends so im hoping for some here, or a response of any kind. thank you so much!

Okay, so me & my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years we are both 19. I have been in a few relationships before none being serious, he had only been in one which only was over the internet, I lost my virginity to this guy, I used to trust him more then anyone. but the last 2 years so much has happened okay so not in any order here is some things that have happened, well when we started dating he came off as such a sweet guy who never cared about sex alot or anything & he told me he had never watched porn or anything because he thought it was gross (which i new was a lie but whatever i didnt care i thought he was just shy) but then like 2 months into the relationship i went into his history on his phone for something i looked up earlier & he grabbed the phone away, once i got it back there was sooooooooo much porn , I mean he downloaded like 300 videos in one night, then i told him that makes me uncomfortable that he watched THAT much, but we got into a fight & I got over it, he said he wouldn't watch it at all (obvs a lie, he still watches it to this day & lies pretty much EVERY single time i ask him when its in his google history) I have also seen in his emails he messaged a prostitution agency & said he was interested in their services, & when they replied asking what he was interested in he didnt reply, but I think only cause I freaked out on him, he said he was just going to get nudes from the prostitute ( still NOT okay) he also had an attention seeking ***** as his best friend in highschool, hung out with her every lunch, they even say they "i love you hun" to eachother & stuff on the computer but they freaked out at me when i was upset about it because it was only friendship love (yea my ***, my bf liked her before he dated me & she would lead on anything that would move, & he pretty much talked & hung out with her til highschool was over even know i asked him to repeatedly not hang out with her because it made me uncomfortable.. but he also gets really abusive sometimes when hes upset, he will push me, drag me off the bed, throw bowls and plates on the ground to break them, ect..& every time after all of these he just begs me to forgive him or promises me itll be his last time, & Ive even tried helping him, after every abusive thing I make him promise he will talk to a doctor about it and he says he will within a week and he doesnt.. I always have to play private detective.. i always check his phone, fb, history and everything cause we live together in( at his parents, in the same room) so we really dont get any privacy anymore which is i guess fine with me, but I dont have a job & he does, & lately i havent seen much happen, like he hasnt been abusive for a month or two, but i did see porn on his phone 3 days ago which he denied, but I cant even has sex with him cause i just think like has he cheated on me? what about all the other girls over the years that hes gotten nudes from,and i feel bad we cant have sex and he knows why I have told him, but he always just says like it was along time ago you need to learn to let things go, but he doesnt force sex on me, but he does try and have it like once a day for some reason lately & i almost always say no.. its not something i enjoy, idk why I cant let go of the past, SHOULD I? is it me? being physo girlfriend who always checks his stuff or are we both to blame, I dont know.. I try & stand up for my self alot, but me & him are moving out in a month, alone. together. where he will go to college & i will be working for for a year but Im scared once he gets alone time and starts meeting girls he will cheat on me or start with all the intense porn or something else scary... Its just so hard to think about leaving him because i have tried and he just wont leave me alone, and we have a life planned together.. everything i think about hes in, its like im addicted to him.. even know i dont even know ),:
PLEASE, help me, what should i do ? should i be scared?

[DreamP346]

You are not in a healthy relationship. Get out now. You are too young to hang around a relationship built on lies and mistrusts. Things are not going to change, they will only get worst. Both of you seem like you need to do a lot of maturing. Accepting lies from your partner and then snooping on his is not a good sign. All his lies and abusive behavior is not healthy. Walk away now and start fresh.

Also, don't rely on him financially. You need to get a job and get your own place. Otherwise you will continue to become more and more dependent on him and not be able to leave the relationship.

[EricNYU]

You're 19, you have a whole life to live. Ask yourself, do you want to live it like this? You said you're addicted to him. It'll be hard but you have to break away. You'll be glad you did it, but it has to come from you. We can tell you over and over to leave, but you have to want it because you want something better for yourself.

[midnighttt]

thank you both for your replies,
I just wanted to say I don't actually live off him financially at all, I just lost my job abit ago and i have saving and thats what i have been buying my food with, and when we were going to move is when i was going to get my job.
I wish there was some way to change him but like you guys have said its unhealthy and i will have to try and figure something out,


I am still very open for replies!
all the help/ support i can get would be great

[CHANDLERS WISH]

midnight,

The hardest thing to do is to walk away from a relationship that you've been in from 17 years of age, it's an impressionable age, in addition, your first love, the one that took your virginity.

But, he lied to you straight away without a blink of an eye. Porn is discusting and yet he had so much of it stored it's not funny. So, he lied to cover his tracks of what he wants to do, in hope you never find out but you did.

Not much changed after that, it continued with other elements and you are spending all your waking moments, snooping which is way not healthy.

So what is healthy about your relationship?

Also does he have savings? Has he worked?

Sounds as if you have on both accounts and can obtain a job without worry. Where is he heading?

He could have an addictive personality you claim you do, I think it's more of the fact that he took your virginity there is a bond there as a result. Addictive personalities can not give something up, they may change their addiction or they may hide it.. He hid it.

Look at your future not your present, your future what do you honestly see.