[Mgirlfriend]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. I’ve NEVER been in a long-term relationship; he on the other hand has been in MANY, 5 or 6 two to four year relationships.
I’m 6 years younger them him. We live together since I moved across the US to be with him.
We are in an open relationship meaning we have sex with other people at parties together. We don’t date other people but at parties, we have sex and play around with other people. I don’t really have much sex with other guys while he does with multiple girls all the time at every party.

I really just want to be with him at these parties because most of the time, we don’t have sex and we don’t kiss or touch each other when we are alone at home.

My question is why he feels uncomfortable with me kissing him and touching him in flirty and lovingly ways, such as hugs, small kisses, passionate kisses, cuddling, rubbing body parts, ect. when we are alone at home?

I stopped touching him and initiating contact because I could feel his uncomfortable ness with it, then I stopped he never initiated so there was no contact, no sex, no nothing between us. I love him I want to touch him and be close to him.
Why he is he uncomfortable with me being in control by initiating contact, since he doesn’t at all?

I’ve asked him about this and he just says he doesn't know why he feels uncomfortable with my affection.
I know he had sex with an older woman when he was 15 and didn’t have sex again until he was 21, he says he wasn’t really ready for that and it was rape since the woman was over 18 and he was not.

When we are at sex parties, he kisses, flirts, touches and has sex with other women and sometimes he has sex with me.
Its hurts me to see him interact with these other girls in a way I wish he would interact with me at home alone.
i dont mind him being with others, i just wish he would treat me the same way as he does with these other girls.

What can I do so that he wants to interact with me the same way he does with these other girls?

Why when we are alone wont he let me kiss him or initiate contact, and why won’t he initiate contact?
What can I do to make him feel more comfortable around me and allow me to kiss him and touch him first?


Please help
Thanks

[CHANDLERS WISH]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. I’ve NEVER been in a long-term relationship; he on the other hand has been in MANY, 5 or 6 two to four year relationships.
I’m 6 years younger them him. We live together since I moved across the US to be with him.
We are in an open relationship meaning we have sex with other people at parties together. We don’t date other people but at parties, we have sex and play around with other people. I don’t really have much sex with other guys while he does with multiple girls all the time at every party.

I really just want to be with him at these parties because most of the time, we don’t have sex and we don’t kiss or touch each other when we are alone at home.

My question is why he feels uncomfortable with me kissing him and touching him in flirty and lovingly ways, such as hugs, small kisses, passionate kisses, cuddling, rubbing body parts, ect. when we are alone at home?

I stopped touching him and initiating contact because I could feel his uncomfortable ness with it, then I stopped he never initiated so there was no contact, no sex, no nothing between us. I love him I want to touch him and be close to him.
Why he is he uncomfortable with me being in control by initiating contact, since he doesn’t at all?

I’ve asked him about this and he just says he doesn't know why he feels uncomfortable with my affection.
I know he had sex with an older woman when he was 15 and didn’t have sex again until he was 21, he says he wasn’t really ready for that and it was rape since the woman was over 18 and he was not.

When we are at sex parties, he kisses, flirts, touches and has sex with other women and sometimes he has sex with me.
Its hurts me to see him interact with these other girls in a way I wish he would interact with me at home alone.
i dont mind him being with others, i just wish he would treat me the same way as he does with these other girls.

What can I do so that he wants to interact with me the same way he does with these other girls?

Why when we are alone wont he let me kiss him or initiate contact, and why won’t he initiate contact?
What can I do to make him feel more comfortable around me and allow me to kiss him and touch him first?


Please help
Thanks

I have to ask you, of course you don't have to answer but did he initially at the beginning?

It may be that he can not form a relationship what so ever, he may feel angry at that woman where he states he was "raped".. and hense the women "orgy" style, non commitment style of sexual encounters.

But obviously he also is seeking relations..

It's hard if this is the case, to break someone out of that....

Hense my first question to you.

You may in fact just need to tell him, it's not on, it's a relationship, or friendship either way your fine with it and you'll move on... See what arises from that....

Good luck...

CW

[C]

What you have walked into with this man will not change. Whether what happened to him when he was younger has a bearing on him, which I think it would, will never go away. His feelings for women are not what your feelings for men are. He was used by an older woman...He in turn has learned to use women the same way...He is doing what he has been taught to do...He was programmed at a young age of what sex is. He is doing what he knows.

If he has had five or sex other relationships and you knew of his life style yet still moved across the country to be with him, then honey this could have been a mistake...What he is telling you without words is in my opinion, "Don't Fence Me In". Open relationships are a problem...No matter what the trust in each other, they ususally do have problems...Maybe it takes the type of special person to do this that I am not equipped to be...To me they are people that are bored with each other and need an excitement that they cannot find within their own relationship...But then this is only my opinion.

What you are asking is how do I make him love you and if this is true, many people in the world will stand behind you when you have the answer and ask you to share it with them......Being so in love with a man as I am, I could never share one bit of him.......and I think you feel the same way......but he doesn't......If I were you I would move on.....Find what you are looking for......You are young and so very special.....Or else you never would have written this post asking for help.....Move on, cry your eyes out and find someone deserving of your love...He never will be because he can't be....Someone took this away from him and unless he can get away from the game of life that he is playing, he will never change......Take Care, Caroline

[Guest]

Everything is about perception. Maybe you need to look at it differently. Maybe try and having sex at these parties and see if he's alright with it. or just talk to him instead of us.