[CHANDLERS WISH]

Any form of cheating hurts.. Sorry you had to establish that but better to find out now than after you've been married for a while, together for a long period of time.

I do agree that the shock factor can make you feel different, it is not something your brain ever thought it would have to register in your own personal space as you were un-aware which i recall Crazyhead's original threads simular, it is certainly a shock...

It stands to reason if you have had un-protected sex to go and get yourself checked out, we never know with cheaters whom they are cheating with.

As for bi-sexuality, everyone has the right to be told up-front and then you have the right to make a decision from there, unfortunately honesty doesn't seem to be a word too many people use, including cheaters.

CW

[Guest]

it didnt say they never had unprotected sex with men, but that when they did have unprotected sex it was more often with women than with men.

You are right, having unprotected sex is the main issue. But if the rates of HIV are higher in the male gay community, doesnt that mean that the times they have unprotected sex with men they are more likely to catch HIV? And if thats the case, and they are more likely to have unprotected sex with women, doesnt that make the woman more susceptible as well?

[Little]

There are a lot of "if"s here, but for the sake of conversation ...
A man is bisexual. He practices safe sex with men presumably because he knows about the higher HIV rates in the gay community. Let's pretend for a second that HIV can be blocked by condoms (I don't know if it can or not; I've been told different and sources differ depending on their reasons for saying one or the other.) The man would not contract HIV and thus not pass it on to his female partners.
But CW has it right. The cheating hurts. It's shocking. It's not something you expect. I don't have a problem with the gay community and am a bisexual woman myself, but it was still shocking and hurtful to find out that one of my exes (from middle school, no less, which ought to have softened the blow) is gay. With cheating on top of that, the OP has every right to feel hurt and confused.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Thank you for making my point for me Little.

Cheating is cheating.

If bisexual men use protection with other men, then there is no reason to label them as disease bearers.

Men can be bisexual too, not just women.


Where I disagree is to the poster that said that he should have said that he was bi. As this thread and many others show, women are completely narrow minded and hypocritical in this area, giving a bi guy no reason whatsoever to tell the girl... The chances are she'll freak and, act unfairly and that will be the end of it. If she is enough for him, and he's in a relationship with her and won't seek physical fulfillment outside of that relationship she (in a way) has no intrinsic right to know. Though obviously in the spirit of an honest loving relationship that would come out sooner or later.

[crzyredhead21]

I am very sorry Little that you took my reply the wrong way. I AM NOT homophobic. My mother is a lesbian and I've been involved in the locl gay community for years! I myself am not gay .. I'm attracted to women.. I've had a g/f.. but I'm not gay, just curious . I ,of course, do not believe in HIV being solely a "gay disease" and frankly I am very offeneded that anyone would tag me with that. I told her to get tested because if he "forgot to tell her" about his sexuality he may have "forgotten" to tell her about any STD's that he may have! It's about trust.. and he shattered hers. That's why I old her to run for the hills. Been there done that.

Little: you yourself admitted that it adds a whole 'nother shock factor to the situation. Which it does! I think it shoudl be okay for me reply to peoples threads with my opinions and experiences without being tagged as a "gay-basher". Sorry again if that is a little blunt but you have really offended me and I can't just NOT say anything about it... my mom would kill me for keeping quiet!

So once again.. I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

[Little]

I think I made it clear I wasn't singling you out but rather preempting a conversation I didn't want to happen. I don't remember if the Down-Low thread still exists, but search it if you'd like to see exactly what I am preventing. Frankly, you have been on this board for 2 months, and you don't know its history. The words I choose and the actions I take are for a reason.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Where I disagree is to the poster that said that he should have said that he was bi. As this thread and many others show, women are completely narrow minded and hypocritical in this area, giving a bi guy no reason whatsoever to tell the girl... The chances are she'll freak and, act unfairly and that will be the end of it. If she is enough for him, and he's in a relationship with her and won't seek physical fulfillment outside of that relationship she (in a way) has no intrinsic right to know. Though obviously in the spirit of an honest loving relationship that would come out sooner or later.

We will always disagree there Anon... He DID seek physical fulfillment outside of that relationship, well we can assume, he certainly "cheated" irrespectively.

We are not narrow minded at all, that's labelling "us" women... not true.

If, you had a girlfriend that was bi, didn't tell you, and then cheated on you, well you probably would ask her to join you with her friend, but deep down you were cheated on, deep down this woman felt you weren't enough she needed more, if you think about it..

So yes, you are correct and I stated the same there "It's all about cheating" nothing more nothing less... Cheating.

As Little has pointed out though, we have been here for a long time, and noted other threads that have got completely out of hand.

The issue here in my opinion is purely that "it is cheating" full stop... And, should be viewed as such.

CW

[ChelseaRenee]

Thank you for making my point for me Little.

Cheating is cheating.

If bisexual men use protection with other men, then there is no reason to label them as disease bearers.

Men can be bisexual too, not just women.


Where I disagree is to the poster that said that he should have said that he was bi. As this thread and many others show, women are completely narrow minded and hypocritical in this area, giving a bi guy no reason whatsoever to tell the girl... The chances are she'll freak and, act unfairly and that will be the end of it. If she is enough for him, and he's in a relationship with her and won't seek physical fulfillment outside of that relationship she (in a way) has no intrinsic right to know. Though obviously in the spirit of an honest loving relationship that would come out sooner or later.

I agree, cheating is cheating. However, I believe she had an absolute right to know he was bisexual. It is completely unfair to her to be in such a dishonest relationship. Even if he NEVER cheats on her, never sleeps with another man again, the fact he is bisexual is still a part of his sexuality and she has a right to know, just as he would have a right to know about her sexuality. Fearing the outcome is NO excuse to lie by omission, what a cop out. If she were to freak out, well, that's her right (whether or not we, or he, agrees with it) and it is not up to you to call it unfair. It is an opinion, and you can't judge those. If it is something that would potentially bother her or change her opinion of him (again, whether or not this is right or wrong is not the point) it is something she needs to know. This isn't an issue about sexual orientation, it's about honesty. He was dishonest on many levels.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I just think that women have shown that they cannot think about this subject clearly - all of the insecurities come in; 'omg, I have a disease, omg he's more likely to cheat on me, omg it's gross, omg it's not manly' blah blah, I think that actually very few women would accept a bisexual man. So what does this mean for that poor individual? It means a string of relationships with women who can't deal with the way he is (and I'm not saying that he cheats), until he dies alone.

I don't have enough respect in your average womans ability to make a reasoned judgement that isn't coloured and tarnished, therefore I don't think that you give men any reason to tell you.

At what point in the relationship should you say? When you buy her your first drink? Dismissed. See what I mean? To be trusted with information you have to prove that you can deal with it. But maybe I just have a bad opinion of women in this matter because of everything that I've read on this forum.

[crzyredhead21]

I completely disagree. Why are the women being targeted in such a manner? Men can be he same way... its about PEOPLE's opinions... I wouldnt label one sex with such a negative conotation!

Lets take me and my sexual past for example. I make sure to let them know first thing.... do a few high-tail and run??? Absolutley.. but to me if they were really wanting a committed relationship with me than I say "good riddance". It's about trust.

I think Anon, that you are basically saing women are incapable of having rational emotions which, in turn, makes men hide imporant information. So.. if the man had an STD, than that's okay to hide because a woman cant handle it??? I'm sorry but your last post makes no sense. This shoudlnt be about men or women. It's about people.

So once again, sorry but I have to disagree.