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violence in relationship

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  • violence in relationship

    I know its not okay for a guy to hit you but what if you hit him first ?

    Id love to hear your opinions or past experience wit violence in your relationships.

  • I hope (and suspect) this is a Troll.
    But, just in case, no hitting ever, except in self defense - immediately followed by pressing assault charges.


    • Hi misswendi..

      Well your not a troll seeing as you've posted a few here on other issues/matters relevant...

      But, i am assuming you are saying that you got upset angry, lashed out and hit your guy and then he hit you.

      Firstly, NO it's not okay for him to hit you full stop.

      You may have been irritable due to difficulties you are having with your body at present and therefore, you lashed out.

      Certainly it's best for no one to hit, full stop and you need to get that under control yourself. Anger is not going to solve anything.

      Pending also if you have been "pushing him, over and over and over" hitting him every time you get mad and finally he couldn't help himself, then I would forgive him to a degree.

      But, if you are asking, well I hit him so he then hit me. NO....

      Men are stronger and there is no need what so ever to take anger out on a woman and hit her, nor hit her back, full stop.

      Maybe you should tell us a bit more.

      It's a screen name and that's what this site is for.



      • If I hit someone, I would expect nothing less than to get hit right back.
        No one should be hitting anyone in a relationship.


        • This probably won't be a popular response, but hey...

          If a woman gave me a close handed punch (ie, not a slap), and I didn't feel like she had a good enough reason, I would probably physically respond. It would, however, be a radically reserved response, never a closed handed punch, as serious damage could be done - men are strong and women are fragile. However, neither is it acceptable for women to take advantage of this difference and expect no retaliation. Look where campaigning for equal rights has got you ...

          I can see situation in which I might slap a woman in the face, or throw her to the ground, or put her in a submission hold. All things which I know are not damaging. But establish the fact that such action is not to be tolerated. That being done, the liklihood of staying in that relationship would be small.

          I would never, ever, ever, instigate any form of violence.

          It is worth mentioning, that as well as relationships where the man is physically abusive to the woman, there are also cases of the opposite scenario - where men are abused, its rather pathetic to see to be honest, but it does happen. It is not acceptable on either side of the fence, but retaliation is retaliation, as long as it shows understanding restraint.


          • How about agressive behaviour? If he behaves on a way you feel he is "agressive".. but he says it wasn't, he says it was only "wild" because he was "upset".

            pfff I would think he is a coward.


            • Originally posted by flauwekul View Post
              How about agressive behaviour? If he behaves on a way you feel he is "agressive".. but he says it wasn't, he says it was only "wild" because he was "upset".

              pfff I would think he is a coward.
              Umm, what?

              As for the original question... im with sourpuss, if i whacked someone, id expect it back. Some partners can bring the worst out of you and those are the ones that you need to move on from.


              • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
                I hope (and suspect) this is a Troll.
                But, just in case, no hitting ever, except in self defense - immediately followed by pressing assault charges.
                A man should never hit a women unless self defense even than unless your really beating the out of him he should keep his hands to himself

                Sorry i left out that i agreed with rcoreyus
                Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 08-27-2008, 10:33 PM. Reason: Merge posts


                • Even if this had been a troll, she brings up an interesting question.
                  I have never been "hit" by any of my exes, nor my current boyfriend. Emotional and sexual abuse, though, that I've suffered.
                  That's not to say I haven't pushed around or slapped around my boyfriends in the past. In fact, I've been really bad about it and I don't know where it came from. My boyfriend had to sit me down and ask me why I was so violent early in our relationship. I couldn't come up with a reason, but it made me realize just how violent I was being ... a behavior which quickly stopped.
                  I think little girls take too much advantage of the fact that boys don't fight back. My daddy told me very young that if someone was hurting me, to hurt them back (I was a twig of a kid and some boy had twisted my arm around a jungle gym that day.) I quickly learned that I could shove around the boys and get them to do whatever I wanted ... and I wasn't the only one who did it. Living in the South (of the US, of course) we got away with it because boys were taught that no matter what a girl did to you, you didn't hit them back.
                  Part of growing up is learning that violence is not a way to interact with other people ... unless those other people are harboring munitions, of course.
                  <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>


                  • hey guys thanks for all your response

                    my boyfriend of 3 years and I have semi violent fights, just like chandlers wish mentioned, i would get really ticked off by him and punch him in the arm or something and vice versa then we'd start fighting back and forth. He says its not his fault because I hit him first, when I'm getting ticked off I do sometimes tell him to stop or that I am getting mad so he would leave me alone but he doesnt.
                    There has been a couple incident where he hit me first. We are both really short tempered and I know I shouldn't put up with this and get out of the relationship but it's hard. Sometimes i think its my fault our relationship is violent because I started it first.


                    • First, sorry I thought this was a troll - I hadn't checked for other posts from that poster.

                      But - I'll still say that I don't think hitting someone in anger is ever appropriate. I don't think gender changes things. I've read (sorry, don't remember the source) that men are fairly frequently injured in domestic violence - but that they rarely report it (sort of like women and rape), and that the injuries are because women more frequently use weapons. (frying pan, shoe, etc).

                      The problem with violence is where does it stop. If the victim doesn't hit back, the assaults may continue. If the victim does hit back, the original attacker may hit harder, or with a weapon.

                      Hitting someone who cannot hit back is bullying. It doesn't matter if they won't hit because they are physically weak, financially independent, or bound by social customs.

                      I understand sudden anger (as does the law), and it reduces the crime, but doesn't eliminate it. As civilized human beings we are expected to control our sudden violent impulses.

                      So, no hitting, ever. If you have hit before: stop. If you can't stop yourself, leave. (please)

                      My advice to anyone (of either gender) who has been hit is to leave. Immediately, and if there was injury maybe press charges. What other advice could there be.


                      • He says its not his fault because I hit him first, when I'm getting ticked off I do sometimes tell him to stop or that I am getting mad so he would leave me alone but he doesnt.
                        Question mark, question mark,question mark?

                        Let's bait shall we? Lets say stop? But know that she can't, let's bait and bait, and bait until she does BUT HE DOESN'T AND HIT'S ME BACK?

                        See something there?

                        Emotional blackmail... Abuse... It's your fault?

                        Is it?

                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                        • I think this is another deal breaker for me. When a relationship breaks down enough that either of you feel the need to beat on each other be adult and call it quits. If you have kids they do NOT need to see mom and dad settle arguments this way. Violence is so often generational.

                          If nothing else seek help. Talk to a therapist and get some anger issues worked out.
                          "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." ~ Janis Joplin


                          • No decent man would ever, ever, ever, ever, ever strike a woman in anger. Not ever, ever.

                            It has nothing to do with who hit who first. Would you hit a child back, just because he "hit you first"? The difference in size and strength makes all the difference here, not to mention the immaturity of escalating the situation.

                            That said, why are you hitting him? To me, it's not much of a leap to go from hitting him with your fist to hitting him with an object. The pattern of violence and inability to control your anger is the key point. That's what you need to deal with, in my opinion.


                            • lol

                              reminds me of a time,

                              There was this one girl at a club who was really ****ing me off, annoying voice, just wouldn;t shut up, rude and almost being abbusive at everything i said.. well i didn't even want to speak to her and she wouldn't leave me alone.

                              i was just so angry that i walked upto her boyfriend and punched him and he got up and asked why and i said because your girlfriend is ****ing me off and i don't hit girls.

                              yeah i don't believe in violance in relationship or against women at all.

                              if anything i just play fight, but i know points that will hurt a little more so just like a pinch on the back or a big bear hug and she'll stop anything

                              I love my bear hugs. RAWR!



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