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Custody battles

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  • That's what I thought jns, even tho they lived together all those years. I'll see what more he shares as time goes on, and investigate if necessary, but at this point, I'm curious and interested what could possibly have happened.

    ETA: there's no longer commonlaw marriage here.
    Last edited by atskitty2; 06-22-2018, 05:22 PM.


    • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
      He never married the kid's mother. They were together 12+ yrs. So there's no divorce papers to read.
      I'd not be inclined to do that anyway, unless I thought he had lied.
      If there's a custody order, there was a lawsuit. Hence, there would be court records that are available to you. They're public record. You can access them.


      • My parents divorced when I was a young teenager. Because my mother was ill, my dad got custody of us. As amy40 says: it is in best interest of the children. My mother was in no fit state to take care of myself, brother and sister. Courts are usually fair [of course, there are exceptions] but the court will put the child/children first. It is not always the woman who gets custody.

        I also second everyone elses posts.


        • It varies hugely state by state, but generally speaking, when it comes to child custody issues, the man is assumed guilty of something, not "until proven innocent," but forever. The system is run by women and for women exclusively. A good friend of mine had to fight in court for years to get custody of his two daughters from his drug-abusing, heroin-addicted, convicted-felon ex-wife. **Then** the court wanted to penalize him for "waiting so long!!!"


          • I have no idea what this woman did or how. He seems to share just a little more info each time it comes up.
            He hasn't been allowed to see his kids in over 6 months.


            • I'm not making any implication that she "did" smth, I just mean with the ppwk or whatever agreement was put in place. He didn't agree to whatever is actually happening, that much I know. I don't know if she's breaking the agreement or whether the agreement mislead him. I'm making a presumption that he was mislead. He has/has had more than a couple lawyers trying to "fix this situation". His words.

              I haven't asked about the support he does/doesn't pay. He mentioned that he pays for their private education, and I know the cost of that particular school is high, and I am guessing her yearly salary is less than that tuition total. So, I'm sure he pays that.

              Remember, I barely know him...I'm not going to ask for his financials and all the deets just trying to piece this together. I'm speculating, troubleshooting.

              He did share more details about their split, or at least her personality and what caused them to call it quits. All his side of the story, obviously.
              He opened up to me quite a bit this weekend. We spent all weekend together basically. I could really see myself getting involved with him so I'm hoping there's no major deal breaker lurking somewhere. I've sniffed out all the major ones. This kid thing, so far, doesn't seem to be indicating "character issues" on his part, or some big flaw in his parenting that could indicate that he'd not be a good partner, and isn't a good Dad.

              He did tell me that he sees a therapist, which makes me feel good that he's working through his own issues, or at least trying-is self aware. The thought occurred to me that it could have been court ordered therapy so I asked how long he's seen the counselor, and he started going well before the separation, so...fwiw.

              I try not to analyze the life out of every conversation we have, but this weekend was revealing in many ways. I think we are an awesome match, and I want to just keep my eyes open before I get too involved.



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