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Feeling Depressed today and I am not sure if my thoughts are irrational

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  • Feeling Depressed today and I am not sure if my thoughts are irrational

    First off I have a lot of things going on in my mind, so I am not sure if I am jumping to conclusions about the guy that I have been dating.

    Here's some back ground info. I am estranged from my family. I don't have any family here in my country apart from my three siblings and my mother. My father took off years ago and we haven't heard of or seen him since.

    My sisters would have holiday get togethers and birthday parties, mother's day celebrations for my mom and not invite me despite the fact that they know of my history of depression and being hospitalized for it. When I lived at home with my mom, my older sister would invite my mom to her her house to spend Thanks Giving with her, her husband and kids. The last straw for me when when my sisters had a surprise birthday party for my mom last over a year ago. All the grand kids were there and I was not invited. Just the year before they did that, I tried to take my life and the middle sister knew this and she still organized a party for my mom and did not invite me. I told her it bothered me before she did this so it wasn't as if she wasn't aware of my feelings of feeling ostracized. I decided from then on that I needed to cut them off completely. My mom doesn't see anything wrong with this because it's not affecting her directly. I usually call her but yesterday she told me I am boring to talk to on the phone so I just won't bother with her anymore.

    I've been seeing a guy for a year and a half. He's nice and he always takes me out when he is not overwhelmed with work. He takes me out to dinner, or the movies and we are planning a trip together in the fall. Even when he is busy, he checks in on me once a day. On the rare occasion I might not hear from him for one day. BUT it bothers me that he has never introduced me to his family or friends. He has never met mine either but I have my reasons.

    I checked out his social media one day and saw that his ex was corresponding with him. Although he says she's engaged to someone else, I'm just wondering why I am not even on his social media but she is. They lived together by the way. He freaked on me one day when I posted a message on his instagram. He said, "I use my instagram for work to publicize my work and to liaise with clients and that he likes keeping his personal life separate from work." But I think that is BS. Why would his ex be communicating with him on there then? And I've seen some of the crap he posts on there and it's not all work related. There are other girls on there that post crap on his pictures... I admit I posted a msg to make my presence known and to irritate him but I wanted to see his reaction.

    I'm not sure if my feelings are irrational because I already feel bummed about my family, or my feelings are legit. I can't tell if he's ashamed of me or he has a girlfriend and is keeping me private.

    We also come from two distinct cultural backgrounds and I am not sure if he doesn't want his friends or family to know about me because of my race.

    I don't think I am a loser. I am an educated woman with a great career, so I don't understand why I feel so crappy. But I do feel as if I am unimportant in this world.

  • Well you're definitely not a loser. And your feelings aren't irrational. First, it's very painful to feel rejected by your family. My mothers siblings treat her this way...and she is truly the best person I know in this world. There is no GOOD answer for that...other than sometimes people can be cruel, and blood is not ALWAYS thicker than water. Developing bonds with other women, friendships that are grow and become deeply rooted is very important for you.

    The guy situation.... you're not overreacting here in my opinion. A year and a half and you haven't met any family or friends? You haven't asked him to meet yours because you're estranged from them ...but what about friends? You're not even on his FB? My initial reaction is that this guy doesn't sound like someone you need to be with. It doesn't seem like he's a trustworthy individual. He's hiding you, not because he's ashamed of you, but because he has other things going on I'd expect. After a year and a half with this man, it seems that you two are merely casually dating. If you're okay with that, so be it. But it doesn't sound like there is any more to it than that for him.
    "Be what you're looking for."


    • There is this old saying, "you can't choose your family"...

      But here is the thing, you can choose who you want to be and where you want to go in life.

      I am sorry that you are estranged from your family, they are non-supportive probably really don't know what the word love means either because if they did, they would love you for who you are and support you emotionally in my opinion.

      If I was you? If it was me? I'd live my life to the fullest with laughter and love and get out there. If they ever want to know how you are, they can call you..

      I guess, it's possible that if you come from different cultures with this guy that, that could be a problem.

      But again, I think it's time you stood tall and realised you are a beautiful person inside and out and if he isn't willing to make you part of his life, not just him and you but his whole life then I wouldn't stay.

      He obviously likes you as a person and likes being with you daily communication says so. Sit down with him and tell him, his private life is his, for sure but you've entered it and have been there for a long time, either he now brings you further into it, or you will have to walk away.

      My suspicion is that he is still in love with his ex and hopes to get back with her one day as to why you are "hidden".

      You are worth more, remember that.



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