I met this girl in 2002 - very attractive. We didnt stay in touch but in 2015 as I was going through a divorce we reconnected and began dating. We hit it off immediately. Lots of similar interests, we'll go to the gym, camping, hiking, road trips, etc. I think we are **** near perfect. We bought a house in Spring of 2016 and together have made it a beautiful home doing a lot of renovations/projects together. Everything seems perfect.
However, she does have a drinking problem, I'm aware of, and she has battled getting help/committing to really anything to fix this. It has affected her work, relationships w/ me/family and she has run into legal consequences. She has some baggage (nothing wrong with that) but she has poor coping skills and worse self control when it comes to alcohol. Almost anything can trigger the drinking/binging.
In the past few months, usually when drunk, she has said she wants to be alone and it may be best to break up. Completely threw me for a loop. I thought she was happy and we've talked about marriage and starting a family. When she was sober she admitted she says things she doesnt mean, she tends to hurt others to make herself feel better and she wants to be with me. A week later, same cycle. I dont know if this is how she really feels or not. Usually when shes hungover or a day or two after a binge she is irritable and grouchy; but the other day, while sober, said she just doesnt know what she wants. Still kinda blows my mind and its breaking my heart. She was passed out the other night when I got home; I never go through her phone but I wanted to figure out what triggered this binge so I looked at her texts. I didnt find anything but I didn find that she told her mom she was unsure what she wanted and that her and I just didnt have "the chemistry" we used to. Just two weeks ago she said we are partners and she wants to be more open with me as we share the rest of our lives together. she tells me she loves me consistanly and I would say there were no red flags that she is/was unhappy.
i think she is unhappy with hersef and she has lots of past regrets she cant seem to put behind her. she drinks to numb these problems and its taking a toll on the relationship. I guess Im looking for a female perspective here; Id say 95% of the time she seems happy and we talk about our future (marriage/family). then she drinks, gets upset/sad and says she wants to be single. I think its the drinking and abuse of that that needs fixed (and Im supportive and im trying to get her help - that she says she wants) but Im getting mixed singles and the fact she told her mom, when sober - yet hungover - makes me wonder what she really wants.
insight? suggestions? support her/run?
However, she does have a drinking problem, I'm aware of, and she has battled getting help/committing to really anything to fix this. It has affected her work, relationships w/ me/family and she has run into legal consequences. She has some baggage (nothing wrong with that) but she has poor coping skills and worse self control when it comes to alcohol. Almost anything can trigger the drinking/binging.
In the past few months, usually when drunk, she has said she wants to be alone and it may be best to break up. Completely threw me for a loop. I thought she was happy and we've talked about marriage and starting a family. When she was sober she admitted she says things she doesnt mean, she tends to hurt others to make herself feel better and she wants to be with me. A week later, same cycle. I dont know if this is how she really feels or not. Usually when shes hungover or a day or two after a binge she is irritable and grouchy; but the other day, while sober, said she just doesnt know what she wants. Still kinda blows my mind and its breaking my heart. She was passed out the other night when I got home; I never go through her phone but I wanted to figure out what triggered this binge so I looked at her texts. I didnt find anything but I didn find that she told her mom she was unsure what she wanted and that her and I just didnt have "the chemistry" we used to. Just two weeks ago she said we are partners and she wants to be more open with me as we share the rest of our lives together. she tells me she loves me consistanly and I would say there were no red flags that she is/was unhappy.
i think she is unhappy with hersef and she has lots of past regrets she cant seem to put behind her. she drinks to numb these problems and its taking a toll on the relationship. I guess Im looking for a female perspective here; Id say 95% of the time she seems happy and we talk about our future (marriage/family). then she drinks, gets upset/sad and says she wants to be single. I think its the drinking and abuse of that that needs fixed (and Im supportive and im trying to get her help - that she says she wants) but Im getting mixed singles and the fact she told her mom, when sober - yet hungover - makes me wonder what she really wants.
insight? suggestions? support her/run?
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