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No Man's (or Woman's!) Land - a.k.a Post-first date anxiety

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  • No Man's (or Woman's!) Land - a.k.a Post-first date anxiety

    Greetings Ladies, I hope you are all well

    I think I'm in need of a reality check.

    Had a date at the weekend that I thought went very well; he couldn't take his eyes off me, we laughed and talked at ease, he asked twice to extend the date, he picked up the bill (by no means a deal breaker), kissed me passionately..

    ..however, after the kiss, we ended up saying goodbye in the street and no second date was established or hinted at (I normally would have suggested a second date but was unsure as to how he felt about me), he said he'd had a great day and said 'give me a text' and I said 'yes I'd be in touch'.

    30 minutes after we'd parted, he texted and thanked me again for a great day and hoped I had a good evening and told me what he planned to do with his evening (nothing in too much detail-having a drink).

    I texted back shortly after (2 hours) saying 'I had a great day too, would be good to do something again?' and wished him a pleasant evening.

    This was 2 days ago, I've not heard from him since, and I haven't been in contact with him since my last text.

    Normally, I'd give my head a shake and take it for what it is, but I felt we had genuine chemistry, we couldn't take our eyes of each other, he found an excuse to grab my arm/hand as he was describing something to me, he seemed to be genuinely listening to what I was saying, and not just wondering what I looked like naked (haha) as he was asking further questions in regard to what I was talking about.
    I would very much like to see him again as I feel this could be something with potential.

    Do I put myself out there and text him later in the week and ask to see him again or let him do the chasing?

    Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, thankyou in anticipation ladies

  • Might I add - I know it's only been 48 hours since we communicated so I need to hold my romantic horses, I'm curious to see if it seems to anyone else like he has no intention of ever contacting me again

    Comment


    • IMO, 2 days is still a small amount of time.guys I know that want to take you out again do reach out to you eventually, but they may not do it right away.
      "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

      Comment


      • People have lives and maybe he doesn't know when he'll be free again yet. He could be particularly busy this week or he could be like my friend who is busy every week and gone every weekend and I don't expect answers from her any sooner than a week.

        Comment


        • When you texted last, & said that it'd be good to do something again, did you make it a statement or a question? I think, 2 days could be a long time, or it could NOT be a long time at all.
          Generally, and in my experience with oh-so-many first dates, is that if they're interested in a second meeting, they'll establish a next time, in some form, before the end of the first date. Especially if it's someone you met online or blindly, where there's really no other contacts to be had, as if with mutual friends or work relations.

          So, if it were me, I wouldn't rule it out or think much at all. If he contacts, great-your thoughts were correct. If not, then maybe it wasn't what it seemed to be.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH
            Call me old fashion but on a first date and a guy stares and makes it obvious he thinks you on the outside is hot, plays with your arms, gives you a magical long kiss, asks twice to extend the date, then texts you a bit after telling you he's having a drink. To me, it sounds as if he was after the "Chemistry" you felt, not romance and that was all he was after.

            That's my gut feeling to be honest so I would hold off and take that all in and see what it is you are after. Let him approach you, you already suggested you'd like to see him again. If he likes "you" not just the outer you, see what he does next.

            I agree. The ball is in his court now.
            "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

            Comment


            • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
              When you texted last, & said that it'd be good to do something again, did you make it a statement or a question? I think, 2 days could be a long time, or it could NOT be a long time at all.
              Generally, and in my experience with oh-so-many first dates, is that if they're interested in a second meeting, they'll establish a next time, in some form, before the end of the first date. Especially if it's someone you met online or blindly, where there's really no other contacts to be had, as if with mutual friends or work relations.

              So, if it were me, I wouldn't rule it out or think much at all. If he contacts, great-your thoughts were correct. If not, then maybe it wasn't what it seemed to be.
              My text was a suggestion rather than a statement as I ended it with a ? to try and see if he would take a leap and ask me for a second date.

              Thanks for your answers, it's interesting to hear your thoughts. I've not met a guy I'm so compatible with since my ex and I guess I'm going overboard thinking about this date

              Chandlers Wish- I hear you, guys can be clever if they think they can get a little somethin' somethin', but after he kissed for a while, he kissed me tenderly on the forehead, it didn't feel like anything was forced. Idk, I'm going to have to ctfo and let some time pass.

              Comment


              • I agree with CW and Mag, the ball is in his court. Maybe he is one of those who have been told to let his date wait a bit before setting up the next date. I have heard of that before and I think its dumb. Genuine opportunities with someone compatible never came that easy for me and I wasn't one to purposely delay setting up the next date.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                ...
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                Comment


                • Originally posted by soph_walker View Post

                  Do I put myself out there and text him later in the week and ask to see him again or let him do the chasing?
                  I agree that the ball is in his court. However, if you like the guy and he has not written to you by Thursday, send him an encouraging text. You have nothing to lose but a bit of ego and there could be a thousand explanations why he has not gotten back to you. Don't let a potentially good thing go away based on dating convention.
                  "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by effy2014 View Post
                    I agree that the ball is in his court. However, if you like the guy and he has not written to you by Thursday, send him an encouraging text. You have nothing to lose but a bit of ego and there could be a thousand explanations why he has not gotten back to you. Don't let a potentially good thing go away based on dating convention.
                    I agree with you completely, when I was in my late teens to early twenties (I'm nearly 30), I would often try and play it cool and not let a guy know if I liked him - partly as I was fearful of rejection, however, after more dates than I can remember and my recent longterm relationship ending, I am happy to say I'm past the stage of being coy and expecting the guy to chase.

                    I'm wary of how guys can be if a woman is upfront about what she wants. You're right though, I definitely don't have anything to lose apart from a bruised ego (I'll get the bandaids ready haha).

                    I have the sneaking suspicion that I won't see him ever again though, previously, successful dates that I've been on have nearly always involved setting up another date or at least ascertaining when you are both free before the end of the date.

                    Que Sera, Sera I guess

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH
                      Have you googled " pick up artists lines?" One of their tricks is to kiss a woman on the fore-head.

                      I'm not saying that he did/is/was. But it is a 50/50. Hence my thoughts to let him come back to you.. He may not be ready for anything other than hook-ups for instance. He himself may not want to seem too keen, you gave him every indication you would see him again.

                      He doesn't sound shy, he was quite the full on, confident person.

                      Why I am thinking the way I am is he texted you after, letting you know he was having a drink after suggesting "twice" to continue on with the date.

                      As a woman a kiss on the fore-head would do it for me every time : )Kind of "give me more" only of the affection off course : )

                      I get why you are feeling that way.
                      Haha, yes indeed, it's a certain way to sweep a woman off her feet especially on a first date.

                      Probably why I'm so keen on seeing him again, I felt so relaxed around him!

                      He asked twice to extend the date, and I probably didn't make it clear, we did extend the date, we went for a walk and then went for coffee and cake after our lunch which then lead to him kissing me.

                      Comment

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