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    Maybe I don't know how dating is supposed to work but I started seeing someone about 2 months ago. Its been amazing, I have never felt such a good connection, when I am with him everything feels right. Unfortunately I also feel that I cannot trust him and that I am becoming a crazy woman trying to understand what he wants or what he is feeling. We go though a good few days and then we don't talk for a few - which is fine BUT what I don't understand is when I text him to see if he wants to meet up later he just doesn't reply unless he wants to meet up. Maybe he feels that he can't say no to me but its very frustrating to get just no response. I know I need to talk to him about this but I also don't want to come off too strong since we have only been dating for a little bit. I think the problem is more that I want more from the relationship while he is happy with the way it is. I just want someone I can count on, maybe that is too much to ask after only 2 months of dating though...

    Any advice is appreciated
    Last edited by Ashlee T.; 08-08-2018, 07:58 AM.

  • I don't know how dating is "supposed to work" either.
    But what I do know is that nothing is solved by avoiding communication. After 2 months, it's not unreasonable to have some level of expectations with him.

    The discussion doesn't have to be contentious and demanding, just ask him what he wants, what he sees is happening here and listen to his answers very closely.
    If it's not going down the path you would like, tap out and move on.

    There's nothing wrong with making sure you aren't wasting your time. If you are interested in something more, then discuss that with him. It would appear that he isn't on the same page.

    Give us an update on it. Good luck!
    Last edited by atskitty2; 08-05-2018, 11:28 AM.


    • I think you're settling for second best: I write this because you don't know when he'll turn up or reply to your texts. From what I can tell from your post, he doesn't bother contacting you much at all. Is that a partner you really want? I think you should cut your losses and move on. You deserve way better and giving him chance after chance won't work. He isn't right for you: even though you seemed to click emotionally. That is what makes it so difficult: you know he's a great guy, but he seldom gets in touch. That wouldn't sit right with me. No: I'd move on in the dating game.


      • Thanks for the advice everyone! I think your right Popcorn&Candy. I asked him to meet up so we could talk and he never responded. The next day I finally said I was confused and that he needed to let me know what was going on with him. He replied by telling me that he has been depressed the last couple of weeks and it had nothing to do with me - "its just hard". He told me once before that he has struggled with depression but I didn't think it would mean he would completely shut me out. I tried to understand and told him id like to meet up and talk about it. Iv tried to reach out three times now in the last 4 days since he sent me that text and he won't respond, even though I know he has read them. At this point I think I should move on, its just so upsetting to be so excited and happy with someone and all of a sudden they become a different person. Maybe I would try to make our relationship work if he tried to communicate with me but I feel like I'm out of options. My last text even said tell me if you want to break it off so that I can deal with it, but he still hasn't responded after 2 days. Part of me is worried and feels bad but I have no idea what I should do in a situation like this.


        • He is not reciprocating with what you need and it is causing you to feel insecure and rejected. I believe you are confusing those feelings with feelings of great desire to be with him. It is easy to confuse wanting to be wanted with desire for the actual person. When he doesn't respond you begin to doubt yourself, wonder why he's not responding, wonder why you aren't enough to get him to even want to communicate with you. While you haven't mentioned it, I'm guessing you are being sexually intimate with him? And that is only making your insecurity worse because you've shared this intimate part of yourself with him and he's just sort of treating you like he could take it or leave it. It also sounds like he only contacts you when he wants to "meet up". All of this is leaving you feeling inadequate, like you're not enough for him, like he's a catch that needs to be chased. Think about it....is this your feelings for him talking or your desire to be wanted by him?

          He doesn't sound like a catch. It sounds to me like he's helping you dodge a bullet (him). Move on girl.

          "Be what you're looking for."


          • I agree with Beautiful Disaster's post. I could not have put it better myself. Definitely move on: you deserve the best in life. Never settle for second best.


            • Sounds like he has his own issues to work out. I'd just move on. No answer from him IS, in fact, an answer. Time to move on.


              • How have things panned out, swimmingaway? I hope you're happy now: whether in the same relationship [for lack of a better word] or not.


                • Mary has a point: you can't wait for one person all your life. Maybe it is time to move on. But only you can decide whether to do so. Just trust your decisions: even if it is painful at first. I hope you are happy now, though.


                  • The 'net has drastically changed dating. Men no longer have to court women. There are too many women who'll submit to behavior (sexual advances) that they'd otherwise shun. Men know that if a woman's morals prevent her from acquiescing to his desires, he'll move on to the next. Hence, many women feel pressured to give it up in order to keep a man. Sex might get a man, but it'll never keep a man.

                    I don't like contemporary dating.


                    • I generally agree with you WR. Tho, I don't feel pressured to do anything to keep a man. If he wants to go because I didn't give it up as soon as he wanted, good riddance. I see it in my friends a lot tho.


                      • You're right, WaveRider.



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