[Selene]

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for just over 7 months now and overall things are good. However things have been going a bit downhill lately and I think a large part of the reason is that I find myself quite easily annoyed by certain things he does. Mostly it is a lack of communication on his part, he is a fairly quiet chilled out person in general but often I can ask him a question or say something and all I get is silence, a non committal noise or a very short reply (usually I dunno) and I find myself getting more and more wound up by this. It can be like talking to a brick wall. I have tried bringing it up as a discussion, letting him know that it upsets me but so far nothing has changed and I don't know what else to do. I can't tell if it is just getting to me more than usual because we have been spending more time together, if it is something else stressing me out that is making me more easily annoyed or if he is just being awkward. I don't believe he is doing it deliberately etc but he does not seem to understand or grasp the concept of why it upsets me even though I have tried explaining it to him. Either way it is really putting a strain on things and I am worried that it is something we won't be able to pull out of. We really care about each other and are both tired of having been in relationships with a lot of drama so we are both keen to avoid that but as well as me being upset/annoyed I feel that the way I have been acting because of this is affecting how he feels too. It is causing drama that neither of us want and I dunno how to fix it.

[atskitty2]

Not all "conflict" is drama. Communication is necessary to prevent conflict and it seems communication is lacking here.

[Ashlee T.]

My own personal experience is that once I get to the point of being annoyed by all the small things, feeling irritated at times by his very presence, it's pretty much over.

You cannot make someone something they are not. If he's the quite, laid back, chill type you cannot expect that to change just because it's what you need. The key in life is finding someone who speaks your love language. His love language may be entirely different than yours.

[amy40]

Sit him down when he is not tired, distracted etc. Hold hands and face each other. Tell him how you feel. " I feel unimportant when I ask you a question and I don't get an answer." "I really value your opinion and would like to hear what you have to say." etc.
If you two care enough about each other, you can work on better communicating. Also, he may be a slow processor. Good luck.

[Selene]

Thank you for responses. Amy40, I think you are right, I think it does sometimes take him a while to process things and I sometimes get a better response if I wait and ask him via text later on. I think this gives him the time he needs to think about what he wants to answer. We have managed to talk things through this way and I have told him how I feel etc and he has told me how he feels so will see how it goes from here.