[WildChild]

Was doing some thinking and personal review, lot of that going on lately. Wondering am I finally grasping something here? I've quite a few relationships where after a good start of however long, the man starts pulling back. I keep trying to spice things up, talk about what is going on or not, it may get better for a while but then it falls apart again. I get hurt (this time may be one of the toughest because - it's been so good), I take time and start to move on. That's probably not an unusual pattern for a lot of people.

Here's some side points. I'm not a game player, just don't get it, I don't string men along. I'm not a teaser. I've never gone through the quandry I see some women with of, I can't decide if I like him, I don't know if I want to be with him or not...I don't do that. I am or am not attracted, I do or do not want to see him, I do or do not want to know him better. Fuzzy as I may be in some things, this is one area I'm pretty clear. That isn't to say I just randomly like someone out of a crowd. I don't get crushes. I like see how a man conducts himself, have some real conversatons and generally men don't ask if they don't get some cues it's ok. They don't get the cues if I'm not open to a much deeper look at the possiblities.

While it hasn't been universal, it's happened more often than not, that having done everything I can to save a relationship, when I walk away, I'm done, it's over, I've gotten through the hurt. I don't give up quickly or easily, but when I've given all I can without getting anywhere, I go. THEN the guy comes after me on his knees. Now he wants me, now he so sorry he was a jerk, screwed around, ignored me, hurt me, at times it's gotten nuts. Maybe a year, two years later they are still sniffing around (there is one I haven't seem in over 30 years I'm told is still going on about me) . Then, I hear how good I was and I was best thing that ever happened to them they'll never feel the same way about another woman, blah, blah, blah. SO where was all that when I was there and wanted it? Is this a common pattern?

Now here's the possible epiphany; is this part of that whole thing of men liking the chase? The hard to get thing? They want what they can't have? With me, when I'm done, I've exhausted my self. I don't hate them, I wish them well, but I'm done with it. Whether it is that I've lost all feeling for them or that I simply can't risk anymore hurt. Do I need to pull back sooner when there is trouble, before I've become so detatched? To see if they'll wake up and come to their senses before I've completely disconnected emotionally from them? Have other women experienced this or am I a weirdo?

[Joy]

NO you are pretty much right Wild Child. I know you are working hard in the relationship you've got going on and everything you express i think is wonderful.

You are a giver and a deep lover these men never know what they got till its gone even years later. In that aspect i think you and I are so much alike. Recently i've had 2 past bf's come back just to see whats going on.

One actually admitted how much he loved me and that it was his insecure feelings that made him act the way he did..........omg he went on and on about all these lil details i could not remember. example when we were out dancin or something he would wanna leave. I thought he was mad and after a bit of this thought wow he really isn't that into me ohwell. I dumped him. He now explains that he thought i was too pretty and too hard to hang onto that everywhere we went guys stared at me( i thought this is what men wanted other men jealous that have a hot woman). He figured i would break his heart some other guy would get my attention and i would be gone. He told me his pride stood in the way of coming after me.

The other one compared to the stock market and how there are low, high, and volitile stocks and that he was scared again that i would break his heart.

You have a big heart wild child and when these men are done with all the women that truly don't want them they think back to a time they felt loved and you walk into their mind.

[commonsense]

Was doing some thinking and personal review, lot of that going on lately. Wondering am I finally grasping something here? I've quite a few relationships where after a good start of however long, the man starts pulling back. I keep trying to spice things up, talk about what is going on or not, it may get better for a while but then it falls apart again. I get hurt (this time may be one of the toughest because - it's been so good), I take time and start to move on. That's probably not an unusual pattern for a lot of people.

Here's some side points. I'm not a game player, just don't get it, I don't string men along. I'm not a teaser. I've never gone through the quandry I see some women with of, I can't decide if I like him, I don't know if I want to be with him or not...I don't do that. I am or am not attracted, I do or do not want to see him, I do or do not want to know him better. Fuzzy as I may be in some things, this is one area I'm pretty clear. That isn't to say I just randomly like someone out of a crowd. I don't get crushes. I like see how a man conducts himself, have some real conversatons and generally men don't ask if they don't get some cues it's ok. They don't get the cues if I'm not open to a much deeper look at the possiblities.

While it hasn't been universal, it's happened more often than not, that having done everything I can to save a relationship, when I walk away, I'm done, it's over, I've gotten through the hurt. I don't give up quickly or easily, but when I've given all I can without getting anywhere, I go. THEN the guy comes after me on his knees. Now he wants me, now he so sorry he was a jerk, screwed around, ignored me, hurt me, at times it's gotten nuts. Maybe a year, two years later they are still sniffing around (there is one I haven't seem in over 30 years I'm told is still going on about me) . Then, I hear how good I was and I was best thing that ever happened to them they'll never feel the same way about another woman, blah, blah, blah. SO where was all that when I was there and wanted it? Is this a common pattern?

Now here's the possible epiphany; is this part of that whole thing of men liking the chase? The hard to get thing? They want what they can't have? With me, when I'm done, I've exhausted my self. I don't hate them, I wish them well, but I'm done with it. Whether it is that I've lost all feeling for them or that I simply can't risk anymore hurt. Do I need to pull back sooner when there is trouble, before I've become so detatched? To see if they'll wake up and come to their senses before I've completely disconnected emotionally from them? Have other women experienced this or am I a weirdo?

Some men are looking for "just a good time" at that time.
Some men are looking for a long-term relationship but not marriage.
Some men are looking for marriage.

Find out what YOU are looking for.
Match what you are looking for to the man.

1 + 1 will = 2 people who are going down the same path as one.