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Being friends with an ex

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  • Being friends with an ex

    Yesterday I found a message in my other folder on Facebook from my ex. Months ago when we broke up. I blocked him on my phone and Facebook. He created another Facebook account and messaged me recently. We do not live near each other anymore. I moved away from where he lives when we were still together. I broke up with him because he told me he was smoking weed behind my back for the year and a half we were dating. I'm going to school for criminal justice so that's kind of a problem. He proposed to me a week before telling me this. Anyways yesterday I was being nice (rather than saying "What do you want **his name here**"). Long ish story short he told me he's been clean for 3 months and is realizing that he messed up because a few times he's almost died (he's a firefighter and has heart problems) and wished I was there, rather than his new gf (according to fb they've been dating for like 1 month ish.) He said it woke him up that he lost a good woman/lover over weed. He wants to make amends and me to forgive him. I
    Told him "I'll forgive you but I won't forget. I've learned some things because of this." "What's that?" "I've learned that I am strong and don't need a man, but want one. I've been on a few dates since then and they all left when I didn't give sex up after the first few times we dated. I deserve way better." He said "Yes you do. And I'm sorry I didn't treat you well. You deserve to be treated like a queen. I'm sorry I didn't realize what I had until I lost you." I told him I'd be friends with him, although I haven't seen him since we broke up, because I have no reason to go where he lives. I'm not sure whether to believe him or not. I won't lie, I looked at his gf's profile out of curiousity. They are already saying "I love you and miss you." I think she is a rebound because if this is true, why is he worried about making amends with me? I have no desire to get back with him. An old friend once told me "if it doesn't work the 1st time, what makes you think it'll work the 2nd or 3rd time?" And so far that has served me well. I moved on from this ex. 2 months after we broke up I started dating again because I see no point in being sad all the time for someone it didn't work out with. I never cried over him after we broke up. I had more of a "screw him" attitude.

  • Not sure what you are asking. It seems to me that you have moved on and he has not. Any attempt at being friends will just give him the hope that you will eventually give in. If you want to give him another chance at being a BF then be friends . . . Personally, I wouldn't.
    "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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    • I'm just asking if it's possible to be friends with an ex and if I should be friends with him. I have no intention of ever getting back with him.

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      • He lied to you for a long time. I've never seen a liar become a person who doesn't lie. It's not only about the weed. He's deceived you, possibly jeopardizing your future career.

        And now he's deceiving his girlfriend, just like he deceived you.

        Some people try to become friends with exes in the hope of a friendship with sex in the mix.

        I don't stop talking to exes, but I don't get too close, either. We move to being acquaintances. And in the case of a deceiver who was trying to get back to me while fooling another woman he claimed to love and miss? No.

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        • I'm starting to think he hasn't moved on and his new gf is just a rebound. I do not live near him and he says he wants to prove he's a changed man. I asked him "you have a girlfriend. Why don't you show her, if you haven't already?" "I have showed her. I want to show you as well." I also asked him "why does it matter to you what I think?" "Idk." I made it clear to him that I believe his apology (he apologized a lot) and that I'll forgive him (I don't like holding grudges) but I won't forget. He lost my trust the day we broke up. Trust is earned. It's hard for me to believe everything else he's said especially since it's over Facebook message. //
          I am Facebook friends with another ex. But as raindancer said, him and I are aquaintences. We barely talk on Facebook. So I have no experience with an ex trying to be more than that.

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          • I wouldn't . He says he has made changes and is different but one thing ya can't change is a liar. Every time I have ever tried to be friends with an ex it either ended up being awkward or one of us would get jealous when the other would be seeing or talking to other people. It doesn't seem like you were/are too upset about the breakup and have moved on. So why try for a friendship when you're happy without him? It's just excess baggage and sooner or later it will most likely be a problem- either you regain feelings for each other, your current love interest has an issue with you being friends w your ex, etc. I wouldn't bother. Now if you were so heartbroken after you guys broke up and missed him terrible and wanted him back that might be a different story. (Btw I had an ex who smoked weed and we broke up over it and he said he changed and wasn't doing that crap anymore and we tried dating and he went right back to doing it and then it led to him trying more dangerous things) I commend you for getting rid of him and not worrying about him and moving on with your life, most females (or males) cannot. So I wouldn't even waste time with a friendship ya got better things to invest your time in

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            • You can give one more chance to him. I mean at least to be friends. But keep the distance for a while and just observe the things. Once he was lying to you it could happen again. But on the other hand it is possible that he was lying only because he was afraid to tell you that he is smoking weed. It happend to you for sure when you were a child and you didn`t tell the truth to your parents because you were afraid of the consequences. Am I right? It looks like he realized what have happened. Maybe he really would like to change something. At least he was apologizing. You can`t loose too much if you will be friends again, but definitely not recommending to be in a relationship again. I agree with that if once it was not working, why it should work later on?

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