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Is he playing?? Feeling confused and heartbroken

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  • Is he playing?? Feeling confused and heartbroken

    This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don’t get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

    Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we’ve been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I’m a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

    We’ve had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago…he ghosted me for a short while…and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven’t heard from since, and he’s been ignoring my texts… I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling…the other to wish him a good day ahead.

    Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks… then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

    Last week he had about 2 guys over for company…or so I thought… I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then…in which he never responded.that day…not even to tell me he’s busy…

    I thought that was strange because he’s always asking to spend more time with me…even if it’s a quick hug… He has left company before to see me for a hug.

    I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out…

    He swears that there are no other women…

    During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.

    Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

    Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all???

  • Ghosting for days is def a red flag. It takes less than a minute to return a text.
    I’m sorry to be blunt, but we make time for the things that matter. It doesn’t appear that he’s willing to make time for you.


    • I would consider any ghosting a red flag. The first part of a relationship, where you are getting to know the other person, should be a time to find time to communicate. I did that even with long distance relationships.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


      • I agree with jns brother.



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