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I Need Girl Help

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  • I Need Girl Help

    (I'm a guy)
    SO i'm a guy, i have alot of freinds, and friends that are girls, but my problem is that i'm too nice and i can't seem to get asked out or find a girl in my age group. Thier always 10 years older then me. And recently i've started to watch alot of porn, i don't masturbate by the way so wat should i do, im a bit nervous.

  • Originally posted by Discostu55 View Post
    (I'm a guy)
    SO i'm a guy, i have alot of freinds, and friends that are girls, but my problem is that i'm too nice and i can't seem to get asked out or find a girl in my age group. Thier always 10 years older then me. And recently i've started to watch alot of porn, i don't masturbate by the way so wat should i do, im a bit nervous.
    Hi Discostu...

    Firstly, i am to assume that, you are saying your friends that are girls currently are 10 years older than you. If so, is this an attraction to you mentally, you may very well get on better with older girls for in-stance. I know of alot of guys that can't mix with girls their age, they find them to be intellectually not stimulating.

    Alternatively, as you are mixing with girls 10 years older than you, your not mingling with girls of your own age, so therefore, how can one ask you out in your age group..

    You have a choice there, to ask yourself, if you want to date girls your age, or prefer a more mature girl mentally. That's a start to answering.

    Porn and non-masterbation.

    Again, so what has attracted you to Porn? Conversations that your girlfriends have, that you are surrounded by maybe? Not for the purpose of masterbating but curiousity?

    And, finally, what do you mean by too nice. Do you feel shy? Not confident?

    Hard to answer you, perhaps you can add a bit further..

    Maybe your just a nice guy, J, who likes mature women, with inner childs, that of your age combined...



    • how old are you?


      • Hi I am also a junior member but I'm a girl so I hope I can help. =) When you say you are too nice a guy for your age group, what are you really saying? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Anyhow, if you want to date someone from your own age group you first have to make yourself dateable:

        1. Are you confident in who you are, how you look and how you act?
        2. Do you have a way to connect to those who you want to date (especially in your age group)? humor? hobby? life experience?
        3. Treat them as you want to be treated. You want respect? someone to listen to you? Someone who will be honest? well, so do they. Treat these girls you want to date as you want to be treated. Those are the big three things most teen girls seem to unconsciously use to decide if a guy is 'dateable' or not if they are looking for a real dating relationship. When I say most teen girls this generally seems to be true for majority of teen girls ages 14-20. It never hurts to flirt just don't make it painfully obvious.

        Hope this helps!


        • Be an arsehole.

          Say "No" if they ask you get them something.

          Pretend you don't like them.

          That might work, considering girls are stup1d when they're young. Well, not that boys aren't, but it's true to say that women don't learn the benefits of a nice guy until they grow up.


          • Disco stu55 here again,
            No, like i work with girls that ae older then me, and they seem to somehow get attracted to me, most of my freinds are int he same age group, but still, the closet i have ever gotten to a real date was going to a freinds house, and she was sitting up on my lap(kinda sad really) and i've tried beeing a jerk, after a while it wheres off and its not me. Confidence, yeah im proud of who i am, im athletic, i care about my self, i don't do drugs. I really don't no the problem, i just too nice, i won't swaer that much wont make fun of u or anytrhing bad.


            • Originally posted by sourpuss View Post
              how old are you?
              I'll put ti this way, i under 20


              • Originally posted by Discostu55 View Post
                I'll put ti this way, i under 20
                So 12?


                • Hey brother,

                  (I'm a guy too)

                  I got a couple of things to fix your problems. But just understand that there is no OVERNIGHT solution. It takes working on yourself and alot of critical analysis of your interactions to truely improve with women or anything in life for that matter, that said here are some things that I think will GREATLY help you.

                  There are some good books out there to give you a solid understanding of body-language, flirting and teasing and in general how to successfully approach and meet any woman you want to get to know better.

                  For body language ---> "The definitive book on body language BY Alan Pease"
                  For flirting ----> "David Deangelo's - Double your dating"
                  An interesting read, and an insight into the possibility for change ---> "the game by neil strauss"

                  AND A FORUM that I belong to. Which is all about social interactions and the finer details of attraction - Neil Strauss' Stylelife Academy - Dating Tips And Attraction Coaching For Men and click on the community button.

                  NOW... onto more imidiate things.

                  You say you are the typical nice guy but can't seem to get girls....

                  Well you just told me EVERYTHING I need to know as to why you are not attracting girls. You are TOO nice.... You can't bore a girl into feeling attraction for you, you have to be FUN, CONFIDENT and DIFFERENT from ALL THE OTHER GUYS...

                  I'm sure all the girls on here will agree with that. Why would a girl want a generic nice guy when she can be with a guy who teases her, takes her on spontaneous adventures and while he respects her, doesn't take her and instead acts like a man... These are usually the bad boys, the ones that girls chase because the can't have them and they hope to change them... You can make girls attracted to you like they are to "badboys" but without being an . You need to learn the art to flirting and that book I gave you is a good source.

                  Here's an example of a boring nice guy converstation that generates ZERO attraction:

                  Girl: So, what do you do for a living?
                  Guy: I'm an accountant, I'm hoping to get promoted to senior manager soon.
                  Girl: Oh.... cooll....

                  That is an example of a boring interaction.

                  Here is an example of the same question but generating a TON of attraction:

                  Girl: So, what do you do for a living?
                  Guy: OHHHH you're one of THOSE girls! Well it's too bad for you that I got a prenup but it's never going to work anyway, we'd just fight all the time and I'd win .
                  Girl: HHAHA helll no... you don't know who your messing with mister!
                  Guy: OH this one's fiesty! I'm sorry, I left my leash at home
                  Girl: **playful slap**
                  Guy: I met you 2 minutes ago and you're already touching me... Let's take thinks slow.

                  See the difference? There is chemistry and flirting going on in the second one. Why? It's playful, it's confident and best of all it's INTERESTING AND DIFFERENT.

                  So get to it man. You have the potential to find the woman of your dreams if you dedicate yourself to learning how to get her.

                  OH and the best advice of all. It to get out of the house, stop watching porn and go out and APPROACH REAL WOMEN. I know that as a guy in the beggining it can scare the ******** out of you... but eventually you will realise that you have absolutely nothing to lose.

                  Better to try and fail then to NEVER try at all... All guys that are good with women got good by approaching and talking to them.

                  A simple introduction to any group of girls ---> "You guys seem like fun, I had to come over and say hi"

                  ALL THE BEST
                  Last edited by Fallen1; 08-12-2008, 06:39 AM. Reason: Remove outbound link

                  Known by all for his rugged good looks, irresistable charm and GREATEST of all... His incredible MODESTY


                  • Disagree With This Advice

                    Disco, I typically agree with much of the advice given on this site, but I have to disagree.. actualy, I completely disagree with some of the advice given to you.
                    First of all.. you should always, ALWAYS, be yourself! This does not mean that you should not try to grow as a person or develop new skills or break bad habits. However, if you are a nice guy, who treats people respectfully, do not change who you are.. not ever.. not for anyone! The right girl will come along one day (sadly that day might be 10yrs from now, or it might be tomorrow) but she will fall in love with you for who you are, she will accept and tolerate your faults. She will admire and respect your qualities. How is that girl ever going to find her complimenting personality (thats you!) if its disguised as something else?! Honestly, about the worst advice Ive ever heard is to tell someone to act like something theyre not. This is bad advice for so many reasons:
                    Youre denying yourself to be who you are and be the person your comfortable being, and because;
                    You are lying to your potential date;
                    The "real" you will ALWAYS come out eventually and your girl may not like that person!.. this is why so many marraiges and relationships fail. People dont show their true colors until its too late.

                    I am most willing to agree that you should "put yourself out there" and take chances and do something youve never done before and be adventurous, but do not present a fake personality (there is a big difference here, I hope you see.)

                    You are a young, obviously a sweet and caring young man who WILL find someone in good time. You will make her happy, and she will reciprocate and it will be the best thing youve ever felt.. and even better.. it will be real! because you were real!

                    Best wishes to you, be patient, be yourself
                    "to thine own self be true" - WS


                    • Originally posted by Discostu55 View Post
                      I'll put ti this way, i under 20
                      LOL. If you can't be yourself enough to admit your age on an anonymous forum, I'm not surprised you might be having trouble attracting the ladies.

                      Seriously. Just be yourself. Teenagers are harsh. Just be natural. And don't wait for the girls to ask you out. If you think you like a girl, try to get to know her more are friends first, and then see if it develops into more.
                      Well some people say that you shouldn't tempt fate, and for them I can not disagree. But I never learned nothing from playing it safe; I say fate should not tempt me. I take my chances.


                      • my advice to you would be worry about self development and the rest will fall into place. Go get a hobby one you have always wanted to try but haven't............ maybe the right girl is there or whoever will hook you up to the right girl. Making new friends is always a great way for self development and new hook ups.

                        Ya know if you are developing your own life and become happy with you eventually you will hook up with Ms right or atleast Ms. right now. Life is short have fun discover who you are.

                        good luck!


                        • Disco Stu, this is your boy OG here. Let me put it to you like this. You're 18 or 19 years old and you don't know who you are yet. That's fine. I'm 26 and I didn't discover who I actually was until about 2 years ago. You're still young and you're going to make mistakes. Everyone does. But now is the time to put in that soul-searching effort to discover what makes you tick. What's your passion in life? What's your calling? What is it that you want to do more than anything else?

                          A few years ago I found out that my decade long curiosity in hypnosis translated in to working parties while I was in the Air Force. I found out, after testifying at a friend's Court-Martial, that I have a passion for law. Unfortunately I can't afford to go to college so I'm trying to get back in to Active Duty Air Force to get that started.

                          One thing that might be holding you back from getting what you want in life, and this is purely speculation... is if you're still a virgin. If you are it's nothing to be "ashamed" of. I was close to 19 when I lost mine. But once you have sex for the first time, you'll find things with women easier. You'll be a little more confident because you won't have that self-inflicted psychological disadvantage of "being a virgin" hanging over your head anymore.

                          And if you're not, then disregard that last paragraph.

                          But you remind me a lot of myself when I was your age. Except I never got off on porn. And there's no shame in jerkin' it. Honestly. If you go for too long without that release you can cause problems down in that area. Nothing long-lasting or permanent, but complications can occur.

                          You said you're proud, but what is your self-esteem like? Where is your self-confidence at? If these things aren't in check, then you'll never fully progress to where you want to be at in life. And that is something I've learned after I got in to hypnosis and started helpin' guys just like yourself.

                          It's not about "changing" yourself. It's about discovering who you are, at a fundamental level, and building upon that. Just like Rapid '87, I'm a pickup artist who volunteers his time on a particular forum board dedicated to this kind of stuff. If you're interested in taking control of your love life, then drop me a message and I can help you along on your journey of self-discovery and improvement.

                          Through hypnosis, I create confident men and women to succeed in all facets of their lives. This place will soon get very interesting!


                          • And brother, take it from me, OG KNOWS what he's talking about when it comes to relationship advice, he has insights that are rare amongst guys so value EVERY word he says.

                            That said... I don't think that "being yourself" is helpful advice. After all, you HAVE been doing that and look where it has gotten you...

                            I can relate to you though, about two years ago I have NO CLUE when it came to girls, BUT like anything in life, one can learn the social arts though ALOT of trail and error and I mean ALOT. I would go out 3 sometimes 4 times a week, willing to face rejection after rejection, knowing that eventually I would understand what I was doing wrong and WHAT I should be doing...

                            Well... turns out that I wasn't showing people who I TRUELY am deep down. "being myself" infront of people was different to how I was with my closest friends and when I'm on my own... I would try an impress them... which was destructive, it automatically assumed that everyone used to be more valuable than me.

                            I'm willing to guess that when you go out, you wish girls would see you for what your like with your friends and NOT actually the way you are with them. If that is the case, I advise YOU DO take OGs advice. We are social artists, that willingly dedicate our time to helping other men achieve the exact same thing you are seeking to achieve ---> and that is SHOWING your BEST SELF 100% of the time, which you are not doing.

                            Think of this scenario. You go to a bar and you see a guy sitting there on his own, in the corner, trying to act cool but you can see that deep down, he is lonly, low self esteeem and JUST hoping that MABE some magical thing will happen and the girl of his dreams is going to approach him and they will live happily ever after... It just never happens... He's shy... So he is polite and very straight with everyone...

                            Now think about that exact same guy, WITH A TON OF CONFIDENCE. Not so quiet anymore hey? Now he is teasing girls, busting their balls and they are both loving every minute of it. His TRUE self is revealing itself rather than a safe social mask.

                            You can learn how to do this too. OG, myself and MANYYYYYYYY other guys have OR are on the road to better themselves socially and as a result the others around them.

                            Take a chance. I dare you

                            Known by all for his rugged good looks, irresistable charm and GREATEST of all... His incredible MODESTY


                            • The road to recovery is long and arduous at times, but it is worth it. I may not be getting laid every night, maybe not every week, but I am improving myself as a person.
                              For me however, my history that links us is only 6 months old. At the start of this year I could hardly muster the courage to talk to a girl, let alone a stranger. Now, things are changing, gears have started to turn and I am seeing social interaction in a whole different light. I am making friends I never would have had before and I am loving life to it's fullest.

                              Being myself was good, but I had to adjust it. I respect everyone and everything; as a result, I have not changed who I am on the inside, I just understand HOW to care for and respect others.

                              Take for example, I am much much closer to my family than I have ever been before, yet I live the furthest distance away from them that I ever have. Both of my parents live out of country, my brother lives out of province and my grandparents too. I am making monthly trips to visit my brother, visit friends etc. I hadn't seen my grandparents in about 2 years, and even then it was a short visit. In less than a week I am going to visit my grandfather for his 81st birthday and he lives more than a 20 hour drive away.

                              These are all changes in my life that have come from my willingness to adjust my personality and searching life to really discover what I want from it. But it was not a passive change; I had to want it, and I did.

                              "Do it and it will be done" -OG



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