I have been in WH for about a month or so and I find this a tremendous website. A wonderful resource for information, support and even simple stress relief in the day to day grind of life…
After looking around, (I could be wrong my time is sometimes limited) I haven’t been able to locate a specific thread that discusses Domestic Violence. I do hope this is the right location, if not I know our wise women will move this for me...
I work for a non profit organization, and one of the programs we operate is a shelter for battered women and their children. I am very proud to say we have many success stories. The reality is, is that sometimes it takes numerous attempts for a woman to leave an abusive partner but success does come. This information may be lengthy but I hope that this will help someone who feels lost or simply needs basic information to help themselves or someone they care for.
In the US October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic Violence takes many forms, and has no social, religious or economic boundaries. It is often highly insidious, developing so gradually, that the patterns are well established even before becoming apparent to the victim. The result is a victim whose self esteem is so battered, and whose fear is so ingrained that leaving seems impossible. But it is not.
Statistically, batterers are most commonly male. Women of all religious, ethnic, socio-economic and educational backgrounds, and of varying ages, physical abilities and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is not a typical woman who will be battered - the risk factor is being born female.
Males may also be victims of domestic violence by their female or male partners. They experience the same dynamics of violence as female victims including experiences of disbelief, ridicule and shame that only enhances their silence
Firstly for some who need to understand exactly what Domestic Violence (DV) really is:
DV can be Physical
~ Preventing you from leaving the home or going where you want to
~ Preventing you from seeing family or friends
~ Intimidating or trying to control you or your children
~ Hitting, slapping, shoving, choking you
~ Throwing or damaging or breaking objects in the home
~ Following you when you leave the home
~ Forcing sexual acts against your will
DV can be Emotional
~ Criticizing your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent or employee
~ Embarrassing you in front of other people
~ Disapproving of your friends, relatives, neighbors
~ Hampering you in your job or school
~ Having angry outbursts or "losing their temper"
~ Being over-protective or extremely jealous
~ Threatening you, your children, pets, family members, friends or themselves
I really stress this because it is classic emotional manipulation. The abuser wants you to feel guilty or responsible for their death…YOU did this to them. YOU made them do it. What is more likely is that if they are serious in taking a life they will take yours.)
~ Leaving excessive phone messages
DV can be Financial
Denying you access to bank accounts, credit cards, or the car; forcing you to account for money
------------------------------------------
Now that you have an idea of what DV entails, here are a few things an abused person can do:
Safety Planning For You And Your Children
One thing that many victims of domestic violence find helpful is making a safety plan. You can make one yourself or you can call us and we can help you think through a plan. If you decide to write out a safety plan, be sure to keep it in a place where your partner can't find it. There are certain things that are helpful to consider in planning for your future safety:
Where can you keep important phone numbers (police, hotline, friends and shelter) for yourself and your children?
Is there anyone you can ask to call the police it they hear suspicious noises coming from your house or apartment?
If you need to get out of your house or apartment in hurry, what door, window, elevator or stairwell will you be able to use in order to get out safely?
If you need a place to stay for a while, where can you go? Can you arrange to stay with family or friends in a crisis? Do you know how to contact the local domestic violence program in order to arrange for emergency shelter?
Where can you keep your purse, car keys and some change to make a phone call so that you can grab them quickly?
Do your children know how to use the telephone to contact the police?
Is there a code word you can use with friends, family and/or your children to alert them to call for help?
Can you keep some money, some changes of clothes and important papers hidden somewhere your partner doesn't know about, but that you can get to quickly? Can you keep the "escape bag" with a neighbor or in the trunk of the car?
If you think you and your partner are about to have an argument, how can you get to a room where there are fewer things that can be used as weapons? How can you avoid getting trapped in the kitchen, bathroom, basement or garage?
------------------------------------------
YOUR CHECKLIST
If you decide to leave, even for a very short period of time, take your children with you if it's at all possible and you can do so without exposing them to harm or risk of harm, or violating a custody order. Not only can you better ensure the safety of your children if they are with you, but having physical custody of your children will help you get temporary or permanent legal custody of your children if you decide to file custody petition with the court.
Make copies of important documents and keys and find a safe place to keep them in case you decide to leave. A safe place can include a hiding place in your home or with a friend, neighbor or family member that you trust.
If you decide to leave, take these things with you, if possible, because it may be difficult to get them later:
Orders of Protection, Custody orders, Paternity documents
Social Security cards , Birth certificates - yours and your children's
Marriage, separation or divorce papers
School and vaccination records
Money
Checkbook, Savings Account Passbooks, Automatic Teller Machine Card, PIN numbers
Credit Cards and or account numbers
Keys - house, car, office, post office box, safety deposit box
Drivers license, car registration and title
Medications and prescriptions
Health insurance or Medicaid cards
Welfare identification
Passport, green card, work permit and any other immigration documents
Several changes of clothes
Lease/rental agreement, house deed
Mortgage Payment book, current unpaid bills
Home Insurance papers
Address book
Pictures, jewelry, items of sentimental value
Pictures of injuries you may have gotten from your partners abuse
Any evidence that might help police in investigating your case, for example, threatening letters or phone message tapes
Domestic Violence is something no human being deserves. We can all prevent abuse
If a friend, family member or co-worker is being abused, you can reach out and help them.
~ Believe your friend, and keep what you’re told in confidence.
~ The victim is not at fault. The abused person is not responsible for being hurt and does not deserve to be abused.
~ Each person needs to tell their story in their own time and pace. Take the time to talk privately with your friend. Ask about suspicious bruises.
~ Validate feelings and be understanding. Your friend may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped.
~ Understand that it is difficult to leave a home or someone you love, and they may go back several times before leaving for good. Your friend’s solutions may not be the same as yours.
~ Help them plan how to stay safe when the violence happens.
USA National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-SAFE (7233), (800)787-3224 (For the hard of hearing)
Love yourself, Live happy and most of all..safely...it is your right
After looking around, (I could be wrong my time is sometimes limited) I haven’t been able to locate a specific thread that discusses Domestic Violence. I do hope this is the right location, if not I know our wise women will move this for me...
I work for a non profit organization, and one of the programs we operate is a shelter for battered women and their children. I am very proud to say we have many success stories. The reality is, is that sometimes it takes numerous attempts for a woman to leave an abusive partner but success does come. This information may be lengthy but I hope that this will help someone who feels lost or simply needs basic information to help themselves or someone they care for.
In the US October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic Violence takes many forms, and has no social, religious or economic boundaries. It is often highly insidious, developing so gradually, that the patterns are well established even before becoming apparent to the victim. The result is a victim whose self esteem is so battered, and whose fear is so ingrained that leaving seems impossible. But it is not.
Statistically, batterers are most commonly male. Women of all religious, ethnic, socio-economic and educational backgrounds, and of varying ages, physical abilities and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is not a typical woman who will be battered - the risk factor is being born female.
Males may also be victims of domestic violence by their female or male partners. They experience the same dynamics of violence as female victims including experiences of disbelief, ridicule and shame that only enhances their silence
Firstly for some who need to understand exactly what Domestic Violence (DV) really is:
DV can be Physical
~ Preventing you from leaving the home or going where you want to
~ Preventing you from seeing family or friends
~ Intimidating or trying to control you or your children
~ Hitting, slapping, shoving, choking you
~ Throwing or damaging or breaking objects in the home
~ Following you when you leave the home
~ Forcing sexual acts against your will
DV can be Emotional
~ Criticizing your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent or employee
~ Embarrassing you in front of other people
~ Disapproving of your friends, relatives, neighbors
~ Hampering you in your job or school
~ Having angry outbursts or "losing their temper"
~ Being over-protective or extremely jealous
~ Threatening you, your children, pets, family members, friends or themselves
I really stress this because it is classic emotional manipulation. The abuser wants you to feel guilty or responsible for their death…YOU did this to them. YOU made them do it. What is more likely is that if they are serious in taking a life they will take yours.)
~ Leaving excessive phone messages
DV can be Financial
Denying you access to bank accounts, credit cards, or the car; forcing you to account for money
------------------------------------------
Now that you have an idea of what DV entails, here are a few things an abused person can do:
Safety Planning For You And Your Children
One thing that many victims of domestic violence find helpful is making a safety plan. You can make one yourself or you can call us and we can help you think through a plan. If you decide to write out a safety plan, be sure to keep it in a place where your partner can't find it. There are certain things that are helpful to consider in planning for your future safety:
Where can you keep important phone numbers (police, hotline, friends and shelter) for yourself and your children?
Is there anyone you can ask to call the police it they hear suspicious noises coming from your house or apartment?
If you need to get out of your house or apartment in hurry, what door, window, elevator or stairwell will you be able to use in order to get out safely?
If you need a place to stay for a while, where can you go? Can you arrange to stay with family or friends in a crisis? Do you know how to contact the local domestic violence program in order to arrange for emergency shelter?
Where can you keep your purse, car keys and some change to make a phone call so that you can grab them quickly?
Do your children know how to use the telephone to contact the police?
Is there a code word you can use with friends, family and/or your children to alert them to call for help?
Can you keep some money, some changes of clothes and important papers hidden somewhere your partner doesn't know about, but that you can get to quickly? Can you keep the "escape bag" with a neighbor or in the trunk of the car?
If you think you and your partner are about to have an argument, how can you get to a room where there are fewer things that can be used as weapons? How can you avoid getting trapped in the kitchen, bathroom, basement or garage?
------------------------------------------
YOUR CHECKLIST
If you decide to leave, even for a very short period of time, take your children with you if it's at all possible and you can do so without exposing them to harm or risk of harm, or violating a custody order. Not only can you better ensure the safety of your children if they are with you, but having physical custody of your children will help you get temporary or permanent legal custody of your children if you decide to file custody petition with the court.
Make copies of important documents and keys and find a safe place to keep them in case you decide to leave. A safe place can include a hiding place in your home or with a friend, neighbor or family member that you trust.
If you decide to leave, take these things with you, if possible, because it may be difficult to get them later:
Orders of Protection, Custody orders, Paternity documents
Social Security cards , Birth certificates - yours and your children's
Marriage, separation or divorce papers
School and vaccination records
Money
Checkbook, Savings Account Passbooks, Automatic Teller Machine Card, PIN numbers
Credit Cards and or account numbers
Keys - house, car, office, post office box, safety deposit box
Drivers license, car registration and title
Medications and prescriptions
Health insurance or Medicaid cards
Welfare identification
Passport, green card, work permit and any other immigration documents
Several changes of clothes
Lease/rental agreement, house deed
Mortgage Payment book, current unpaid bills
Home Insurance papers
Address book
Pictures, jewelry, items of sentimental value
Pictures of injuries you may have gotten from your partners abuse
Any evidence that might help police in investigating your case, for example, threatening letters or phone message tapes
Domestic Violence is something no human being deserves. We can all prevent abuse
If a friend, family member or co-worker is being abused, you can reach out and help them.
~ Believe your friend, and keep what you’re told in confidence.
~ The victim is not at fault. The abused person is not responsible for being hurt and does not deserve to be abused.
~ Each person needs to tell their story in their own time and pace. Take the time to talk privately with your friend. Ask about suspicious bruises.
~ Validate feelings and be understanding. Your friend may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped.
~ Understand that it is difficult to leave a home or someone you love, and they may go back several times before leaving for good. Your friend’s solutions may not be the same as yours.
~ Help them plan how to stay safe when the violence happens.
USA National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-SAFE (7233), (800)787-3224 (For the hard of hearing)
Love yourself, Live happy and most of all..safely...it is your right
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