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Am I a cheater?

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  • Am I a cheater?

    So me and my man decided to take a break this week. We have plans to go to his frat bros wedding tomorrow. I went out last night with an old guy friend who I've been attracted to since day one, vice versa. We ended up making out throughout the night. I feel pretty bad, but not that bad. I can't help but feel like he sorta asked for it, my guy I mean. We've been together for 6 months and he still can't give me the physical intimacy I need and want. I want to be a good person and enjoy that with the one I love...but I'm slipping away. I don't know what to do....

    I think it's time to tell my guy that I can't stay in the relationship without the physical intimacy and he knows how to get ahold of me when he decides he can give me all that I want. He says he wants to but it too scared to take the risk. The risk that it might be awkward or weird. And when I've told him how I feel he makes me feel like I'm some dirty who just wants to get it on 24/7.

    Ugh...I'm so sick of this....
    Maggie Anne

  • You said it better than I could have. If a physical relationship is important to you (as it is to a lot, but not all people), then you should not be in a relationship where you can't have that. If you read some of the other threads, you will find that problems like this often don't get better with time.

    Originally posted by maggieanne View Post
    I think it's time to tell my guy that I can't stay in the relationship without the physical intimacy and he knows how to get ahold of me when he decides he can give me all that I want.
    Ugh...I'm so sick of this....

    Comment


    • This reminds me of friends:

      "WE WERE ON A BREAK!"

      So if you ask Rachel, yes you cheated, if you ask Ross, you didn't.

      Sorry, I'll be serious again... Honestly, I think 'breaks' are 'break ups' and you both had the right to see other people.

      You know already that you need to talk to your partner about where this relationship is heading.

      Best of luck.

      Comment


      • It's just so hard. I want him to give me everything I need and want. I want it to be him...but I can't make him do it...even though he tells me he wants to and is ready. He has to do it on his own...I know that...and it sucks.

        My friend hates relationships. She calls them relations. Haha.

        In this instance, I would be ross and my man would be rachel...I think he'd think it was cheating.

        Blah...it doesn't help that I just got laid off today. And here I was working on towards a promotion. Lame! I'm so boozing tonight.
        Maggie Anne

        Comment


        • Originally posted by maggieanne View Post
          Lame! I'm so boozing tonight.

          I'd love to join you in your boozing... too bad I've got no booze here!!

          I really wish that there was something we could do to help you out more... I wish you the best of luck!

          Comment


          • Is he afraid of sex? Is the relationship good other than the no sex part? Is there any other intimacy? Does he give you a reason for not wanting to be physical?

            Comment


            • Originally posted by sourpuss View Post
              Is he afraid of sex? Is the relationship good other than the no sex part? Is there any other intimacy? Does he give you a reason for not wanting to be physical?
              Our relationship is really amazing minus the no sex part. When I practice ignoring that issue actively things are really great. If I let it come to mind again it gets difficult to deal with because I remember how attracted I am to him and how much I want him. There are some passionate kisses and many sweet, simple, heartfelt kisses. I sleep over about once a week. We're very loving toward each other. His "reason" and my interpretation (which could be a little off) is that he's afraid it will make things weird in our relationship. He's simply too afraid to take the necessary risk. It's sad that he doesn't realize it will most likely infuse our relationship with more love and passion. I do appreciate and admire that he cares so much about the relationship we have that he's avoiding this thing that he sees might ruin our relationship. I think I'm to the point where I can't talk to anyone else about it...this is really something I have to figure out on my own. Women are trypically supportive of continued patient with the issue as long as I still feel love and hope in him. And all the men I've talked to in my life say dump him...there are plenty of guys out there who can give you everything you want. My problem with that is I feel invested in my relationship with my man and feel like if we can get past this we will have a very powerful, strong relationship that would last a lifetime.
              Maggie Anne

              Comment


              • Maggie Anne
                I think I'm to the point where I can't talk to anyone else about it...this is really something I have to figure out on my own. Women are trypically supportive of continued patient with the issue as long as I still feel love and hope in him. And all the men I've talked to in my life say dump him...there are plenty of guys out there who can give you everything you want. My problem with that is I feel invested in my relationship with my man and feel like if we can get past this we will have a very powerful, strong relationship that would last a lifetime.
                No one, absolutely no one, knows him more than you do and know one, absolutely no one, knows you more than you do.

                Correct, women have emotions... So they will say, well if you love him. But, some have said, no way, there's an issue there. And, men will say, leave him, but again, some have said, well keep trying...

                Basic fact, communication... Tell him once and for all.... What you feel inside, how you feel about him, what you need as a woman, what may happen if you felt neglected and un-loved.

                Let him see it like "cards spread out on a table".... in steps, from A-Z

                What else can you do?

                At least you've given your all..

                And, that's all you can give.

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • So true. I'm getting there. Telling him once and for all how I feel and what my needs are hasn't worked. That's what I a week ago and sh**t hit the fan. I have to ease him into the understanding of the way I feel about him and why I feel the way I feel about our "sex life"...or the lack thereof. ;-) It seems to be working. It's a rollercoaster, but for now I have to stop talking about it with other people. It doesn't do much good. I have to talk to myself and deal with it that way.
                  Maggie Anne

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by maggieanne View Post
                    So true. I'm getting there. Telling him once and for all how I feel and what my needs are hasn't worked. That's what I a week ago and sh**t hit the fan. I have to ease him into the understanding of the way I feel about him and why I feel the way I feel about our "sex life"...or the lack thereof. ;-) It seems to be working. It's a rollercoaster, but for now I have to stop talking about it with other people. It doesn't do much good. I have to talk to myself and deal with it that way.
                    I do agree with your last line, because confusion sets in with "opinions" of people, hense, why i said "no one knows etc".....

                    I also know you did, and that the text message worked, and that take your time was my suggestion...

                    So, close the thread hey~~~~ xx

                    CW
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • As far as the cheating thing, I don't see this as cheating
                      If you guys are on a break, something has to be out of the ordinary or else you wouldn't be on a break, you'd still be dating. And a break is universally seen as just that, which means you are in essence...free, for the time being.

                      My advice as far as not getting the physical intimacy you long for with him is: I think you should do just what you suggested yourself. If I were you and if this was a big issue for me and tended to always creep up and bother me even when things were going great, I would just lay it out flat and tell him, you know, this is just something I'm looking for right now, something I need right now to be satisfied in my relationship, and seeing as you're not ready for it, maybe we can go our own separate ways and I can give you a chance to get more comfortable with it or something, then when you feel ready give me a call and depending on the circumstances, we can give it another shot.

                      It is rather unusual for the guy to be the one wanting to wait, so this may be a security issue or something of the sort. If he hasn't given in by now, what's it going to take?

                      Comment

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