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  • my future...

    ok, here is my story.
    i've been dating this guy for a bit, i really like him, but he is a drinker. normally i would just walk away and thats that. but with him, he is a hard worker, makes great money, has his finances in order ( i mean really in order) he has no debt. so i'm ok with drinking being his only downfall for now.
    the prob is he lives in alabama, i live in wisconsin, he is up here for work til the end of summer. so if things work out this summer, i think he might ask me to move with him...
    i have my own home but i wouldnt sell it. so i would have to work that out so i could keep it.
    my question is...should i move with him? or just take it as a summer fling and nothing more. i know he really likes me, he keeps bringing up how much i would like it back where he lives.

    i'm the kind of person that is afraid to do this, but what have i got to lose? i think i should take the chance and explore, even if it didnt work, it would be a great adventure.

    what do you gals think??
    Smile...it's not so bad.

  • lovemyself1
    i'm the kind of person that is afraid to do this, but what have i got to lose? i think i should take the chance and explore, even if it didnt work, it would be a great adventure.
    THINK you answered your own question..

    What do you have to lose? You have your house to come back to, and if you like him as well, then you'll have more than an adventure...

    I'd go for it.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • I think that your potential man being financially secure should take a back seat to a personal connection, love/relationships aren't contracts to get you the best pay. If you don't like him drinking, then it's best that you get out of his way, the last thing a guy wants to put up with is his woman nagging him about one of the few things he actually enjoys - that, in the end, will lead to the relationship becoming untennable, and it will end. Better now than later.

      Comment


      • The drinking seems an issue. /is it very excessive and what does he do when he drinks? My partner works away and when he is home he likes to drink as he doesn't get the chance when away. He does drink every day but is good natured and doesn't make bad choices like drink and drive or getting really drunk. This is ok for me as it is his down time thing, but you needd to decide if it is ok for you!!! It is unreasonable for you to think that it will change unless he wants to so is it something you can live with. It sounds like he makes good choices in the other areas of his life.
        I would go and have an adventure but may be wise to have a plan B.

        Good luck
        tt

        Comment


        • The only positive I see you mention is that he has money. There are a lot of men that fit that bill that are not drinkers. You don't say that you feel a special attraction for him, or that he is good to you (maybe he is).

          Comment


          • Seeing that I am more familiar than anyone here with Wisconsin, and am able to compare this State to Alabama, I would say stay right where you are...We have traveled extensively throughout the United States, and down South is far from my favorite place...But this is just my opinion....I would not move there for anything....Period..

            Now for the drinking....This is a problem...Bigger than big...He shows all the signs of an alcoholic....The only thing that had not been said until now was the word....Alcoholic......

            Take care, Caroline

            Comment


            • Originally posted by CarolineWH View Post
              Now for the drinking....This is a problem...Bigger than big...He shows all the signs of an alcoholic....
              He shows all the signs of being an alcoholic? All she said about him "drinking" was this:
              Originally posted by lovemyself1
              ...but he is a drinker...
              Which could mean nothing more than he likes a couple of beers after work, which is nothing like alcoholism, so I think you're building rather large assumptions here. Anywhere outside the bible belt a glass of wine with dinner doesn't mean alcoholism..

              Comment


              • Originally posted by anonymouswhitefemale View Post
                He shows all the signs of being an alcoholic? All she said about him "drinking" was this:

                Which could mean nothing more than he likes a couple of beers after work, which is nothing like alcoholism, so I think you're building rather large assumptions here. Anywhere outside the bible belt a glass of wine with dinner doesn't mean alcoholism..
                When someone has to have a turn on such as alcholol to relax, it is a problem...I am far from the bible belt...I have had my share of hang overs and know what drinking is....Probably more than anyone as I lived with someone like this in my family as I grew up...

                Then there are the people that look for excuses to drink and smoke weed and weak things as a defensive motive in life...There are the strong and there are the weak....This is not a good thing...

                Comment


                • I don't really think this is a debate for here, especially as the generation gap will just mean that we both get frustrated and don't fully understand each other.

                  However, I will vehemently disagree that anyone who has a drink or a smoke or a snort or whatever is a weak person. For example, English culture has pretty much been built on beer, and we had one of the greatest empires ever. It's common behaviour for people in England to go the pub after work to forget the worries of the day and relax doing something you enjoy... Does that mean everyone in England is weak?

                  People have things that they like to do to enjoy themselves, it's that simple.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by CarolineWH View Post
                    When someone has to have a turn on such as alcholol to relax, it is a problem...I am far from the bible belt...I have had my share of hang overs and know what drinking is....Probably more than anyone as I lived with someone like this in my family as I grew up...

                    Then there are the people that look for excuses to drink and smoke weed and weak things as a defensive motive in life...There are the strong and there are the weak....This is not a good thing...

                    I feel that is a rather narrow opinion. For factual information about alcoholism and it's medical definition and symptoms/signs:

                    Early Signs of a Problem
                    Early signs of alcoholism include frequent intoxication, an established pattern of heavy drinking and drinking in dangerous situations, such as when driving. Other early signs of alcoholism include black-out drinking or a drastic change in demeanor while drinking, such as consistently becoming angry or violent.

                    Symptoms of Alcohol Abuse
                    The main symptom of alcohol abuse occurs when someone continues to drink after their drinking reaches a level that causes recurrent problems. Continuing to drink after it causes someone to miss work, drive drunk, shirk responsibilities or get in trouble with the law is considered alcohol abuse.

                    The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, IV, defines alcohol abuse as drinking despite alcohol-related physical, social, psychological, or occupational problems, or drinking in dangerous situations, such as while driving. The World Health Organization's International Classification of Diseases refers to "harmful use" of alcohol, or drinking that causes either physical or mental damage in the absence of alcohol dependence. In other words, alcohol abuse is any harmful use of alcohol.

                    Symptoms of Alcoholism
                    For someone who is alcoholic or alcohol dependent, the symptoms include all of those associated with alcohol abuse (above). But alcoholics also continue to drink in spite of all the problems it has caused in their lives.

                    When alcohol abuse reaches the alcohol dependence stage, the person also experiences at least three of seven other symptoms, including neglect of other activities, excessive use of alcohol, impaired control of alcohol consumption, persistence of alcohol use, large amounts of time spent in alcohol-related activities, withdrawal symptoms and tolerance of alcohol.
                    From what the OP wrote about this person, it sounds like he is rather responsible and has his life in order. I think it is unfair to assume that he is an alcoholic.

                    The main thing that sticks out of the OP is that she has no mention of how SHE feels about HIM. Sounds like there isn't any emotional involvement and she's hoping for some fun on his tab.
                    "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."
                    -George Carlin

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Nerd View Post
                      I feel that is a rather narrow opinion. For factual information about alcoholism and it's medical definition and symptoms/signs:

                      From what the OP wrote about this person, it sounds like he is rather responsible and has his life in order. I think it is unfair to assume that he is an alcoholic.

                      The main thing that sticks out of the OP is that she has no mention of how SHE feels about HIM. Sounds like there isn't any emotional involvement and she's hoping for some fun on his tab.
                      She brought this problem forward...She is afraid because he is a drinker...Is he a social drinker or a casual drinker?...Why does she worry? Does this happen every night or just once in a while? A person can be an alcoholic when he only does this on weekends? He can wait all week long to get his fix...If there is one thing I know it is alcoholism....Comes with many faces...Destroyer of lives...I am saying things that this woman has to look for....She is talking about going out of State with a man who she loves but she is seeing the sign of caution in front of her...I would be neglect to shut my mouth and say nothing...So I won't...I am not on here to make friends but to make a point....That is just the way I live.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by CarolineWH View Post
                        She brought this problem forward...She is afraid because he is a drinker...Is he a social drinker or a casual drinker?...Why does she worry? Does this happen every night or just once in a while? A person can be an alcoholic when he only does this on weekends? He can wait all week long to get his fix...If there is one thing I know it is alcoholism....Comes with many faces...Destroyer of lives...I am saying things that this woman has to look for....She is talking about going out of State with a man who she loves but she is seeing the sign of caution in front of her...I would be neglect to shut my mouth and say nothing...So I won't...I am not on here to make friends but to make a point....That is just the way I live.
                        She mentioned that he drunk, but didn't explain at all to what extent that was... Without the OP coming back and explaining further, which I doubt will happen since we pretty much all called her a prostitute, we will never know.

                        And no, a person who only drinks on weekends is 99% likely not an alcoholic. I have no problems with saying what you think, but you're jumping to conclusions from basically no information, and coming across a little ignorant at the same time. I would be neglect not to say that I think you are being over the top, because if the OP read what you had written and always believed what she read, she might be causing problems with herself and somebody else for no reason whatsoever.

                        Comment


                        • Nerd:
                          i'm not looking to have fun on his tab...i dont need a man to take care of me. i'm a single woman that has a great career and i own my own home. i'm just looking to have fun in general.

                          CarolineWH: i worry cuz my ex husband was a drinker. not to the point of being an alcoholic but to the point of where it effected our relationship. this new guy knows how i feel about the drinking, but i'm not asking him to change anything about himself at this point. i do really care for him. when he does drink or get drunk, he is happy, funny, not violent or anything like that. i understand what you are saying and i appreciate your advise...i really do. i'm just wondering if this is my time to just do something a little crazy, but still have a plan B. i dont plan on like selling my home or anything like that.

                          anon: why would i think you people think i'm a prostitute? i know i'm not...i'm in a relationship, and i'm asking for advise. some is great and some people here are just mean and quick to judge. i liked this site cuz it felt like a place where noone would judge you when you have a problem, or concern. my opinion is changing quickly though.

                          thank you to those that actually tried to help and offered good advice.
                          Smile...it's not so bad.

                          Comment


                          • Tracie, if you come back AND you should...

                            I took the attitude you did... I was in what i thought and called, "a relationship", long distance.

                            I work, own my own business and house as well....

                            And, i took a gamble - have fun?WORSE scenario or enter phase two, no expectations.

                            My gamble paid of, i had FUN and then some and i am entering phase two....

                            Hense why i said, go for it, you have nothing to lose, you have your house to come back to.

                            If my guy said, bugger it, come and live here... I'd sell my house, lease my business and go...

                            Because, i've nothing to lose... neither do you...

                            You were sharing your feelings and thoughts, mentioned he was financially secure but in a context that also added that you liked him, he seems to maybe want to ask you to live with him, you are financially secure you own your own home...

                            Nothing wrong with going in with an open mind, this will work, or i'll have fun and why not i deserve it.

                            You should see how i interperate sometimes, it usually is so much clearer when a threader replies and adds more

                            It's good here... Stay....

                            And go............................enjoy.

                            If he's a happy man drunk and with a drink, then he's not like your ex, assuming he wasn't.

                            I have a drink after work as i work 24/7 including here... lol... all in all, many hours... It's relaxing.

                            Take Care....

                            CW
                            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by lovemyself1 View Post
                              anon: why would i think you people think i'm a prostitute?a great career and i own my own home. i'm just looking to have fun in general.
                              People basically thought that because of perhaps 4 nice things you had to say about this guy three of them were that he was rich. It's good that you aren't just after his money, but reread your first post and you'll see why we all assumed you were...

                              Originally posted by lovemyself1 View Post
                              but i'm not asking him to change anything about himself at this point.
                              I'm not sure if that's the best way to get into a relationship. Are you just going to try to get into a position where you feel you have more power over him and then try to get him to give up alcohol? Men don't like to be changed. You need to think about whether you can deal with it now, without getting into the relationship thinking that you can just 'change' it later.

                              Comment

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