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6yr relationship - break it up or not?

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  • 6yr relationship - break it up or not?

    Hi all - new here!
    So I came on here for some advice on my current dating life which I haven't spoken to anyone about so my mind is going a bit nuts here.

    Long story short, my bf and I have been dating for 6 years now, since I was 19. We were in a long distance relationship while I was in university and he was living in the UK pursuing his studies. He's always been my rock for a long time as I battled depression and PTSD. I always felt I could count on him for anything and I would always go see him during my summer and winter vacation when I was in college. We both had bad family problems and supported each other, more so me than him. After college, I came to the UK to be with him, living at his parents, as I couldn't stay at home any longer.

    My problem is this: I love him but it feels like he loves me more than I love him. He has plans for the future and it freaks me out. He wants to put a deposit for a house get a dog, buy stocks.. He's the whole nine yards! I've never had a normal teenage life and I feel like now that I'm 24, I want to be young and not be tied down. I've never experienced anything. I was his first and he was mine. Somehow, I feel like I'm missing out on experiences. I've always been an old soul at heart but I think it's because I had to be, to protect myself from problems I had at home. I like to dance and be out but he prefers to be at home. When we are intimate, as he's inexperienced, it can be awkward and quick. It doesn't feel passionate or steamy for me. He just doesn't turn me on. Even when we kiss, it's like, 'ok I love you' but there's no fire. I had expressed this to him before but I don't feel like we're getting anywhere.

    I'd hate to break up with him and I don't know what to do. It gets even more complicated because we're planning on moving back to the USA as he's always wanted to move there. Do I see if things change once we move? What can I try to make things work or at least give it another try? What is my problem ?

    Thanks everyone

  • It sounds like he's a great friend, but not a good choice for you for a husband. As well, from what you have said, you are not looking for a husband right now.

    I think it would be a mistake to move with him. That would make it more complicated to end it.

    Is he a UK citizen and you a US citizen? Moving with him in that case will really complicate things and put more pressure on you.
    I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.


    • Take Baboy's advice to heart. If you do not feel the same way, let him know immediately. Whether it crushes him or not . . . and it will . . . He needs to know the truth before the plans go any further. It would certainly not be fair to him to move to the US and then dump him.
      "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"


      • Both the gentlemen above are correct, Mels. You & your bf are not on the same page, and probably not long term compatible partners. There's no fire, as you say.

        Another telling detail is the emotional attachment you have developed due to leaning on each other for support through difficult times. That has bonded you, and caused you to mistake this bond as something more than it is. It's natural, and nothing you should feel bad about, but it doesn't mean you're the right romantic, life partners for each other.


        • Yep. I have felt this in relationships before. I know how difficult it is to break away from someone you truly care about, who is really good to you........but the reality is it is relationships like those that lead to unsatisfied, frustrated marriages that often end up in divorce. People settle. Don't be one of those people. Friendship in a relationship is critical, but for most people, that alone is not enough. Make the decision that is right for both of you, and stick with it. If you end it, you'll miss him for sure, and there will be a period of time you want to run back. But, if you make the decision to leave, leave and don't allow yourself to play with his emotions by keeping him on a string. Sounds like you're both good people. Just maybe not the right people for each other.
          "Be what you're looking for."


          • It's clear to see you're unhappy ! break it off and go out there and experience new things



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