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Dating an ex, maybe.

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  • Dating an ex, maybe.

    Last year we dated for 3 months and never had sex. He was in the police academy and didn't talk to me for 3 days. Which is why I broke up with him. He's now a police officer. We've recently started dating again and somewhat against my will we had sex on the 2nd date this go round. I told him I didn't want to have sex because long story short before we started talking again I had to be off birth control and a few days ago got back on it. I was told to wait 30 days to have sex. I told him this. He said he had condoms and I still told him I was apprehensive because of what could happen if the condom broke. After he got what he wanted (I got nothing) he laid on me and asked if he was crushing me. I, not thinking, just blurted what came to my mind. I am an equestrian (which he knows). The first thing that popped in my head was "I have a 1500 lb horse, you aren't crushing me." He took it wayyy out of context and that's not what I meant. I didn't think about how it sounded until mid sentence. He said, rightfully, "that's not what I wanted to hear after sex." A few minutes later he asked what was wrong. I hesitantly told him "I'm glad one of us got something out of that. I told you I didn't want it because my birth control wouldn't work if your condom broke." He said "WoW. Now that I've borderline sexually assaulted you I feel lower than low." I asked if he would do other things that don't involve sex but are pleasurable for the woman but he just turned over and went to sleep. The next morning he didn't say much to me (he's not a morning person) got ready for work and walked me to my truck (I went to school) kissed me goodbye and told me he would text me later. This was 2 days ago. His job as a police officer keeps him busy so I'm trying not to be clingy because of that. I apologized for possibly ruining everything and I haven't heard from him. What should I do?

  • I would take dating him slow. It sounds like you two clash. I also find him not stepping up to at least try to see to your pleasure problematic. Taking it slow should allow you to find out if that was his normal game or if he was off of his game that night.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • I couldn't agree more to be honest. I want to take it slow and my issue with the birth control (I had an insurance problem but it got fixed, 3 weeks late) is just another reason.


      • I get the feeling you have a lot of resentment for him, pent up most likely from the first experience where he stopped talking to you for 3 days. Being completely honest, this doesn't sound like someone you're really into. I get the sense you're being very passive aggressive with him. If you don't want sex, don't have sex. (Obviously situations of rape are different.) Don't do it and then say you didn't really want it afterwards.

        Many guys can't "hold it" long on the first time with a woman. But you have to be an active participant too. Let him know what you want/need. Just like every man is different, every woman is too. He can't read your mind and in general, men aren't often good at taking hints, nor do they respect them.

        When you are dating someone new, it should be fun, exciting, passionate. I don't hear that in you with him at all. Be careful you don't settle into a relationship that doesn't ignite your passion and love. It also sounds like he is lacking that passion for you too.

        "Be what you're looking for."


        • I'm starting to think you are right. I've tried apologizing for what I said and offered to cook dinner at my place. Never got an answer. I didn't think I had to tell him how to pleasure me since he's done it many times before. We never had sex before but did other things. Either way as of right now I'm thinking it will not work. Before this night, I missed him quite a lot but didn't say anything. Every few months he'd text me saying he missed me but thought I deserved better than him.



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