[Wednesday L.F.]

It depends on where you go online. FB requires name verification, many dating sites do too.

But as I met my husband online, I probably have a bias.

[MeLuvCookies]

The only place that I see people trying to pick each other up that annoys me is the gym. And that is just because they get in my way. Like can you please stop trying to get some strange and get off the machine already. Some of us have limited time and things to do. Stop treating the gym like a singles bar or at least move out the way.

[Alison H.]

I haven't been in the dating pool for a very long time (half my life at this point...) but I've witnessed would-be "meet-cutes" in the store or just around town in general, and get to hear stories from my kids too. I think going up and talking to someone makes a lot of sense when a person is at a place designed for socialization: a bar, club, concert, skating rink, event of some kind like a party or even a nonprofit dinner event kind of thing.

But places designed for *things*, like a grocery store (getting food), a gym (working out), or a library (reading/research), it's almost a little intrusive to approach someone out of the blue like that. A person goes there for one thing primarily, and that's a them-thing... something they need or want or have to get done.

This might just be the way my brain is wired, but when I go to the store, I'm there for supplies. I'm not in the head-space to make conversation with random people beyond "hi" or helping someone if they have a question. (I must have an energy in the store... LOL. Or maybe I look like an employee, because folks ask me about if I've tried this thing or that thing, or if I know where X is.)

People tend to look their best and/or feel more approachable in situations that are meant to be social, if that makes sense? So catching them "off guard" in non-primarily-social situations by approaching them, can be a little off-putting, I think.

[Birdie_567]

I definitely empathize with both perspectives here.

As a woman, I generally feel happy when another woman I don't know approaches me. But if it's a man, especially someone quite a bit older than me, my initial reaction is often to be on guard. I don't like that it's my instinct, but it's there.

Growing up, I had too many experiences that taught me to be cautious. Men blocked me in on the bus to be creepy, someone spiked my drink at work, I was stalked, and I've had plenty of other uncomfortable encounters. Those experiences leave a mark, whether you want them to or not.

The unfortunate part is that I know the overwhelming majority of men would never dream of doing anything remotely like that. I hate that those bad experiences bleed into how I see the world because I don't think it's fair to the genuinely kind, respectful men out there.

So for me, it's never been about thinking every man is dangerous. It's about the fact that, in the moment, I have no way of knowing which kind of stranger I'm dealing with. That's why context matters so much. In a social setting where people are there to meet others, I'm much more open. When I'm just trying to catch a bus or buy groceries, my guard is naturally a lot higher.

I can agree with the sentiment above that the approach as a whole matters a lot! Just recognize that most women have had unsavory encounters, and that it has nothing to do with you, and not a reflection of your character. Just something to be sensitive about as you plan your approach.

[JonnyR]

Well, funny enough, I've talked to a few people about this, and we've all had a laugh that on social media and in certain circles, women are coming clean about this and stating (some ironically or jokingly, some very seriously) that it all depends on the attraction level of the man!

In other words, if a HOT man (or one they are attracted to) approaches them, well now, that's a different story, and they don't mind being "bothered" at the gym...but if a regular schmo or unattractive man approaches them, they don't have the time for that.

As with all things, there are exceptions, but I often find that the most serious things are often said as a joke...