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  • New Member...Please Help don't know what to do

    Hello All-

    Im in love with my boyfriend. He has never been the communicating type...However he's never acted this way for a whole week before.

    Previous history- his worst flaw is that he's inconsiderate. But at the same time he'll give you the shirt off his back in a heartbeat. My Jr. is so sweet and he really means well but he just doesn't get it! We've talked and argued about "his actions making me feel like he doesn't care" often. When this happens he says "People forget all the good when one bad thing happens" and he says "im sorry you feel that way. We have been dating for like 8 months.

    I got a DUI and stared law school all in the same year. He has tried to be my rock as I have been an emotional mess. But for the past week it has been sooooo different. I NEED HELP.

    He helped me move into my new apt last thursday and that's the last time I saw him. His brother finished helping me on Friday. Sat was ok. and Sun he didn't call me all day. He works 12 hour shifts so its pretty ormal for us to talk for like 3 minutes b4 he goes to bed. Sun he worked from 11-11pm and he'll sometimes call on his way to work...Sunday he didn't fine. The I realize it's 1am and no call. I called him. we spoke fine. . Monday rolls around and no call. I didn't call him this time.

    Monday-no call I was ****ed.

    Tuesday- he called 4 times but I was mad. So I didn't pick up

    Wednesday- he didnt call/ I didn't call.

    Thursday- the attorney calls and says is Jr. coming to drop off the money? I need to know a time. So I called him but he didn't pick up. Then I txt him are you gonna go? or should I tell them you wont make it? He txt back I just left there now.
    I call the law office and she says I just tried to give Jr. some papers but he said he didn't know IF he was going to see you. So he told me to mail them....Is this ur correct address. As you all may imagine tears filled my eyes and my mouth hit the floor... He broke up with me thru the secretary at the law office.
    I called him back to back 2-3 times and finally he picked up and the conversation started off with are you joking.....? and as you may know what happened from there....I definately didn't finish my conversation tho b/c he was with his friend so" he was gonna call me back.. So I text him like 3 or 4 txt with all my thoughts and how could he involve a legal secretary in our relationship like that etc.... so finally I said just pls call me back b4 6 b/c I want to try to learn... please baby just 4 two seconds call me b4 6. He called at 6:23.
    Thursday he had off.... I spoke to him at 3 and I had class at 6. He called me 2 times while I was in class. But it was too late. I called him when I got out....and his phone was on silent". It always is so I believe him.... Dont speak to him all of thursday night.

    He calls me friday Morning: we spoke for like an hour b4 he went to work... again me talking and him listening.... At this point I dont remember too much about that convo. But I just remember it was ok. I said I love you" b4 the end of the convo. and we were ok.

    Friday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No call. and I only txt him once and said your going to do this again? and he txt me the next morning saturday.... "My phone died".

    Saturday yesterday in the morning we spoke for a little while b4 he went into work.... and then last night (sat same day) I woke up startled at 4:15isham with still no phone call from him. However this time his shift was from 3-3am. so when I called him he didn't pick up. I txt him " what the ********ck is it NOW? two min. later I wrote if "you have any respect for me as a woman at all you'll call me Jr. At 4:23 he pick up. And again " I said are u ********cking joking???? and he said I just got home 15 min ago! But he usually calls me as soon as he exits the BUILDING! we got off the phone and he said I'll call u when I get up.

    Sunday: TODAY he's off and at 4:30 I txt him hey maybe later u wanna have a late dinner. No txt back. I calle him at 8.... no returned call.... It's 11pm and still NOTHING!

    Am I not getting the point? What is happening? I don't know what im doing wrong please tell me!

  • Originally posted by clippies1437 View Post
    Hello All-

    Im in love with my boyfriend. He has never been the communicating type...However he's never acted this way for a whole week before.

    Previous history- his worst flaw is that he's inconsiderate. But at the same time he'll give you the shirt off his back in a heartbeat. My Jr. is so sweet and he really means well but he just doesn't get it! We've talked and argued about "his actions making me feel like he doesn't care" often. When this happens he says "People forget all the good when one bad thing happens" and he says "im sorry you feel that way. We have been dating for like 8 months.

    I got a DUI and stared law school all in the same year. He has tried to be my rock as I have been an emotional mess. But for the past week it has been sooooo different. I NEED HELP.

    Did you ask him what changed?

    He helped me move into my new apt last thursday and that's the last time I saw him. His brother finished helping me on Friday. Sat was ok. and Sun he didn't call me all day. He works 12 hour shifts so its pretty ormal for us to talk for like 3 minutes b4 he goes to bed. Sun he worked from 11-11pm and he'll sometimes call on his way to work...Sunday he didn't fine. The I realize it's 1am and no call. I called him. we spoke fine. . Monday rolls around and no call. I didn't call him this time.

    Monday-no call I was ****ed.

    Tuesday- he called 4 times but I was mad. So I didn't pick up

    Wednesday- he didnt call/ I didn't call.

    Thursday- the attorney calls and says is Jr. coming to drop off the money? I need to know a time. So I called him but he didn't pick up. Then I txt him are you gonna go? or should I tell them you wont make it? He txt back I just left there now.
    I call the law office and she says I just tried to give Jr. some papers but he said he didn't know IF he was going to see you. So he told me to mail them....Is this ur correct address. As you all may imagine tears filled my eyes and my mouth hit the floor... He broke up with me thru the secretary at the law office.
    I called him back to back 2-3 times and finally he picked up and the conversation started off with are you joking.....? and as you may know what happened from there....I definately didn't finish my conversation tho b/c he was with his friend so" he was gonna call me back.. So I text him like 3 or 4 txt with all my thoughts and how could he involve a legal secretary in our relationship like that etc.... so finally I said just pls call me back b4 6 b/c I want to try to learn... please baby just 4 two seconds call me b4 6. He called at 6:23.
    Thursday he had off.... I spoke to him at 3 and I had class at 6. He called me 2 times while I was in class. But it was too late. I called him when I got out....and his phone was on silent". It always is so I believe him.... Dont speak to him all of thursday night.

    He calls me friday Morning: we spoke for like an hour b4 he went to work... again me talking and him listening.... At this point I dont remember too much about that convo. But I just remember it was ok. I said I love you" b4 the end of the convo. and we were ok.

    What made it ok all of a sudden? You talked to him and he said.....??

    Friday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No call. and I only txt him once and said your going to do this again? and he txt me the next morning saturday.... "My phone died".

    Saturday yesterday in the morning we spoke for a little while b4 he went into work.... and then last night (sat same day) I woke up startled at 4:15isham with still no phone call from him. However this time his shift was from 3-3am. so when I called him he didn't pick up. I txt him " what the ********ck is it NOW? two min. later I wrote if "you have any respect for me as a woman at all you'll call me Jr. At 4:23 he pick up. And again " I said are u ********cking joking???? and he said I just got home 15 min ago! But he usually calls me as soon as he exits the BUILDING! we got off the phone and he said I'll call u when I get up.

    Sunday: TODAY he's off and at 4:30 I txt him hey maybe later u wanna have a late dinner. No txt back. I calle him at 8.... no returned call.... It's 11pm and still NOTHING!

    Am I not getting the point? What is happening? I don't know what im doing wrong please tell me!

    It sounds like you need to give him space, maybe try to stop getting angry, let him come around, let him know what you want out of it, ask him what he wants...go from there. Getting mad and pushing only seems to be making it worse at this point.



    Comment


    • Clippies, I agree with happy on this one, give him space and see how things work out, maybe you guys need to "take a break" so to speak, with the stress of working 12 hour shifts for him and you with law school maybe the stress that the two of you are under is transferring into your relationship. As for the phone calls, just take it in stride, I mean he does need to communicate with you, don't get me wrong but working long shifts like that it's difficult to want to function after working that long....
      I wish you luck.
      cheers
      Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes and then that way if they get angry they will be a mile away and barefoot

      Comment


      • Sounds like this guy is there for you very much, helping you through things and when he cant, his brother has been.

        Sounds also like he as withered_rose has stated, works very long hours and he could be suffering from over load, the last thing he needs is a girlfriend hassling him, so he may choose to just ignore easier.. He needs rest.

        Agree with Happy1 and "space"

        What I will say next you won't like. But your asking this question:-

        Am I not getting the point? What is happening? I don't know what im doing wrong please tell me!

        So look at this:-

        He has tried to be my rock as I have been an emotional mess. But for the past week it has been sooooo different. I NEED HELP.
        So, he's tried... And he works 12 hrs... and he's not giving you the ATTENTION You want, and so your asking why?


        He helped me move into my new apt last thursday and that's the last time I saw him. His brother finished helping me on Friday. Sat was ok. and Sun he didn't call me all day. He works 12 hour shifts
        So, he helped you again... Then asked his brother to because he couldn't. He didn't call you for 24hrs, and your panicing.... you want his call... Where is it.... Forget he works 12 hours?


        Sun he worked from 11-11pm and he'll sometimes call on his way to work...Sunday he didn't fine. The I realize it's 1am and no call. I called him. we spoke fine. .
        So again, he worked 12 hrs, buggered loss of energy, but your still awake at 1am, waiting for that call, it doesn't happen so instead of going to bed and talking in the morning with him when he's fresh and awake you call him and ask WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? RIght?


        Monday rolls around and no call. I didn't call him this time.
        Great so he didn't call but he doesn't live with you and he doesn't/ shouldn't have to call you ever day should he? So, you refrained and left him alone but you seathed right?

        Monday-no call I was ****ed.
        Yep, right, you were ****ed.


        Tuesday- he called 4 times but I was mad. So I didn't pick up
        So the poor guy having been buggered, rested now calls to say hi and you reject the call cause he missed a day, he tries 4 times but you ignore him, your ****ed right?

        Wednesday- he didnt call/ I didn't call.
        Right then let's not call him I'll teach him.. But he doesn't call.




        I call the law office and she says I just tried to give Jr. some papers but he said he didn't know IF he was going to see you. So he told me to mail them....Is this ur correct address. As you all may imagine tears filled my eyes and my mouth hit the floor... He broke up with me thru the secretary at the law office.
        By now and this has probably been going on for a while, he's had enough of you acting "possessive" yep said you would not like my "opinion".. And not answering your phone, getting ****ed off so now he's saying post the papers.

        I called him back to back 2-3 times So I text him like 3 or 4 txt with all my thoughts and how could he involve a legal secretary in our relationship like that etc....
        So now your really made, phone 2, 3 times, text 3, 4 times just what he was experiencing before, "possessiveness" that he can't handle hense why he did what he did.

        so finally I said just pls call me back b4 6 b/c I want to try to learn... please baby just 4 two seconds call me b4 6. He called at 6:23.
        He cares, he's still communicating but when he could but from the fact that you wrote the time down to a tee 6.23pm... Your still counting when he calls, how often, if , etc... See what I'm saying?

        Thursday he had off.... I spoke to him at 3 and I had class at 6. He called me 2 times while I was in class. But it was too late. I called him when I got out....and his phone was on silent".
        You questions whether or not the phone was really on silent and decide that it always is so he's telling the truth... You don't trust him, your following him around...


        Dont speak to him all of thursday night.
        No problem, it's a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that should be built on trust not contact communication so you know where he is or if he still loves you TRUST. Not possessiveness.


        He calls me friday Morning: we spoke for like an hour b4 he went to work... again me talking and him listening.... At this point I dont remember too much about that convo.
        I do and i wasn't even there, (smile) you chooed him out, gave him what for, why don't you call me, etc, etc, etc, Your upset, your ranting away and he is LISTENING for 1 HR NOT SPEAKING.


        But I just remember it was ok. I said I love you" b4 the end of the convo. and we were ok.
        You got your feelings, thoughts off your chest and therefore YOU FELT OK, you told him YOU LOVE HIM and that made YOU feel okay. Imagine, he is at the other end, being told off for not calling, etc, cause everything you are saying is based on this in this thread, he leaves it another day doesn't call Friday.. He spoke to you for an hour, well listened.


        Friday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No call.
        and I only txt him once and said your going to do this again?
        There you go point taken do you think? On what you probably was saying for 1 hour whilst he listened.


        Saturday yesterday in the morning we spoke for a little while b4 he went into work.... and then last night (sat same day) I woke up startled at 4:15isham with still no phone call from him.
        However this time his shift was from 3-3am. so when I called him he didn't pick up. I txt him " what the ********ck is it NOW? two min. later I wrote if "you have any respect for me as a woman at all you'll call me Jr. At 4:23 he pick up. And again " I said are u ********cking joking???? and he said I just got home 15 min ago! But he usually calls me as soon as he exits the BUILDING! we got off the phone and he said I'll call u when I get up.
        Startled because he had not called you when he finished work at 3.30am ? So you sent him an abusive text message? Then try emotions on him to get a reply which he did, so then you swear at him? And he has just arrived home from 12 hours work?
        So what, he's tired real tired and wants to go home to sleep and not call and frankly you should be sleeping not waking up startled that you didn't get a call and do that.

        Sunday: TODAY he's off and at 4:30 I txt him hey maybe later u wanna have a late dinner. No txt back. I calle him at 8.... no returned call.... It's 11pm and still NOTHING!
        Don't blame him. Your stalked him, swore at him, used emotions on him, won't accept that he's working hard, long hours, are needy, possessive.

        Doubt he'll call you again.

        Now on a nice side, obviously he has spent 8 months with you. Obviously he has supported you with DUI, and other things and moving, obviously he cares about you but OBVIOUSLY, he can't stand the CONTROL of his comings and goings, time slots you put him into and expectations.

        And the thing is if you don't realise that your doing this, you will do it to the next partner and he will walk, and the one after, and the one after that.

        You need to :-

        1. Learn to trust your partner, and not expect daily on the dot phone calls from the moment they finish work, so that you get your pleasure, hello babe.

        2. You need to be understanding that 12hr shifts is a long time, and people get warn out so they can't take this sort of behaviour on-going they choose to start to ignore it... They are tired.

        3. You need to learn to communicate and understand that your not the only one in a relationship and missing a day is ok, so is getting 45 minutes late and calling you.

        4. You need to believe in yourself, and have good self esteme sounds like you panic that you need attention and to know where they are the moment they finish work.

        You need to realise all of this and I hope by the way that I have pointed it out that you do..

        This guy has spent a lot of time with you and given all he can, as he can... Men don't have emotions like women, they can't say I love you every day and want to call you ever time they walk away from work, they are not like us.

        Don't take any of this as an insult, as it's not, I am merely answering your question WHY?

        Have a real deep look at what you wrote right down to 6.23....

        CW
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • "Am I not getting the point? What is happening? I don't know what im doing wrong please tell me! "

          Hi Clippies1437,

          I know you are not gonna like this, but according to me you are indeed not getting the point. I am afraid the point being that your BF needs space, most probably wants out of the relation but is to much of a nice guy to tell you upfront.

          My advice would be to talk to him once more and tell him that "you" feel you are not getting enough attention and he is not interested anymore and that you have decided you will leave it all up to him. Meaning you want contact him anymore : no texts, no phones no nothing. Then see what happens. My guess is you will never hear from him again, but if you do I will be most happy to admit I was wrong.

          Can you bring yourself to do that?

          Sorry to sound so negative

          Comment


          • I agree with 99% of what Muskitos said.

            All except for the part where he's "too much of a nice guy to tell you upfront". To me that is taking the easy way out. This means he isn't much of a man. If he wants out, he should go to her and tell her to her face. He should also be honest and tell her why. Just my 2 cents.

            CLIPPIES...I don't think you did anything "wrong" to get you into this position. People get together and break up all the time. Sometimes they get together or the right reasons and sometimes they get together for the wrong reasons. The same can be said for break ups. Sometimes they happen for the right reasons and sometimes they happen for the wrong reasons.

            I do agree with the others here that he is breaking up with you (or he is trying to in a very weak, no backbone manner). I know this is hard for you. My advice to you is to quit calling, texting, etc. Just stop. If he calls you then talk to him etc. but don't go overboard on it. If he wants to be with you, he'll make it happen. If he doesn't, then he will not. So, you'll know very clearly what his intent is. Stop chasing him 100% and see if he chases you. If that doesn't happen in a few days, then you have a perfect (but sad) answer.

            Then, just keep coming back here and we'll help you through. You have friends here. OR, better yet, go out with your girlfriends, tie one on, and YOU let go of this dude. If he snoozes he loses. My vote is for you finding an awesome replacement boyfriend who won't put you in this situation in the future. You deserve better than what you're getting out of this boy.

            Cheers.

            Comment


            • Hi Fire(m),

              "All except for the part where he's "too much of a nice guy to tell you upfront".


              I knew someone would slap me in the face with that one.

              But hey, give us girls a little break, we need to keep some of our illusions!

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Muskitos View Post
                Hi Fire(m),

                "All except for the part where he's "too much of a nice guy to tell you upfront".


                I knew someone would slap me in the face with that one.

                But hey, give us girls a little break, we need to keep some of our illusions!
                Actually that's a 50/50 in my books to be honest.

                You are correct in saying it, in-correct if he does and doesn't tell her which is not known yet by the way so we can't assume.

                If he was to just walk and not say a thing, I've already posted "Gutless" "Wrong" "Un-fair" you do not do that to a human being, ever, leave them wondering why, what?

                But, I see where, why you think he's a "nice guy" hense the comment as he has been there for her through so much, helped her and listened to her ie) for an hour not talking, just listening whilst she cursed, screamed and gave him what for, just for not phoning her.

                Insecurity on her behalf mayby.. But he has been generally according to what she has written a "nice guy"

                So you get 50/50 in my books

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • Chandler,

                  I choose to read that as 50 points on 50 points . LOL

                  Hey, I am french, remember!

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Muskitos View Post
                    Chandler,

                    I choose to read that as 50 points on 50 points . LOL

                    Hey, I am french, remember!
                    You choose correctly, sort of haha, um 50/50 - half / half not right, not wrong both with merit, sort of half way, I'm Australian so I like explaining
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • I read all the original thread and all the replies to this point.
                      I have to agree with Chandler BIG TIME .

                      Its funny how things work in life and so many people have the same or similar problems and can give out great advice but not take it when given to themselves.
                      I can relate to alot of the original post. As I was dating this one woman who I do care about and love to this day. But early on in our relationship about one month into it, I was ata friends house helping transferring things from one computer to another. When I was finished, I text my ex to say I was finished and wanted to know if she wanted to something after I got home. Her first words were, "There you are, I thought you forgot about me". This after I already called her in the morning to say hello, and had a few texts during the day.
                      Needless to say, I am going to agree with Chanlders first response in her whole entire answer/reply.

                      Happy(M) , I am sorry but i disagree with you for saying she did nothing wrong. She did do things wrong. She did not let him sleep, hounded if he didn't call when she wanted him too, and then to add to that she ignored him to try to teach him a lesson.
                      Would you, or anyone want to be kept on a scheduel like that and get b1tched at if your less than 30 minutes late? Other than that statement I do agree with you for the most part.

                      As for anyone who says he wants a way out, doesn't want to be with her, or is to nice of a guy............ well noone can really say that, as they only hear one side. And you are not him, and you are just assumeing.

                      We all get hurt, we all go through things. Sometime we have to go through the we do but there is a reason even if it doesn't make sence and we get hurt bad. Its a shame but it happens.

                      Clippies , you first need to step back a few steps and let him breathe. If he calls he will. He always answered your texts, called you back, and helped you out. he does care, nice guy or not he was there for you.

                      So many women copmplain they want drama free, someone who is there for them, someone who cares and so on................. the endless list, LOL.
                      From what you wrote, you got all of what you women say you want and yet you created the drama yourself.

                      I don't want to sound harsh but you did ask and you did creat it with your hounding him on his calls to you. If you were to live with him he would be so scared if he was 10 minutes late, due to traffic or maybe even talking to someone if he stopped at the deli and said hello to a friend. You need to control your thoughts and feeling more about certain things and trust, communicate, and understand a bit more.

                      Guys are different than women and it a proven fact. But we aren't all that bad. And you women control the game and can change the rules all the time and when you want. And we will always be lost or in the dark b/c of that one reason alone. So us guys are as so many women say b/c we are lost as what you want all the time. LOL.

                      Keep your chin up and give it time. We are all here for you and believe in your heart. Your heart matters most. You have friends here as one in particular is a great friend of mine and I cherish her as she a wonderful women. (You know who you are, ). Keep faith, and smile clippie.

                      Comment


                      • You know JWB, from a Man, you are providing a different prespective that of, what you say, I was there, I did help, I am there, I do ring, I am tired, I will call, I NEED A BREAK.

                        Happy1, as an active old bag, I mean old member, was, is, being "kind" where as I am blunt, I always say what I "feel" more than often with soul and heart and sometimes, "blunt" which most threaders don't return a bit like Anon haha. Here is the thing. You need objectives, various opinions, good or bad, you ask a question, WHAT AM I DOING as you asked, (the threader) and i think your reply was warm as Happy'1s but more to the truth as I was, it's a matter of how much we really want to say, without hurting as the point of asking a question is NOT to get hurt by replies but to SEE.

                        CW
                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                        Comment

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