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Not HAving Sex>>>

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  • Not HAving Sex>>>

    I decided about a year and a half ago to stop having sex until I met someone worth giving it to. I would like to wait for marriage. My issue is that of course guys can not handle this. I am always up front about this and even the ones that say oh I can respect that the next thing out of their mouths is I want you. Is it at all possible to date a guy and get to know him before sex comes into play? If any guys is in the forum I would love to hear from you too.

  • Hi Altenese. What you're suggesting is extremely difficult to pull off. I for one (as a guy) had sex with EVERY single girl who would have me when I was in my younger (high school and college) days.

    When I met my wife, she, quite like yourself, wanted to save herself for marriage. It worked for us, with a couple of caveats. We DID stuff. We didn't have full-on sex (as in intercourse) but we did have a lot of fun.

    I think part of the reason this worked for us was that I was literally satiated with sex and from many different women. Also, make no mistake about it, I wanted my her...but I did and was able to respect her wishes.

    My question to you is what makes you think that these guys aren't worthy? I'll pose it to you another way. If you don't give a relationship your "ALL", then what makes you think that some guy will give it his "ALL"? The reason I ask the question this way is because I had several relationships after having been "burned" by women, where I just really didn't treat women like "potential lifelong partners". I feel now, that because I didn't treat them that way, there was a predisposed notion that they WEREN'T lifelong partners.

    Beating around the bush sufficiently to just "state the hypothesis", I think if you want a relationship that's worthy of "giving your all", you have to "give your all" to find it. It's too bad that sometimes you have to put it out there to the wrong person, but hopefully the next one you meet will be the right one and this will be a moot point.

    It did work with me to wait until we were married and have sex, but that was a long time ago. I'm sure it happens nowadays, but I can't guarantee you that even I would have the fortitude to do this again if I were to somehow find myself single all over again.

    Good luck. Main thing is I hope you find what you're looking for. Just be sure that you don't short-change yourself by foregoing a lot of fun you could be having for YOU. Let's hope your next guy is your last guy!

    Cheers.

    Comment


    • (I'm a guy). This may be getting off topic, but there are many posts on this board about couples with incompatible sexual interests. In addition to the obvious short term desire many men (and women) have to have sex with their partners, maybe there is some reason not to wait for marriage .

      That said, there isn't any reson to rush into it either. There are some men (but not all) who are happy to wait a long time before the relationship becomes physical. Longer before there is actual "sex" (depending on your definition).

      Comment


      • Originally posted by altenese2000 View Post
        I decided about a year and a half ago to stop having sex until I met someone worth giving it to. I would like to wait for marriage. My issue is that of course guys can not handle this. I am always up front about this and even the ones that say oh I can respect that the next thing out of their mouths is I want you. Is it at all possible to date a guy and get to know him before sex comes into play? If any guys is in the forum I would love to hear from you too.
        I laughed for a moment because one of the things that first came to mind was that they must be good in bed to be worthy which of course doesn't work unless they have some sort of sexual resume.
        "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." ~ Janis Joplin

        Comment


        • I totally respect what you're doing, if only more were like you. But I jus don't see how you marry some1 without testin the product (unless there's a dowry involved....) lol

          Comment


          • I certainly wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't have sex before marriage.

            Sex is a very important part of a relationship, and you need to know that it will be satisfying. If sex drives differ, or someone's a total prude - the relationship will seriously suffer. Sure, I'd wait a while, but marriage? That's like signing a contract that hasn't fninished being written yet. Ah, I'll just add the "you owe me powers of attourney" clause....

            Comment


            • To have sex or not to have sex is a personal decision and to whatever your motives, doesn't matter. It is your choice. But no most guys, not all, but most are not going to be satisfied with it. But who cares. You don't want to have sex, good for you.


              While I believe that people should experience all that life can offer, I personally view sex should be approached responsibly. So humping everything in sight to me is stup**d.
              sigpic

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Davey View Post
                I totally respect what you're doing, if only more were like you.
                Pfft, yea great idea... lets wait to have sex before we are married, then lets get married and have a shocking sex life.

                Personally, sex is an important factor within my relationships... maybe that makes me shallow, but i couldnt marry someone without knowing if they are going to satisfy me sexually.

                I dont understand this decision at all, youve had sex before with random guys, so why the sudden change of heart?

                Originally posted by miffed23 View Post
                Personally, sex is an important factor within my relationships....
                To clarify (moreso for my own reputation than anything else) i DONT have lots of realtionship's' going on....

                ....lalala, digging holes.... lalalala
                Last edited by Fallen1; 08-11-2008, 01:32 PM. Reason: Merge posts

                Comment


                • Sorry mildred .... I merged your posts and now it looks silly with you quoting yourself.
                  There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                  Comment


                  • I'm a guy and these are my thoughts on witholding sex. I think there is one main problem in the way you view sex. You are looking at sex as something that the woman gives and the man takes from her. Sex should be viewed as something that two people share together. I want you to really think about this for a second. Deep down, do you view sex as something that you are giving, or something that you two are sharing together? The problem with most "wussy" men is that they don't get sex and therefore view it as a gift, which reinforces that way of thinking in your mind. However when you find a real man who can "share" sex with you then you can both be more physically and emotionally fulfilled in sex.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Speed View Post
                      I'm a guy and these are my thoughts on witholding sex. I think there is one main problem in the way you view sex. You are looking at sex as something that the woman gives and the man takes from her. Sex should be viewed as something that two people share together. I want you to really think about this for a second. Deep down, do you view sex as something that you are giving, or something that you two are sharing together? The problem with most "wussy" men is that they don't get sex and therefore view it as a gift, which reinforces that way of thinking in your mind. However when you find a real man who can "share" sex with you then you can both be more physically and emotionally fulfilled in sex.
                      I don't think that is the case at all. There are women who want a relationship and not a one night stand or a purely sexual relationship, while there are men out there that are willing to say and do anything to get into a woman's pants. By someone announcing they are not intrested in sex they are able to weed out the guys that are not ready for the emotional commitment.

                      In the end some women just don't want to feel used.
                      sigpic

                      Comment


                      • So, a born again Virgin... I can get that..

                        Here's one to another.....

                        I separated 15 months ago, and decided that i would also "hold" for the next "right" man? WT?

                        Seriously... I think what you are searching for is that you want the next guy in your life to understand and realise that you don't "give it up" easily. That you can state to him, I haven't had sex for........months, but I've dated heeps... A kind of "good girl" approach so that you are respected by him.

                        Here's the thing.

                        It is respected for sure. And, the guy you want to be with, probably wants you to be somewhat knowledgeable and somewhat nieve so he can teach a bit too, pending on how old you are off course, but i think all guys like to be first at a few things with their long term relationship, whilst sharing as well experiences.

                        As long as you respect yourself, it doesn't really matter what you do, in that department..

                        Frankly, I'm not waiting too much longer..... I"m dying here, haha.

                        But, I can truly say to the next relationship, that I didn't have sex after i broke off with my husband, for 12 months ( as i did communicate with someone for 6 months) and did meet up eventually in that department.

                        That's all that new man needs to know. That you don't give it easily.

                        You live once and you can't go through it feeling you owe something to the next man, rather have morals and respect but be you and do what you want.

                        Guys respect a lady.. They respect one that doesn't put out for a few dates and then does because she wants to be intimate with that person and the relationship is heading somewhere. They know who is a ... and who is not, so don't expect a guy to sit back for years before marrying you and then be happy to do it, he will be happy to wait until your ready with him and still marry you.

                        And, soooo agree with the other posters as well... You can't marry these days and not have sexual relations i don't believe before hand because if your not compatible in that department together then your in big trouble as the time dwindles away and there is no chemistry and intimacy and it's boring and horrid and you want to run..

                        Oh that's what i did after 7 years of marriage?

                        See my point...
                        CW
                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                        Comment


                        • Thanks evryone for your post. First just to say I have never had sex with random people everyone I knew for a year or more before going there and I was in a relationship with all. Second I decide to stop and wait because I am no longer in a serious relationship and there are too many std's out there and I want to know the person before I mix my genes with them. And Last to each is own if a guy can't respect that part of me or at least make effort to get to know me before trying to jump my bones then if is not the one. I just love getting different fed back on the issue. I believe that the divorce rate is so high because people get to know each other sexually first before getting to know the real person and then they hook to the sex. Any way thanks again especially the guys for your input.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by altenese2000 View Post
                            Thanks evryone for your post. First just to say I have never had sex with random people everyone I knew for a year or more before going there and I was in a relationship with all. Second I decide to stop and wait because I am no longer in a serious relationship and there are too many std's out there and I want to know the person before I mix my genes with them.
                            Then i dont understand. What you quoted above - isnt that what most 'normal', respectable women do? I cant see how you are doing anything spectacular or different to most?

                            So, basically, you are normal?

                            Anyhoo, good luck with your choices - at the end of the day, they are entirely yours and any worthwhile gentleman will respect that.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by miffed23 View Post
                              Then i dont understand. What you quoted above - isnt that what most 'normal', respectable women do? I cant see how you are doing anything spectacular or different to most?

                              So, basically, you are normal?

                              Anyhoo, good luck with your choices - at the end of the day, they are entirely yours and any worthwhile gentleman will respect that.
                              I agree... Most "normal" respectable women do this... If you are dating guys that expect you to "put out" soon, then obviously they are looking for "bad girls" so move on as you are.

                              alterneese 2000
                              And Last to each is own if a guy can't respect that part of me or at least make effort to get to know me before trying to jump my bones then if is not the one. I just love getting different fed back on the issue. I believe that the divorce rate is so high because people get to know each other sexually first before getting to know the real person and then they hook to the sex. Any way thanks again especially the guys for your input.

                              I don't believe that hanging about and making a guy wait is the key to finding the right "husband" and stop a situation for you pertaining to Divorce... If you read what the "guys" say, they are saying put out before marriage and make sure your compatible.

                              Most people start with "chemistry" there is something there that attracts them to each other. Sure, then they date and as you state "get to know each other", then they move on sexually...and if it all fits they get married.

                              Not every female jumps in bed with a guy then gets emotionally attached because they've had sex with them, then views him as "the one" and then marries him.

                              Perhaps the "guys" here, can say whether they actually had sex quickly and then married the lady, or whether they dated and got to know each other first then had sex and married, or for the older generation, didn't have sex at all and married but bottom line... Got to know the lady first...

                              That may be more pertinant then to your current comments, which really seemed different from your origional post.

                              CW
                              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                              Comment

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