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Fetishes...

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  • Fetishes...

    I know we all have fantasies and fetishes but my recently ex-boyfriend had a fetish I was not comfortable with and didn't agree with in a relationship. He told me I could do whatever I wanted with whoever. He actually liked the idea of me having sex or doing whatever with other guys. I am not comfortable with this and actually feel completely disrespected by him. We got into an argument n broke up because I told him I wasn't going to do that. He feels I'm being unfair and that I don't want to make him happy by doing this. I'm glad I'm out of this relationship b/c I feel it's wrong. Anyone agree or disagree with me?? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  • Sorry, meant to say he thinks I don't want to make him happy by NOT doing this..

    Comment


    • I think it's totally reasonable and that breaking up was the right choice. This wasn't a disagreement about whether or not to have sex in certain positions, or whether you talk dirty... What he was asking is very different than that.

      If you are not comfortable with having sex with others, that's your decision to make. It's your body. Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, it wasn't right for you, and that's what matters.

      Comment


      • 100% reasonable on your part. We should only be willing to go so far to "please" someone else. Fetish or not, I would feel so degraded to know that my bf would sit back and watch me with another man. I want someone who is protective of me, territorial even, wants me for himself and himself only. People fantasize about things, and I have heard that particular scenario is one that many men fantasize about. But fantasy and reality are two different things.

        You did the right thing. He needs to find someone who desires the same things he does. And you need to find someone who desires the same things you do. Or at least, in the same ballpark.
        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • Totally agree with you.
          It's his fantasy not yours and should not impose it on you. You shouldn't have to sleep with others, to make him happy!! It's your body and whom you give it to, is your choice.
          He needs to be in an open relationship, with someone who doesn't mind should he wish to fulfil this particular aspiration.

          Comment


          • The question may be why? Why did he say he wanted this? Did he want to join in? Did he want out of the relationship and was hoping he could "catch" you in the act? This doesn't seem to come under the auspices of fetish. A fetish would have something in it for him. I mean, you could be sleeping with every guy you meet and he would never really know unless you told him. If you didn't tell, what's he getting out of this?
            I think you were smart not to continue on unless and until he can tell you or justify to your satisfaction why this would be important to him.
            That which we forget may as well never really happened.

            Comment


            • He wanted to know who. He said he gets off on it. The idea of his girl getting fd by another guy. He'd tell me scenarios of what he liked. For example he goes, if we were out one night n u saw some hot guy n wanted to f him just come up to me n be like hey I'll be right back and go f n then come back afterwards. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not a **** and I have respect for myself and my body. Another example was, he wanted me to be having sex with another guy n call him so he could hear it. I mean what the heck?! This is not normal to me! I have never encountered this type of situation before in any relationship.

              Comment


              • Beautiful Disaster I do feel degraded. Makes me feel like he has no respect for women. I also want someone who only wants me for himself and is protective. Thanks for the input

                Comment


                • It is good that you are out of that relationship.

                  I would characterize his fantasy as a pimp pimping his prostitute girlfriend. He probably got it from a movie.

                  I once knew of such a situation in real life. The guy had a mean streak and also a crazy streak. He held sway over his girlfriend using passive-aggressive techniques to break down her resistance. At times he was as sweet as could be. Other times he would beat her. She would not leave him.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • Jade3 - That is out there for you. Trust me. I'm so glad you did NOT settle.
                    "Be what you're looking for."

                    Comment

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